What do I do if my husband keeps lieing?

Question

I recently checked my husbands phone bill on line to find out he was talking to this girl I dont like and lied about it. (not talking in the cheating on me sense, just talking),but the fact is he lied. I then find out he opened a savings account behind my back and tried to say that there is only like $20 in there, then I find out he has been putting money in it and taking it out and lieing to me. I do not think he is cheating becuase he wakes up, goes to work and comes right home. I just dont understand why the constant lieing. There are more little white lies, to many to list here. I dont know what to do. I dont wanna be in a marriage wondering if everything that comes out of my husband's mouth is a lie. This is causing problems. everytime I find out a lie, I confront him and he says I am invading his privacy and it always turns out to be all on me. I suggested counseling to him but he refuses to go. Please help. we have been together for 15 years, dont want it to end. what do I do?

Answer 1

White lies are one thing, but secret accounts aren't what most consider white lies. Money in, and money out of a secret account?? Sorry, but you'd be crazy not to wonder what he's spending the secret funds on?? Gotten much nice jewelry lately? Some people just seem to tell tall tales, and even believe them themselves. But, money lies just ain't white.

Answer 2

You dont have much of a choice here except to get counseling if your relationship is to survive. I can see in your details that youve reached the point where enough has bcome enough and youre through taking his lies anymore. Understandably, after 15 vyears you dont want to give up but you cant keep on going on like this either. Time has come for some tough love if you two are to make it 20 years. Give him the ultimate choice;counseling or divorce. One or the other but not both. Hes an addicted liar and chances are he really doesnt realize hes telling the lies when he does. Most of the time a liar like this is actually living in his world of lies and cant distinguish the difference between the two. Hes going to need a wake up call to pull out of this and professional help will help him to this. You wont be able to do it yourself. Hes blaming his problem on you which only compounds his lying problem and shows me that he hasnt yet admitted he has a problem which make trying to get him professional help harder, so this is where the option is going to show him what reality is and that you see thru him but your love for him is willing to help him. Good luck

Answer 3

Jabon, do your self a big favor, yes your husband is really lying to you big time. you said that you think his not having an affair?? but talking to this woman on the phone?? dang, let me tell you a little bit about mine, last December I saw my husband's statement, and theres a lot out there that tells from his job and he also teach part time 3x a week then, but theres this number that made me question cause theres a lot of that number. So I asked him what's in temecula, and he told me that's it's a wine country which I already know. Then asked him he he knows the number that I gave him, his face turns white, and he told me that he has a costumers back there a blonde headed woman with a son.
We lived in Chula vista and it takes 11/2 hour drive to go to Temecula,he never done that before, all of his costumers
(computer) lives close and the farther one is in El Cajon. Then he start acting funny,just like your husband, he comes home in the evening and goes to work in the morning, but he was having an affairs to this married woman. how did he do it?? between the time he goes to work, during his teaching class and comes home. No one will ever know that he was seeing another woman on the side,till I caught him. now he wants to come back and really sorry for the adultery that he did, ruining my kids x-mas and all other things.
If I were you, I will get the number of that woman,call her, or even good, see if you can follow him so it will peak your curiosity. If you dont do this,it will be you that will be hurt, it will be you that will suffer and you will loose your trust and respect towards him. Don't let him know what you need to do, but do it and youll see the answer that you want to know....if you want a few more tips,let me know,I'll be here for you!!................good luck and be strong!!

Answer 4

Well for starters, you seem like a very insecure woman. Someone who is constantly having to check up on their mate has some issues. So many times I here that things are his and things are hers. Marriage is to be a partnership. Everything is to shared together because you two are together. Maybe he is getting tired of the third degree from you everyday and he is looking elsewhere for someone who will talk to him as a person and not as a criminal who is being interrogated by say a cop. If you want to make it another 15 years, YOU had better back off or you will push him away. Your choice.

Answer 5

The reverse blame trick is one that has been tried on me. I had to laugh in his face. We didn't last long.

My Mother used to say she would rather deal with a thief than a liar any day, you can lock a thief out but not a liar.

I really feel sorry for you to have 15 years of marriage, and look at your husband, and can't put any faith in his words. I don't believe I could handle that. How would he like it if you where like him ?? Is he a habitual liar ?? Done it so long, its a habit ??
Why does he need to be secretive ?? Not how the marriage is suppose to be.
If it where me and he wouldn't go to counseling and he wouldn't quit this childish lying, Then I would choose not to live with him. He may choose counseling then. If you choose not to leave then your only alternative is to accept it and start saving monies yourself out of what ever pot you can. Good luck to you~~Jill

Answer 6

HUN......Don't be nieve about him cheating. From everything that you are saying.....you can best believe that he is....but dont go off crying. There is software out there that you can put on your computer that will email you every IM, email that he sends....and the hardware hides itself deep in your computer. You already know who the woman is....so this is a good thing......I honestly think that the reason he has opened up another account is because he is planning on leaving you for this woman.....so you need to get busy, and I mean weeks ago busy. Now, it is going to hurt to know all this....but you have got to get your head out of the sand on this.....once you get all your information to confirm whether he is cheating or not....then you can be the one to kick his butt out of the house...but first see your lawyer with your information.....and also see if you can sue this other woman for aleination of affection....Because she is the reason that the reason for all this. Once she is the suite is in place if the lawyers agrees to it, if there is enough evidence.....she will think twice b4 cheating with a married man, because yes, you can get a substancial amount from her. I know a lady who sued her husband mistress.....and she received a great sum of money, plus walked away with her husbands business that she still own asn operates to this day, this woman is worth million.

I wish you all the best in this, and I wished that I could say with 100% certaintly that you husband is not cheating on you....but all the signs are there, and pluse it appears that he is making financila arrangements to leave you......just beat him too it......but you have to get the proof of him cheating....plus you never know what he does during his lunch hour....or he could be taking an 1/2 day here and there......PLZ, Plz don't be nieve

Answer 7

I can't stand a liar. I'd leave unless it stopped. I've been married for 16 years and I caught my husband in a lie once, longggg ago. I told him how it made me feel, and made it clear that it wasn't how I wanted to live. You're not his mother, you're his wife. Marriage is about sharing a life together. If he has parts of his life that he doesn't want to share, then let him go live it. If he won't seek counseling with you, I'd lay down an ultimatum. Him turning it around on you is very wrong and shows how insecure he is about his actions.

Answer 8

listen to your gut!!!! it's never wrong. he's cheating, and deep down you know he is. quit making up excuses for the person you want so badly to believe, because that person is long gone leave a message. i hate to be so tough lovish with you, but you need to hear it. your situation sounds to much like mine was. if you don't listen to your instincts you will only question your own sanity in the long run. go ahead invade that liar's privacy! when he pulls that card remind him of why your doing it, and never say sorry for checking up on you, but rather i'm sorry you've given me reason to.

Answer 9

sister, that is totally your mistake. one lady who develop right into a pregnant ability she in reality afftected. gents excaped from pragnace. yet they prefer sex each and each of the time. pregnant isn't a ailment. co-oprate along with your husbant after consulting your well being care service , you are able to have a sex, bu oral of exact. sex even as the ladies are pregnet is accessible and in no way offence. then you definately see , he in no way watching the porn web site. if proceed , this isn't ver massive issue, search for advice from a psycologist

Answer 10

My husband tells alot of white lies! It's annoying! He doesn't just tell lies to me. He tells them to his parents, my parents, his siblings, his friends....the list goes on.I think they need psychological help. My husband loves me, I know.....but I believe that it's a sickness that needs some professional attention.