over the years i have lost many friends and boyfriends, and now i have 2 good friends and a boyfriend and i love them alot, but for some reason i dont want to be with them i love them dearly but even with my boyfriend i dont want to be around him even tho we have been togther for over 4 years and i have been friends with the other girls for over 10 but i seem to be pushing people away all the time i dont even know why.
from when i was 6 my farther left me as a child but i dont know if that has anything to do with it.
i just have a really bad feeling at the bottom of my heart every time i am with people i love i just cant seem to be happy and carm.
i dont know what wrongs can you help me please?
2007-03-05 10:42:31 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Wether you realise it or not somewhere in your past you have felt let down or betrayed by someone you loved and trusted, what this has done is unconciously stopped you from trusting or getting close to anyone, it is not something that is your fault but you do need to address it, in your mind although not consiously you are pushing those who care and love you away so that they cannot hurt you cause thats what you believe happens when you love people, Life is a very strange and challenging thing and it is very easy to let things from the past decide how we will react in our future,if you can beecome aware of what it is that hurt you enough to make you react this way then that is half the battle, but remember one thing that I have learnt, there will be many bad people in your walk through life those that will hurt you, but there will also be many good people those that will love you care for you and always be there for you, instead of trying to work out each person or treating each the same by pushing them away just let it be if it is good then enjoy it if it is bad then let your feelings go with it for every hurt there is a lesson to learn as it is the same for every good thing relax and live take each experience and learn from it when you have a good experience take the good with you and bring it into your life when you have a bad experience look at it learn from it and put it in the bin its all a lesson and we need to learn to take from each lesson what we need out of it and the rest to be disgarded. Good luck I hope this has helped you Itell you this from experience and a terrible childhood which I have learnt and grown from ..
2007-03-06 00:21:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your Father leaving when you were 6 has everything to do with how you feel toward people, especially those you get close to or come to love, it's almost like having a "death-wish",. You get so afraid they are going to leave, as your father did, that you tend to push them away before they do it to you. You must look at the situation and realise, they really do love you, the fact that they are still around proves it. Good friends are hard to come by, so value the ones you have. Good luck, be happy, be well but most of all be YOU!
2007-03-05 12:32:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello, I do exactly this and I can pin point it to loosing my best friend at the age of 8 to cistic fibrosies. When she died I no longer belonged anywhere and floated from one group to another. I still don't think I have ever really fitted in with anything else. So when I get close to someone I end up withdrawing before they can!
I had another experience with a friend that I got close with and I thought I was at the point of sorting myself out when she put me down and she slated my character which I didn't feel was right. Main reason for it I had introduced her to another good friend of mine and I was suplus to requirements. Since then she has regretted it and I won't have anything more to do with her as she hurt me too much.
Anyway, I am now doing congitive behaviour therapy. I am just about at the end of the course and I am pretty sure that it would help you with what you are doing.
Good luck and stop pushing them away. The likelyhood of them leaving are very slim but they certainly will f you continue doing what your doing.
2007-03-05 20:35:45 · answer #3 · answered by KANGA 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you are feeling,the only difference my father never left, but my ex (my sons father) did well he was never really there in the first place, and although that is over 20years ago now, I blame that for me not being able to trust. I am now engaged have been for a year now, he moved in with me last October, but I now find myself pulling away from him, trying to stop it but it just keeps happening. I know he will eventually leave,but it,s as though I don,t care and deep down I know I do and don,t really want him to leave, as if i,m stuck in a time warp with no way out. Good luck to you hope you get it right eventually
2007-03-05 19:40:15 · answer #4 · answered by Janet C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can get over this very simply by accepting that whoever the person is and however much you care for them, one day you will lose them. That is a fact of life. To love is to lose. As you get older, you must build many relationships of all types. People will come and go and you must learn to accept this and take it in your stride. What you're actually doing is sulking because certain people left. I'm not being cruel or harsh. When you accept what it is you are doing you will be halfway to stopping doing it.
2007-03-05 12:48:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean and I have been the same. I think it stems back to when we have lost someone we loved and even as a child you then become scared that whenever you meet anyone they will also leave you, and so a viscious circle starts. We push, they go which enforces our thoughts that everyone leaves us. It is hard to break but someone out there will prove you wrong. Be easy on yourself and it will be okay.
2007-03-06 00:11:09 · answer #6 · answered by runningbabe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you had unstable relationships as a child, you have grown up half expecting everyone to leave you. It was a pattern of inconsistency since you were a child. So now you can't seem to forge relationships that are stable because you fear what you need: intimacy. So unconsciously you are probably destroying relationships to avoid getting what you need before you get "hurt." What you need to do is be able to love yourself enough to realize that you are worthy of someone's love and time. It all starts there.
2007-03-05 12:48:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hhmm... pretty touch one.. well, psychologically speaking, this has something to do w/ how you are being brought up as a child.. everything that happened to you in the past has molded into what you are right now... there is something that you are afraid of... and you telling that your father left you when you were a child foretells something.. you are afraid to get close afraid that they may leave you.. and get hurt.. you tend to build walls a gap w/c why you push them away.. hhhmm... you can speak to a psychologist and have this behavior examined... please don't get me wrong on this.. this doesnt mean that you're mentally ill. this is for your own good... you have to figure out what's the root cause and fix it or things will be too late... i hope in any way i helped in your ordeal... and please pray... Ü
2007-03-05 11:00:07 · answer #8 · answered by yen yen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
May be you're afraid they'll leave you too, so you push them away first? I don't really know, and I'm not sure i can help.
But don't do that, this risk is worth taiking... you can't run away from all the people you love
2007-03-05 10:51:40 · answer #9 · answered by angel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What happen is: you give lots of value to yourself, you like yourself a lot, and you do not trust in the other people .You like them, but its not enough for you trust on them...
Reason, maybe your past, maybe not;
Solution, begin to accept the people, who likes you, for what they in really are, in all aspects.
2007-03-05 11:01:36 · answer #10 · answered by Fipa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋