I have been married for 8 years and been with him for 12. I found out I had cervical cancer a year ago, he showed no sympathy, he holds a job for maybe a month and when he holds one longer he has to pay his exwife 70 percent of his check for support. which in tole me to support a family of four. He only cares about when he is getting sex or when I am going to buy him something. I can tell when he wants something because he isnt talking to me like im a complete idiot. I havent had sex for a year to be exact, and every time I look at him I think I have married a child. He throws temper tantrums and calls me at work to decide what to do for dinner. On my days off I clean and cook and sometimes cook when I get home at eight oclock. I dont know help?
2007-03-05 12:48:32 · 17 answers · asked by sandy w 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He wasnt like this when i married him. I was a stay at home mom. now he doesnt care that i work 50- 60 hrs a week. it is all about what he gets. now he is asking me to buy him a car...ha
2007-03-05 13:13:43 · update #1
he is using you. get away from him and find a guy that respects you.
2007-03-05 12:52:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hope the cancer was caught early and treated successfully. Even a lazy husband should have been worried sick about you. You aren't getting anything else out of this arrangement, either. It's your choice, but it might be a good idea to get some advice in order to start planning a safe, orderly and secure exit from this marriage. Very quietly, until you have plans in place. Don't blab your plans around to friends and family.
The fact that his ex is entitled to support is a reason he SHOULD have a job and stand by his obligations. He's using his marriage to you in order to cheat her. So what if he has to pay 70% in support? That still leaves him with 30% and keeps him busy. It sounds like he owes that much because he hasn't been paying and has a hell of an unmet obligation by now. Do you want to be the tool he uses to continue hurting his ex?
Find something to make coming home after work enjoyable. I'm partial to cats and they're rather independant. You can leave them alone for a few days. Dogs are alright but more dependant and more work...oh, who am I kidding? It can't be as much work as he is, and a dog affords some protection if you think you need it.
2007-03-05 21:23:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
down came a blackbird and told you that if you stay there you will be his waitress for life. All women deserve better than that. He either needs to grow up or find someone that is just as insentive as he is. Better yet you can start charging him Ten dollars for a meal each time he eats, 50 dollars a night to sleep on a clean bed and 10 dollars to take a shower, even make him pay a deposit of 25 dollars a week to use the phone...Think he is pulling your chain bout the 70% of his check. Federal law does not allow for more than 27% of your yearly gross income for child support and that is for 3 or more children. 17% for one. Tell him to take it back to court and get it lowered if he is paying more than that. Then tell him to get his lazy **** off the couch and get a job!!!!!!!
Keep your money and support you and your children... You dont have to buy for him, and sorry hun but if he aint having sex with you, you can just bout believe that he is getting it from somewhere!!!!!!!!
2007-03-05 21:02:37 · answer #3 · answered by unforseenfantasy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do you stay? He hasn't changed in 12 years, so your going to get what you always get from him. And it doesn't sound like it is very much.
He sounds like a boy, not a man. He should of gotten a better job or went to school to get a good education my now to have a good job to support all these kids he seems to have.
You must also have some self esteem problems to stay in this type of environment. I hope you find your answers soon, you need support for your health issues, and he's not helping, what would happen if you lost your job altogether. I feel for your pain.
2007-03-05 21:03:04 · answer #4 · answered by K_Seeks4Answers 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You think you cannot have what you want in the love department and you are repressing your resentment and your desires. I am not trying to be mean oir insensitive - I have psychic ability and this is my intuition. You need to make yourself # 1 and tell the guy to take a hike and stop making you his free ride. Your body (with care and treatment) will become your friend again, and you will achieve a life you love.
I know you will - but please take your life and health seriously. Life is too short to live in misery - which creates disease. You may want to look into the work of Caroline Myss and Louise Hay, medical intuitives.
2007-03-05 20:59:12 · answer #5 · answered by justbeingher 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have married an ignorant monster, so you have my deepest sympathies. I strongly urge you to seek an attorney, and talk to him or her about divorce proceedings. Your insensitive husband has ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT....WHATSOEVER to treat you the way he does. I say give him an ultimatum: Either he will straighten up and fly right by you, or you will pack up all your things and get the hell away from that monster. Personally, I think you should get away from him anyway, but that is just my own opinion. Good Luck.
2007-03-05 21:00:23 · answer #6 · answered by Mike M. 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hope every things o.k. with the cancer,i mean i hope you beat it. I'm in the same boat with the sex thing, year and a half for me.my wife had a hysterectomy about 2 yrs ago,it's never been the same.shes also a nurse full time to.well back to you,give him the ultimatum shape up or ship out.
2007-03-05 21:00:44 · answer #7 · answered by I Bleed Black & Gold 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You married this guy?
He wont work and support his kids and you thought that you were more important than his kids?
You have kids with this guy too?
He will never support you or his kids. If you ever want a somewhat normal life you have to let this guy move on and screw up yet another woman.
Good luck
2007-03-05 20:57:05 · answer #8 · answered by Jolly 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hope that your cancer is in remission now. You need to get rid of this moocher.....and not do buy him a car.....If he want a car, tell him to get a job....actually just kick him out and let him fend for himself....You need to take care of you, because you are number 1. Is there any proof that he has to pay his x 70% of his income. that is a bit steep, I can't imagine a judge and his lawyer agreeing to this.....that give him very little money to survive on. OH WELL, any way.....get rid of him......as long as you continue to allow him to sit his **** in your house and not work while you pay everything, then he is going to sit right there.....kick him out, so that he has to depend on himself.
2007-03-05 21:42:17 · answer #9 · answered by mrs_endless 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there's a reason he has an ex-wife. sounds like he's selfish and immature. he thinks of his needs, feelings and wants and bitter about having to still pay his ex so he's weak in the "you and him" department, almost pathetic. I'm sorry to hear about your illness. You are going to need alot of love and support. He'll either change and provide that support, or you'll move on.
2007-03-05 20:54:34 · answer #10 · answered by Skypride 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Was he always like this? ..I doubt it or why would you have married him..You need to have a real heart to heart..and tell him this is not working for you..you go through life only once (I think) and this is no way to have a marriage..maybe he will go to counseling with you , but you need to tell him how you feel in a calm matter ...good luck...you need it!!
2007-03-05 21:04:13 · answer #11 · answered by connie b 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋