I have been married for 5 1/2 yrs, my husband and I split for about 3 months 3 1/2 yrs ago, during the time we split I began seeing another man. I then got back together with my husband but did not stop seeing the other man. Well now its 3 1/2 yrs later and I am still married and still seeing the other man, I am still in love with my husband but also deeply in love with the other man, I could not imagine being without either one of them. I know that sooner or later I will have to choose, I can't keep living this double life, neither has any idea of the other. What do I do? Who do I choose? How do I choose? Please help me! I am so confused.
2007-03-05 13:28:30 · 7 answers · asked by Lily and Alex S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There is nothing to choose, you claim to love your husband and therefore it is simply wrong to have these feelings for another.
You must break it off with this other bloke and hope your hubby never finds out. What you have done has been unfair on both your husband and your lover as they believed you were faithful to them alone.
A lover should never be chosen over a husband when you still love the husband. It must have been flattering and exciting to be able to live this double life, but it is time to take your marriage vows seriously and not look back at another man. PS the same advice would have been given to a man in the same circumstance.
2007-03-05 13:50:52 · answer #1 · answered by Rational Thought 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As you say, sooner or later you need to choose and it is probably later already.
It isn't as simple as you deciding what you want since you have been lying to both of them for 3 1/2 years. Logistically the easiest is to dump your boyfriend, never tell your husband and carry your guilt for the rest of your life. You know that already and you only ask the question because you are hoping for a different answer. If you decide to keep your boyfriend and dump your husband you cannot avoid telling your boyfriend at least some story about the divorce etc that will be ongoing. If you lie it will probably be found out and why do you want to build a relationship based on a lie anyway?
Only the first solution is easy, all others are possible but not sure so you need to be sure of what you want.
2007-03-05 13:42:37 · answer #2 · answered by John B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How the heck have you managed to keep both of them in the dark about the other one for so long? That's quite a feat! I know for me, when I was seeing someone else and trying to decide what to do I realized that the reason I wanted both of them was they each met different needs. Alone, neither would have entirely made me happy. I chose the one I married, the one I had a child with, the one who promised to love me forever. I'm still friends with the other, but that's all it is. I know we're still attracted to one another, occasionally still flirt a little, but I had to choose what was best for everyone, not just myself. I also knew I must've chosen to marry my husband for some reason and that he must have more of the qualities I needed. The other one was hot, and amazing in bed, and attentive in a way my husband wasn't, but he wasn't the father of my child....he was just a nice fantasy that came real for a while.
2007-03-05 13:42:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello,
Since you are back with your husband you should choose your marriage and your spouse as you vowed to love and be with him til death do you part and he was the first man in your life to begin with. Let the other guy go and move on with your life and your marriage and i feel that you will be a much better and happier person for making the right choice in this case. You need to be honest with the other guy and tell him you are married and that you need to let him go so you can work on your marriage. Seek marriage counseling if need be. You know what is right to do so do it please. the other guy will someday find someone else to love BUT you vowed before God and family to love and be with your husband till death do you part so this is what you should do. Good luck to you and here comes lots of hugs and prayers your way.
2007-03-05 13:37:18 · answer #4 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell your husband. You also need to seek marital counseling together, or go by yourself if he refuses. You need to discover where your heart truely lies and whether you really love both of them, or if you mind is playing games with you. Even if you decide to stay with the other man, you still need to get marriage counseling to understand why you chose to be secritive and decide which man you wanted.
I would also recommend visiting Dr. Phil's website. He has lots of information and techniques for dealing with these issues. Good luck.
2007-03-05 13:39:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are dealing with a explosive volatile and tricky situation i would rather swim with a hungry shark than be involved in anything similar!
2007-03-05 13:46:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The perfect solution: kill yourself and do the world a huge favor.
2007-03-05 14:13:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋