been married 5 yrs?

Question

my husband seems to never want to spend time with me or my 2yr old son. he would rather play his online game. He plays from the time he gets home until late at night after we are in bed. ive tried talking to him about only playing a couple hours here and there and nothing seems to work. My brother in law spends more time with him than my husband.. its been like this for a year straight almost.. what can i do? It seems i try to do so much for him and get nothing back. I just feel like the man i fell in love with is gone. We argue all the time. im just not happy anymore how could i find whats missing?

Answer 1

Well if I were you I would tell him we need to have a serious talk and if he doesn't listen tell him that you need him to spend time with you and your son and if that doesn't work well then you know what comes next. gl2u

Answer 2

Hello Carmen~
This is going to take more than just you trying to find what is missing in this relationship/marriage. Meanwhile since you've talked to your husband and nothing seems to work. I suggest that you stop waiting on him hand and foot. Allow him to do all the things you do for him.
You see once you stop doing this , he want have time to get online and play games all night. This may not be something that you thought you'd hear, but it will work.
He has gotten used to you doing everything from the cooking to the laundry. So now Carmen it's time to STOP! You take time for you and the child as you've already been doing. Also I suggest that you should make yourself a spa day appointment one evening or something for YOU! Tell your husband that on Blank day at such and such time you have an appointment and he will have to take care of the child.
On another weekend make plans for you and the little one go out have mother and son day. They don't stay small long so you enjoy the mother/son bonding. Besides children see , know and feel more things than we parents give them credit for. Your child will remember that daddy was always to busy playing games to do anything, spend time with him or you (mommy)
Don't sweat it .. you just have to out smart, out wit and out play your own husband at his own game!
Lastly I suggest if all else fails you tie up the computer with your son. Go to fisher price website they have games there that are just wonderful for toddlers where they can learn colors, numbers and play match games online.
Your 2 yr old son will get a kick out it and also the animals make sounds also!!
I hope that this helps you be strong and keep on keeping on ok!!

Take care of yourself and your son!!

Ssgtmommy~

Answer 3

Some people find games like a door to get out of stress of problems, probably he is taking this game like a door, some people sleep, you should try talking to him, and see what is going on?
You say that you both argue all the time, try talking but a serious talking ask somebody to take care of your son and go to some place both of you, have dinner or something and talk.

Probably it's not more than misunderstanding, but sometimes is difficult to connect again in the same frequency.
Good luck.

Answer 4

I suggest you seek marriage counselig with your husband to try to work through this together if at all possible. It seems like he is putting this above you and the marriage and this is not a good thing. Why do you argue all of the time. Stop arguing with him and talk to him calmly and say nice things and not mean things and who knows maybe someday he will start treating you more like he used to in the beginning. Also take him out on dates once in a while and get on the computer with him at times and play games with him:) He might enjoy it if you do this with him. Also go to http://www.drphil.com and email him for help and advice in this matter. Good luck to you and i sure hope things get better for you and your marriage soon.

Answer 5

i understand.. my husband and I were married 4 years when we hit this problem and we also had a young son who he never spent any time with (his out was fishing) this may seem really hard to understand but you have to find happiness without him.. he's not going to be interested in you if all you do is bug him about how he doesn't do things and if you're argueing all the time (your son will suffer from that one) .. you have to decide for yourself that you are going to be happy wether he wants you to be or not.. it's really hard to do but you have to get up and get yourself ready for the day .. put on a smile and actually have a good day.. do things.. while he's playin his stupid games go visit a friend, play very hapily with your son.. kind of ignore him and his negative behaviour.. let me tell you it is extremely hard to do... but in the end things will come together for you and he will start to engage.. if all else fails get rid of the computer... take it to a computer repair shop and tell him that it had a virus so you were getting it cleaned up for him.. good luck and hang in there.. take care of yourself and your baby! ps.having him "back" isn't what is missing!

Answer 6

Hi I'm rely sorry to here such a thing! try making a fancy dinner with a red candle in the middle of the table! get your brother in law to bay-sit him for a while! Talk to your husband and tell him you love him and that you son does too and that you want to spend more time with him! then if it works bring your son out and let him play with him!

Answer 7

Been there done that.

After years of arguing, fighting, threatening, etc, frankly what worked with my husband was when he came home one day and actually SAW me packing. That set him back and made him think.

After that it was a really hard struggle, but we've stuck it out. I wish you luck. The fact of the matter is that my tactic might not work for you...but that's a risk YOU would have to take.

Answer 8

Find activities outside of your home to keep you busy. If you don't work, maybe even get a part time job. Go to the library, go window shopping, attend classes, hand out with friends. Do not rely on him right now. As you start busying yourself with other things, he will start to notice that you aren't there, and asking him for attention. He will notice, and he will start wanting to spend time with you. When he does notice and is ready to come out of his online funk, be appreciative and show him that you're happy to be spending time with him again. Give him the distance he needs right now, and then when he is able to give you attention, be appreciative of that.

Answer 9

Tell him that it's the game or you and your son. My mother did that to my father when she was sick of him drinking (he wasn't a drunk, but liked his beer and acting like an idiot while drinking). He never picked up a drink again. Of course, I never knew this until years later. The one lady was right, let him see you packing. If he chooses the games, your life wouldn't be very happy with him, now would it?

Answer 10

Wow. That was my life. Marriage counselling, talking it out, changing myself to please him more.....nothing worked. He just wanted out and didn't have the backbone to say so. So, after 5 years of marriage, and with a 2 year old daughter, I left. He has changed alot since I left. He's become the man I wished he'd been with me. I guess he just needed for me to leave in order for him to do that. We get along now. Are separated for almost 2 years, and have each moved on with our lives with other people. It hurt like h*** to leave, but it hurt even worse to stay. Life is so much happier now for both of us. Painful way to realize it, but we're still alive and breathing! I feel your pain. God bless.