Is this normal - I am unhappy in my marriage?

Question

I have only been married for almost 3 years. we have two kids and the so called "perfect" life. why does my husband ignore me? He was raised by a very cold distant mother. So he says that is why he is that way. but I am a very attractive woman (not trying to be conceited, but I was a model prior to marriage) and he always tries to have sex with me, but now I dont want to because that is the ONLY attention he pays to me. He says he doesnt mean to . But it's killing me and now I find myself looking at other men and thinking about divorce. I know this is wrong - what to do???

Answer 1

Unfortunately, your situation is considered the "norm" in tons of marriages out there. BUT it doesn't mean it's right or that you should accept it. What were the reasons you two married ? Was there once a good relationship and what do you think, besides his "inherited" cold/distant attitude he got from his mother...caused you to get to this point ? It's very confusing and frustrating, I know. You struggle with whether or not to work on your marriage or divorce and try to find someone better for you and vice-versa. The best thing to do is talk to him when the kids are not around and have a very long and honest conversation about your relationship and where it's going and if you two are willing to make it work. Do you think he has also been thinking of other women, like you think of other men ? It may be why he's so distant...but he may not be. You should ask him this question and just tell him everything that's on your mind, including the idea of a possible divorce. I think once you have that discussion and if you decide to try and work it out but later on you find yourself in the same situation and things aren't improving, then you should part ways and it will be hard but it would be the right thing to do if the love is lost and there's no chance of it returning, in your opinion. The kids will be better off seeing you separately than to be raised around a loveless relationship...even if you are polite to each other and not fighting. They can sense when you're not happy. So...you've got a lot of thinking and talking to do. Good luck.

Answer 2

Marriage counseling, marriage counseling, marriage counseling, I cannot say that enough. Instead of asking advice from a bunch of strangers why not try someone that would be able to actually help you with your problem. Assuming that your husband is willing to go into counseling you should find that going through this will help answer a lot of questions that you may or do have. If counseling doesn't help then divorce may be the only alternative, but give that a try first before you throw in the towel. Good Luck

Answer 3

You need to see a counselor or the minister that married you and gave you pre-marital counseling, (which should be required to get married to help keep the divorce rate down) DO NOT CHEAT! It only makes you out to be a bad person. Think about your children. Do whatever you can to make this work. Don't blame your husband for having a crappy mother. He already knows he has a problem and that's half of the solution. Also, I don't care if you look like Angelina Jolie, if your husband doesn't feel like he can communicate with you he's not going to try and change.

Answer 4

I was in the very same marriage, the only attention he gave to me was when the lights were out, you've got to fix this now, because in the long run he managed to break my spirit, into me thinking i wasn't attractive to anyone, you'll lose self esteem, believe me on this....... Don't let him do this to you, if he can't pay attention to you when the lights are on, don't touch me when their off....... Don't try to get his attention, go out with the girls and have the time of your life, im not suggesting cheating at all, but when your husband see's for himself that other men are looking, his eyes will open wide..... mine did, but it was a day too late. I divorced him

Answer 5

call me I will come over and treat you right. he'll get jealous and be tought a lesson about how some guys have good looking women and still arent happy. or think just cuz they married you they can treat you like crap. My wife said that too. Id be nice till I got some. then Id be an ahole. But I showed her it was really her and her attitude that made me have a bad attitude. She 'd come home from work I would be in a great mood house clean, laundry done , supper cooked. she'd walk in the door immediately once in the door and start in about someone at work who pissed her off that day. You always need to think positive or dont give him any any see how he acts. talk talk talk if you dont communicate you cant fix whats wrong.if you point out when hes bad

Answer 6

Everyone goes thru this stage in there marriage and most now a days tend to just give up on marriage but i feel it what you make of it do some of the thing you use to do before the kids and married. like go to the movies and flirt around, send him email just to say hi and see what he is doing which will make him think about you more and trigger some flowers and dating again and possibly more.

good luck let me know how it works out

Answer 7

After married for few years, especially man will change. They thought after marriage, there is no need of communications and romantic. They just thought that by giving you a place called home its already good to you. I think you should try to advise him to go for marriage counselling with you. Going to another man just when you are still married is wrong. Man changed after marriage, so there is no need to look for another man as you never know the other man will change to which type of person after marriage.

Answer 8

well before you make any rash desicions talk to your husband. explain that "hey i dont like where this is going and we need to think things through". hopefully then you will have a good relationship. besides you must still care about him since ya did marry him, so if you are just patient and dont do anything too rash like cheating or even divorce just talk things out with him. it might be a struggle but if you want to keep your family togther then just be understanding and patient and everything will be okay. good luck and have a great night! :]

Answer 9

That's a tough one. My advice is to gets some counselling. If you love him..its worth a try. Definelty, before you seek a divorce. Try you local chrisian church..in fact, going to church may make a difference. Having a moral structure can lead to all kinds of good things.

I'm sure his parents did affect the way he deals with you, but I like to think that in time people can make adjustments.

Wish you luck.

Answer 10

He is telling you that though you want him to be more affectionate, he may not be able to do that any time soon. Your looks have nothing to do with this. Be appreciative of all that he DOES do for you and the children. Spend a lot of time thinking about what you have instead of what you don't have. The less you ask him for something he has trouble giving, the more likely he is to come around later, on his own.