I am having the most wonderful relationship with this man who is 20 years older than me. I am 32, he is 53. Of course i am confused since i did not expected God send me a man his age. We are soul connected, great communication and chemistry, sex is incredible, i mean beyond believe. Last Sunday we went to the Opera and i could see people staring at us. I felt a little embarrased since they might be thinking i am a gold digger. We are happy, but...i do not know. What will happen to us in 10 years when i am 42 and he is 63? Should i live him even if i feel this great about him??
2007-03-05 11:03:27 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't worry what other people think. You are old enough to make your own decisions. Just go with the flow but don't get your head lost in the clouds. May/December romances can work but I think with some compromise and sacrifices on both your parts. For instance if you wanted to have a child he may not be so open to the idea and realistically might not be around to see him/her graduate from college. Men also do tend to age harder than women. You probably will be less energetic in 20 years when you are 52 but still pretty spry where as he may completely slow down at 73.
With all that said, I recognize I am a complete stranger who is on the outside looking in. It sounds like you are now happy so my advice would be to follow your heart and do what you feel is right for you.
2007-03-05 11:23:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Yes, a 20 year age gap can really matter, maybe not now, but certainly in 10, 15, 20, 30 years. It all depends.
1st how long have you been seeing each other ? 1 month, 6 months, 1 years?
2 Do you want to have children? Does He?
3 Actually, when you went to the Opera people might not have been thinking you were a gold digger, they might have been thinking you were a paid escort, or that he was a dirty old man.
How much does this bother you? In 20 years they may think you are his nurse.
4 this brings up the fact that assuming you both live another 30 years are you willing to spend your retirement as his caregiver?
5 You mention the possibility of people thinking you are a gold digger, He is wealthy, compared to your financial situation, or does he put it on his credit card. Is he using money to impress you, does he have to use Viagra, do you know ? All of these things can affect your relationship.
Suggestion: If you are serious about your relationship with this man, and are considering marriage, I would suggest some pre-marital counseling for yourself and for you as a couple. After all you have all of the usual things that couples have to discuss as well as all the age related issues.
2007-03-05 11:19:43 · answer #2 · answered by Judy D 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
At your ages, age really isn't that significant of a factor, IMO, as long as you are both compatable. My dad was 20 years older than my mom and he far outlived her. The point is, enjoy it while it lasts-which may be for a long time-but you never know what tomorrow brings. You must, however, be willing to accept the physical changes that come with age. That may not be a significant factor if he is very physically fit, though.
I am concerned, though, that at your age you are worried that other people may think you are a gold digger. In fact, you seem overly concerned about what other people think. You say that you are happy, but that sounds like a red flag to me...
EDIT:
I feel compelled to add that I agree with what some of the others have said. God does not send a lover for you to fornicate with. As someone else suggested, you really should actually READ the Bible which is very clear on the subject of fornication. I'm not saying it to be blunt--it's just something you really need to know if you think that God sent this man to you.
2007-03-05 11:28:48 · answer #3 · answered by Leroy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are significant developmental milestones you've not even touched that he's crossed... these will emerge when the relationship really deepens and moved forward thru time. They can be a source of lots of trouble later on. Also, from a purely sexual standpoint, in 20 years he'll be 73 and you'll be 52-- will you find a fairly wrinkled elderly man attractive (one who may only be able to perform sexually 2-3 times per month max w/o Viagra) when you're still quiet virile? Finally, these things usually (not always) phase out after the developmental issues keep popping up (unless the guy is very immature for his age and can meet you at your age) and especially after the HEAT has been replaced with LIGHT!.
For those who say: age doesn't matter, none have been down this road for the long hall and they speak out of ignorance: BEWARE!!! Love does not conquer all, as the hopeless Romantics suggest.
2007-03-05 11:21:52 · answer #4 · answered by Wisdom??? 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you have no problem with the age factor then nothing else matters. But then if you didnt have at least a small problem with this, you wouldnt be on here asking about it. Youre going to be in your prime of life when hes becoming a silver fox, when the idea of a same aged or younger man will come into play. Get used to the stares cause theyll probably get more frequent as life goes on and you two will appear as father and daughter to everyone. But if none of this bothers you,then what anyone else thinks is of no matter. Best of luck to you both
2007-03-05 11:23:16 · answer #5 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Listen,when a women gets in her 40's her sex drive peaks...and goes crazy for years.
You are going to be with a limp old man.
And this man that you think God sent...the devil sent.
If you don't pray read your bible or go to church...God DOES not send someone you can sleep with.
Sorry to be so blunt..my girls hate this about me....but they have learned I am right.
The sex is what is connecting you two...to LUST not love.
I bet if you could speak with an ex of his...you would run sooo
fast away from him...these type of guys tell you how wonderful they are and how bad they were mistreated...which is
usually...they are telling what they did to their ex..just turning the tables. That why it sounds like the truth...it the TWISTED truth.
2007-03-05 11:15:57 · answer #6 · answered by Bobbie4u 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Age does not really matter here. If you two are good together and are in love for the right reasons go for it. I am happy for the both of you and good luck to the both of you! I wish you the best. If you dont have a problem with the age difference then no one else should either. Live your life and be happy! Let people stare! Who cares what they think!
2007-03-05 11:21:01 · answer #7 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
it's good that you're thinking about the future. My sister was married to a man 20 years older than her, at first it was all peaches & cream, later on when he was in his 60's, things changed and I am sure you know what I mean. Think wisely before you make any decisions.
2007-03-05 11:14:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Girl, if you are happy with him (he sounds wonderful) you will not let a couple stares at the opera shake your amazing relationship. Keep smiling to yourself because you have what a lot of women crave...a sexy older man. Go girl!
2007-03-05 11:35:14 · answer #9 · answered by AmandaHugNKiss 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well since your 32 don't you think now would be a good time to stop worrying about what someone else may say...jeez
2007-03-05 11:09:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋