My husband is a wonderful man, but his sex drive is really high. I would be able to keep up with him, if I didn't need time to recover as I usually get hurt while making love. I understand porn and it doesn't bother me. But his frequency worries me. We make love every other day or so or as allowed by my pain tolerance. But not even 6 hours later hes looking at porn. When I am at work, running errands, even asleep. I don't know what to do. I try to talk to him about it, he says he needs porn just as much as he needs me, equally. It's just the frequency, like I am not good enough for him. I tell him it hurts me, my self esteem is low enough as it is. And I don't stand for that "I'm thinking of you" BULL. That's not how the mind works, and if its true thats only one step away from being with me and able to think of other women. Am I in the wrong for thinking this way? I'm just tired of being turned down for porn. We don't even go to bed together because he stays up to look at it. Help.
2007-03-05 10:38:56 · 13 answers · asked by Wench 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is painful because he is too big, and it tears the skin. He does care, sometimes that just gets put aside for the urges. We have talked about it many times, we never seem to get anywhere or end up concluding I just don't understand. We have done all the things we can think of to lower the pain or prevent it on occaision but it doesn't disappear all together. If I get mad at him he just hides his actions from me so I started to be more understanding when initiating the topic. I just don't know where to go from here. If I bring it up too much he takes it defensivly and acts out, saying hes a horrible man and gets down on himself. I'm starting to think I just need therapy. Thank you for all your answers.
2007-03-05 11:20:42 · update #1
Sounds like he might have an addiction to me. I'd put up with what you described for about a day. We teach others how to treat us. Porn is filling some void for him and I doubt its a sexual void. Every other day is quite normal for married people and should be enough for you both. I'm concerned that you talk about sex being so painful...is he hurting you? Have you discussed this with your ob/gyn? If his actions are painful to your self esteem then you have some big desisions to make. If he doesn't make changes after a serious discussion you should seek counseling and go from there. Good luck :)
2007-03-05 11:09:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, porn and cheating are two different things. Dishonesty about either one, however, is similar in effect - but it doesn't sound like he's dishonest with you.
If you don't want to have sex more, than porn seems like a reasonable thing?
My initial reaction was the same as a the first poster - sex shouldn't hurt you...and if it does, there has to be a reason and a workaround (not to be too graphic, but there's ways to have sexual fun without actual intercourse). Does he show any concern that you're hurting? Is it because of him being rough, or is it maybe something you should see a doctor about? That's a real concern.
2007-03-05 11:00:43 · answer #2 · answered by romipenne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he may have a porn addiction. Believe it or not, porn is very addictive, and after a while, a person can become jaded to it and the mind will require harder and harder images or acts to produce the same thrill.
If he is hurting you during sex and and it does not bother him, there is a serious problem. If he's turning you down, for porn-that's a problem. If he has the gall to tell you he needs porn as much as he needs you-that is another very, serious problem!
My suggestion is to try and get him to see how irrational it is for him to consume so much porn. He may need professional counseling. Barring all that, I would suggest you ask him to choose you or the porn.
2007-03-05 11:12:12 · answer #3 · answered by Leroy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband has some major problems. Porn can really destroy a relationship. First it's porn then the next thing you know he will be meeting up with someone to have sex. You need to watch him carefully especially if he uses the computer!
2007-03-05 10:56:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something that worries me from reading your story is that you get hurt while making love. Does that not stop him?!? Does he know that it hurts? I think you need to take care of yourself. I think your husband needs to see psychiatrist as it's not normal for a grown man to devote most of his time to porn. And I think you should become less "understanding" and more assertive about your own needs!
2007-03-05 10:54:02 · answer #5 · answered by Alyssa Macey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is addicted to the porn. Therapy-both of you need counseling, most definitely him! As for the pain etc., please go see your gyn or reg dr. on this one. Your man needs to respect the fact that you get hurt. You may need to have your dr. have him come with you to a second appt. with the dr. to discuss this pain thing, etc. I wish you the best. Take care.
2007-03-05 11:41:32 · answer #6 · answered by SAK 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-06-23 13:25:57 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read what Nicole b has to say,it might help you make your mind up.(Women and sex).
2007-03-05 13:26:44 · answer #8 · answered by Willnotlietoyou 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'd be thankful he's not getting it elsewhere. however you need to talk to your doctor if you are getting hurt from sex.
2007-03-05 11:03:49 · answer #9 · answered by Pandora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm you can't keep up? Maybe "hire" some help.
2007-03-05 10:57:31 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋