How can we know he is the "right" one before marriage?

Question

how long should we know a person before marrying them?

Answer 1

if you have any doubts, do not marry that person. It is that simple. Yes, it sounds silly, but it is true

Answer 2

There's no simple answer to knowing who's the "right" one. Get premarital counseling and take it seriously. That's good advice for anybody. Nobody is the perfect match. You make the best match you can and work on the other parts.

Now, as far as best time: there actually is a range of best time. I'm not sure what the minimum time is, but it's at least several months. The maximum time is about three years. You can marry before or after this period of time, but the risk of failure goes up. Marriage isn't the time to find out what you didn't think of asking while you were infatuated. Infatuation fades, to be replaced with...what, if you have nothing in common or have serious differences? Likewise, if you've been together three years and somebody isn't ready for a commitment, it's time to find out why.

Answer 3

I don't think anyone really "knows" - we just guess! How good is your guess depends on your wisdom, your experience, your knowledge of yourself and other people. It is also worth pointing out that while it helps to start off with someone compatible, it does take some effort to make your marriage the best it can be; so you don't just "happen" to meet someone who's "right" for you - you *make* them to be right even when things aren't quite perfect. How long should you know a person before you decide on marriage? It depends! My parents dated for 3 months before getting married; they're still married 33 years later. Yet, some people I know dated and lived together for a few years before marrying their partner, and they are now divorced. The length of time you know a person doesn't seem to be as important a factor as the personal wisdom and committment of the parties involved.

Answer 4

I don't think it is a matter of time that you should know someone. It just depends on if they are the love of your life. Is this a person that you couldn't live without? If you know 6 months after you meet someone that they are that person, then why wait? But when you meet the person you are meant to marry, you'll know it, and you won't have any doubts about it. I've known my fiance for 3 years and I know with 100% of me that there is no other person in this entire world that can make me happier than he does. So if you're questioning it, just sit on it for a while and maybe you guys are meant to be together but if you're not sure about it now, then you should probably wait.

Answer 5

This is a very good question. The trouble is that we don't heed good advice. We prefer to hear answers that will validate our rush to judgment. Still, here goes...
A person can "fake" his/her personality for a couple of years; especially if you are a: seeing that person in isolation or b: in a context of trust. What I mean is:
a. If you don't get to meet friends and family - RED FLAG! No man is an island. Your intended should have some relationships that give you an idea of how s/he cares for others and interacts with them. It may not be the family they were born into, but if they don't have any close relationships that you can observe and/or become a part of RUN!
b. I have personal experience with this one. Your relationship is not mine, I know that, but if I can help somebody else by telling my pain, I'm willing. My husband came with a "halo effect." He was assistant pastor of a church. That is what I mean by a context of trust. He was the number two man of the church! Humble. Poor, but serving God. Honest. Trustworthy. Kind. Considerate and well grounded. At least that is what the "context" of his positon and what I believed my experience with him was for TWO YEARS before I married him. I had no proof of those traits, I just believed them. Ok, POOR, I had a clue about because other than free church events we went virtually no place. The rest I just assumed were givens due to his position. Long story short, we married.
He turned out to be an impotent pedophile, a liar and a con artist. We didn't engage in premarital sex, due to our beliefs. (I still think this was right, but there WERE signs that he was not a well man in that department.) I separated from him after 3 months. I divorced him 2 years later, the minimum I had to wait since I could not serve him with papers, since I didn't know where he went once "the jig was up!"
What I'm trying to tell you is KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN. Love is not only blind, but also deaf and extremely dumb.
Get this man/woman around PLENTY of other people and into PLENTY of social situations. Take your time. I too heard of people who married after a short period of time because they were so deeply in love. It almost always ends in disaster.
Love stories are usually just that, stories. People who marry in haste often repent in leisure. I'm fine and nobody got hurt, but it was a waste of my trust and a couple years of my life. Not to mention the money I spent on the ceremony and on the divorce. He left the church immediately after I found him out in the marriage. He has since joined another congregation.
There is no fault in God, just in that man and my poor judgement and not listening to my instincts. My faith is intact. God is still God. Now I know to trust not only him, but the signs and wisdom he gives as well. I had bad dreams about this man, one involving him peeking at a naked child. He explained it away saying it revealed his innocent and child-like nature!
Be careful. People can hide their true selves for quite a while.

Answer 6

A long engagement at least a year, during that time talk a lot about everything that you each expect from marriage and how many kids you will have, also make sure you are debt free before tying the knot.

Answer 7

Usually you just know. Your heart tells you it is right. I knew my guy was the right on for me and we are still together and married happily and still going strong going on 9 years so far. I would say know the person at least a year before marriage and make sure you know them really well.

Answer 8

I know people who have daten for ten years, been married for two and are now divorcing. So I think the question is not how long but how much do you know a person. And only you can answer this question. Good luck.

Answer 9

Probably 18-24 months with no repetitive major red-flags: good character, good attitude, flexible.

It takes a while to get to know somebody and see them in enough situations to know who you are really dealing with. Don't let your ego and day dreams get in the way. Marriage is allegedly "tell death do us part", so there's no need to rush in.

You';ll waste more time rushing into a bad relationship/marriage than you will taking time to get to know somebody.

Source: my personal experience after rushing in far too many times.

Answer 10

I think it depends on the relationship. I have never been married but I loved someone a lot and if I ever have feelings like that for someone I will definitely marry him.

Answer 11

Long enough to see him interact with his family and friends. How does he treat his mother? It's a good sign of how he will treat you. You can really get to know a guy well by observing him with his family and friends. Try it and then decide if he's marriage material.