She has Borderline Personality Disorder. She is self destructive, mean, manipulative, jealous (without reason, by the way), she smokes, drinks, blames and is generally abusive to me and her kids. I have tried to be patient, and to be honest, I fear the explosion if I do divorce her. This is common from what I hear. They call living with a BPD person Walking on Eggshells. Help me!
2007-03-05 12:32:06 · 23 answers · asked by Jeffery H 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have BPD So I know that if you do divorce she will be destroyed. I would go with the counseling as a family.
2007-03-05 12:41:37 · answer #1 · answered by Don't Know 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all the needs help....In detox. There are a number of ppl who actually have an allergy to Alcohol, and when they drink they actually become a completely different person, and typically they are mean and abusive. This change usually takes place just after one drink. She needs to go to a treatment facility, whether you divorce her or not. But you will both also need counseling while there as well.....It takes quite some time for all the Alcohol to get out of the brain....also know that if she is not in there long enough....she is very likely to relapse.....but if she refuses, to get help....you need do document and unfortunately video tape her. This will help you to get custody of the children. If a judge sees her mistreating the kids, and you have documented proof that you tried to get her to go into treatment....even if you have to video tape that where it shows you begging and pleading with her to get help then so be it.....but if she refuses....you need to get the children away from her......so that those kids will have a chance.
I wish you luck and I hope your wife will get treatment for her addiction.
2007-03-05 12:46:46 · answer #2 · answered by mrs_endless 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried getting her into a dr. They do make medication now to control the mood disorders. Try that first, it might be a good idea to let the children stay with relatives for a few weeks to let the medication get in the system. As I am bipolar manic myself and have found that there is medication to help me with my "multiple personalities". I still have my good days and my bad days, but if you truly love her, then I would not divorce her, you had to have known that she had this conditiion before hand, besides remember "to honor, cherish, love, in sickness and health till death do us part". Those vows are sacred and should taken that way, that is a promise you made to each other and to God!!!!!!!!!
Good luck, also check your local area for support groups of family living with someone like this. There is also all kinds of sites that you can go to. you can google the keywords of "personality disorder, bipolar, mood disorder, etc......." and you will see all the sites that can help you and let you know what medications are available along with the side effects of the medicine.........
2007-03-05 12:44:31 · answer #3 · answered by unforseenfantasy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried the book entitled "Stop Walking on Eggshells"? It's for people who have loved one suffering from BPD. Another helpful site is bpdcentral.com. I also suffer from it & my heart goes out to you AND your wife & kids. Have you talked to her about seeking therapy/treatment or have you in the past? I understand wanting to throw in the towel, but remember there's children involved & what needs to be done is what's best for every1.
If it were me (remember I have it myself) so I might not be the best person to seek advice but I'd try discussing/seeking individual or family/couples counseling b/c you can't take the situation the way it is & i'm sure the kids want their mommy to get better too. If she's totally against it & tells you go to hell; there's not much you can do. She has to want help. GOOD LUCK
2007-03-07 06:23:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is so hard. My father is in the same situation right now. I am now 22 and it was bad when I lived at home and from what he tells me is that it has gotten worse now that she can focus all her anger on only him. There is violence anger jelousy over absolutely nothing. People in your wifes situation feel that there is no good in this world and that everyone is out to get them. It is very sad. I feel sorry for anyone in your position, especially if you love her it is hard to leave someone that you know needs help.
Chances are that if she is supposed to be taking meds she will just stop, right?
Right now my father is the worst I have ever seen him. She has emotionally killed him. He has lost any self confidence he has ever had and stays at my house on a regular basis from the fights.
I will tell you the same thing I tell him... She is going to have those "explosions" whether or not you divorce her. Get out for your own mental health. Good luck and I feel your pain, it is hard.
2007-03-05 13:26:12 · answer #5 · answered by GIRL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question of the day.. Didn't you know this when you were dating....Okay, just my opinion.. everyone in this world has a problem and sooner or later it's going to show... It's sooner than later for that lady and she needs help.. Personally, you married her for better or worse and it's getting worse and I believe that she would probably stick by your side so you should try you hardest to do the same...
I know abuse is hard and it's dangerous... try to get her professional help.. If she has been diagnosed then she's seen someone and they i'm sure can help her...Get help and then pray for her and discuss that with the childern help them to understand she has a problem and it's not there fault... she just needs help..
It will all work out! No divorce yet!
2007-03-05 12:41:32 · answer #6 · answered by danxtsupamodel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am surprised you have not "scrambled" anything with the way everything is going on. I would go to counseling. If you think the kids need to go to counseling or anything, then they should go too. But, if her disorder is out of control in where you are afraid that she might hit or hurt the kids in any way, then I would suggest you take you and your kids out of there and hopes she seeks some type of help. Do this not only for you-but for your children's sake as well.
2007-03-05 12:39:09 · answer #7 · answered by uchaboo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to go. It is very rare for women (and BPD affects mostly women) with this disorder to change without extensive therapy, and medication. Most people with BPD rarely seek treatment because the issues are never thiers and they aren't able to admit where it all began. You have tried...now do what is best for you and your children..leave.
2007-03-05 13:02:39 · answer #8 · answered by Annie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, i know what you feel i have been there before. its a hard one but its the truth divorcing her will most likely be the option. i know i have read somewhere in the bible which says its better to stay in the desert with lions than with a nagging woman. Having said that, i will prefer you seek some counseling and get her to discuss your your feeling, her feelings too and the future of the marriage. try as much to understand her and get to the bottom of her disorder. you never know it with women, she may have some negative perceptions on something you have not got to the bottom of and until you understand whats these perceptions are you may never get her to be like the woman you first love.
2007-03-05 12:53:48 · answer #9 · answered by Jonathan E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take your wife to a doctor asap for help with this. he can put her on medication for her disorder as this may help even out her moods. You both also need marriage counseling. No i do not feel you should divorce her over this since she can not help it that she is sick and has this disorder. She needs your help love and support now more then ever. I feel that once she gets help for this disorder that she will be much easier for you to live with. Good luck to you both and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
2007-03-05 12:40:56 · answer #10 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋