Who do I turn to if I think i've been obducted?

Question

I think I've been obducted by an Alien Space Craft. Who do I turn to for help?

Answer 1

Abduction Procedures for Abductees:

1.) Take a careful survey of your surroundings and locate
any loose objects within reach which may help you to
regain your freedom.

2.) Study and observe your captors. Determine their manner
and type of speech/language. Notice their times of coming and
going into the compartment or room where you reside. Try to
make sense of their schedule so you can determine when the
most alert and dangerous ones are on duty, and when those
less alert and easier to get along with are on duty.

3.) Strike up a conversation with the Pilot or Pilots. While making
idle chatter about life on Earth, your friends, your lovers, and so
forth, begin observing how they navigate the vessel. Check for
any signs of familiar objects or places. Collect as much information as possible.

4.) If you are inside, who goes outside? What do they wear?
How are they armed - what kind of weapons? Is it cold, or hot
outside? Do your abductors wear any special kind of clothing
to protect against the heat or coldness? Are there any special
breathing devices used? Where are they stored? Can you gain
access to them?

5.) One single group does not act alone in most cases. There
has to be some control of the mission or flight. Do they use any
kind of radio system to contact others? Is it at all familiar to you? Who operates it? Is there a schedule for contacts that you can
figure out?

6.) Where is your cell phone? Did they take it from you? If not,
when all alone, try to make a secret call to 911 or the operator.
That is your best bet.

7.) If you are all alone and possibly abandoned by the abductors,
it is important that you take a physical inventory of all of your
injuries as soon as possible. If you can not find any significant
injuries, then make a trip as fast as possible to the nearest police station and report what happened. Tell them all of the information in the questions I just listed out for you. After completion of that
visit, head straight for the nearest newspaper office and meet with them to give them the story of your abduction and safe escape. Many others will be happy to know you are safe and okay.

Answer 2

Your proctologist. Quik

Answer 3

Hmmm...
perhaps a spelling coach?

Answer 4

Write down everything you can remember and put it up on Elfwood http://www.elfwood.com I want to read about it!

Answer 5

There is only one person who can help. The Trailer_Trash_Zombie_Killer

Answer 6

The one that looks the most reasonable!!!!

Answer 7

a shrink.

if you don't have photographs, DNA evidence, or something to back up your claim, I don't see how anyone will take it seriously...

sorry you got probed....

Answer 8

they must have taken your ability to spell check away!

Answer 9

ET he'll understand!