Sexuality Struggle?

Question

I am an 18 year old high school senior. Recently I have been struggling with my sexuality. I am like 90% sure that I am bi. The thing is that I was born and raised Lutheran. I had the Bible drilled into me...not specifically that part but it as a whole. My parents think it is just a phase...I thought that type of phase was like junior high. I dunno. I have friends that are and I have no problems with it. My friends don't really have a problem with it...one I am not friends with anymore becuz she is Jehovah's Witness...and kinda flipped. She thinks that I am choosing to be this way. Not like I went out and kissed the first girl I saw...in face I haven't kissed one. Its just strong feelings mostly. Is she right? Could it just be a phase? What do I do?

I am just really scared. I don't know what I am feeling anymore. One of my friends told me that she thought I liked one of my best-friends...I denyed it. Then I thought maybe...then sure...then back to no way. Then last week one day between being asleep and awake I had like a strange dream of me kissing my other best-friend. It is just scary. I just want to get through school and college. Teach and get a small dog or a cat for company. Is that too much to ask for?

Answer 1

First off, remember that females don't reach full maturity until age 24. Males don't reach it until 30. You are still developing, physical, mental, and emotional. Also, 24 is not the outer limit, as recent studies have shown that women who mature slower have the longest lives. The only reason you are declared an adult at age 18 is because boys are, but you are not required to register for the draft.

Yes, this could be a phase, or it could be a sexual orientation. Either way, it is your choice as to whether you will let it control your life, or you will control your own life. It is possible to control ones sexual orientation, as is required of those who have the pedosexual orientation. They are born that way, but expected to control their urges. Do you believe you are weaker than them?

You have a battle ahead of you, and will not clearly know the direction your life will take for another six years. You know what the Bible says. Even as a sexual orientation, established at birth, does not mean it is anything that God intended, any more then he intended any other genetic anomaly. I'm sure children born blind or without arms, don't think that was how they were meant to be born. The time will come when genetic disorders will be cured and humans will have everlasting life, free from these and all the other problems resulting from the imperfect state of humanity.

When it comes down to it, you have the choice of what you want to do with your life, just as any person does. All choices have consequences, whether it relates to sexual orientation, or religious evangelism. There will be people who will not agree with it, for various reasons. If you choice is to follow an alternate lifestyle, to follow what you feel, than do so remember that there will be consequences. If you are willing to accept those, than make that choice. Even if you chose to fight those urges, you are going to have detractors.

I’m sorry, I don’t have an easy answer for you. I can only point out your options and their potential results. What I do ask is to consider doing nothing for six more years, either way. Fooling around with the boys isn’t any better or safer. Set your goal, go to college or a technical school, and enter a career. Remember, there are a lot of very well paying careers in blue collar fields, with starting pay up to 25% higher than a person with a four degree.

I would like to recommend a book for you to read, “10 Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives” by Dr. Laura. I’m the George she sometimes talks about who works with fathers.
http://www.drlaurashop.com/product.php?id=41

All my Best,
Papa Bear

Answer 2

I'm in the same place you are. My advice, after several months, is to do some self-analysis through writing: what specifically makes you think you like girls, and what specifically makes you think you like guys? Do they seem like valid reasons to you? Do they seem like reasons that would go against YOUR interpretation of the bible? Are the reasons for one side more convincing than the other? Can you identify and separate the sexual aspect of your attraction to either gender from the emotional part? What insight does that give you into your attraction to that gender, and whether or not it is a phase?

I'm sorry to answer you with so many more questions! I know that in my case, I had to come at it very rationally (writing emails to myself helped a LOT) in order to sort some things out. I'm still not all the way there either- we're young, we have time to figure this out.

It sounds as though you've talked to your parents about it a bit- you can use their current take on it as a basis for how much to tell them in the future. I wish you the best of luck and much support,

Kel

Answer 3

there are different types of bisexuality. you can be bi, yet still be happy dating just a man. .or you could be the type of bi that needs both concurrently... or, maybe you are lesbian, who knows?

don't focus getting physical or sexual with others. focus on friendship and if love forms, with men or women, then let it develop.

remember, the bible was written by men, not god, and it was written based on interpretations of the scripture.

in theory, god will always love you no matter what, and god made you the way you are, so he meant you to be the way you are.. so if you are bi or lesbian and decide you need to be with another girl, then go for it and love her and don't feel badly about it.

Answer 4

Sexuality is a choice. We choose to have sex or not have sex. Hormones are extremely strong in "the bloom of youth". Even married couples have times when one or both of them find someone else attractive. It does not mean they are bound to that person or have no choice.

Answer 5

You do not need to do anything except be at piece with yourself, Just take a deep breath try to understand that it will all work out.

Answer 6

at 18 you have time to decide whether or not you want to act on those feelings, thats what it really comes down to, you either want to try it or decide not to try it,

if it was me i would see how things went with the girl, but only if you meet one who is worthy,

about the bible thing, dont sweat it, if you love god, shell love ya back

Answer 7

At your age, the odds are very strong that it's *not* a phase.