Can a married man be good friends with an attractive female co-worker?

Question

Ok, I'm happily married. I work with a married very attractive female. We have great "chemistry" and I feel a strong sexual attraction for her and I know she feels the same way. I would never cheat on my wife. What's the best way to handle this so nobody gets hurt? can we be just good friends? Sometimes we're alone in the office. I can't afford to quit my job.

No offense, I think the guys would understand better.

I work for a loan company, in the afternoon or evenings or weekends few workers may be present. It just depends how much work they have.

She isn't real happy in her marriage, that kinda scares me.

She sits next me at our meetings and rubs my leg under the table, especially when watching powerpoint slides, lights out.

This is no joke. Honest.

There's too many good answers, I'll have to leave it to the audience.

Answer 1

Keep your relationship on a professional level at all times, especially with the bit of attraction you feel. Avoid those times that you're alone in the office, because that's when trouble starts.

If you keep things polite, distant and professional while at work, there will never be any issue at all.

Answer 2

Well, I think that it was good that you backed off once you realized he was married...but doesn't he wear a wedding ring? If not, why not? I think that as long as he isn't keeping this from his wife it shouldn't be a problem, but I would tread water carefully because while you say nothing would happen things do. Feelings develop after people are in close proximity with eachother and you said yourself that you have a lot in common. While it may seem innocent, don't be naive either. I think that your contact should be limited and if the shoe were on the other foot would you be happy if your husband was emailing and going out to lunch with another woman? Just be careful and if you find that you or he start to seem a little too involved then I would back away immediately because you may be surprised what things could happen. Just make sure whatever you type or talk about is always with respect for his wife in mind.

Answer 3

No, a married man shouldn't be "good friends" as you put it with an attractive co-worker. I see where this is heading and you deep down know where it is heading also. I know of a case where the most reliable, honest, and decent guy that said he would "never" cheat on his wife fell prey to a co-worker. He was married and she wasn't and didn't care that he was and manipulated his heart and mind. It nearly ruined his marriage and family. Luckily just in the nick of time he came to his senses and realized he was going down a bad path with this co-worker and fortunately for him the wife found the strength to forgive him. Hopefully you can contain yourself and the only female you should be "good" friends with is your wife so please stop right now with the flirting with this co-worker. You are getting somewhat of a high off of this temptation but if you aren't careful you will fall prey and before you know it you will do the ultimate and betray your wife. I hope you seriously consider what I am saying because if you go too far with this attractive co-worker you will break your wife's heart and that is a horrible feeling to have. Try not to be alone with this co-worker in the office and if you really are feeling tempted then you better start putting your resume out there for a different job for the sake of your marriage.

Answer 4

You are gonna have to control your feelings. It is possible that a married man can be good friends with an attractive female co-worker, but I don't think you can. The way you explain your feelings say that if given the chance you would cheat on your wife in a heartbeat. Don't go anywhere with woman. Go to work and just do your job. Also whenever you feel tempted to take take your friendship to the next level, then call your wife.

Answer 5

Yes, my best friend is an attractive woman. We know longer work together but remain friends. She is still married. I divorced over 10 years ago but had nothing to do with my friend. We had good chemistry, but we were smart enough to set goot boundaries. This allowed the friendship to flourish and caused no problems.

Don't let anyone tell you that you can't be friends with an attractive woman and co-worker. What matters is the integrity of your word. Once you break that.... forget it.

Answer 6

If you want to handle this in a way that no one gets hurt simple. You can't be this persons friend, and you gave yourself the answer because : "we have great chemistry together, and I feel a strong sexual attraction for her....." You don't need this drama in your life if you are happily married and want to remain that way, and you can't afford to quit your job. The next time your alone in the office with this coworker call your wife and talk even if it's for a few minutes, also make sure your not alone with the coworker. Because I doubt that you would feel good about that type of situation if it was happening to your wife, was having great chemistry and/or sexual attraction to another man.

Answer 7

No, if your already attracted to her it can mean nothing but trouble. You say that you would never cheat on your wife, but I personally don't believe you! I'm sorry if that offends you but I have to say whats in my heart, you said yourself it was a strong feeling! Of course you can't quit your job, but do you really have to be alone with her so much in the office or are you just making excuses. And granted even if you have no intentions towards cheating on your wife, you don't know how your"Friend" is feeling. The best way to handle the situation, is ask to be transferred to a different position and take yourself out of the situation. I hop this helped, sorry if I've offended you!

Answer 8

How about keeping your mind on the job instead of your attractive co-worker?

Many people say they WON'T cheat, but once there is chemistry and "sexual" attraction, YOU can't say, nor can anyone else say CHEATING won't happen.

Try thinking more about your wife. Being GOOD firnds with this lady isn't healthy for your or her marriage. Too much temptation in this world.

Answer 9

Step away from the co-worker. That's your solution. You don't have to quit your job, just keep your relationship STRICTLY business.

You say you are happily married and feel a strong sexual attraction? You claim she feels the same way? Why are you strongly sexually attracted to someone else if you are happily married.

The best way to handle this so no one gets hurt is to be sure a situation NEVER develops. In other words, be sure nothing happens.

I was in grad school when I was engaged. There was a classmate/team member to whom I was very attracted. I NEVER told her, and never tried to pursue any kind of relationship. First of all, it would be disrespect toward my fiancee' (who is now my wife of eight months). Second, my wife is the world to me and I'd never do anything to hurt her. She is what matters. Your wife should be what matters to you, too.

Answer 10

Be sure to never put yourself into a situation that may lead to a more intimate friendship. Don't go out for drinks, don't do things alone with her. Work is one thing, but don't start looking for things you have in common.
You say you have chemistry and feel a strong sexual attraction. That can happen to the best of us but it's how you handle it.
I think you can be good friends but make sure you're not trying to justify a relationship with her.

Answer 11

How can you say you are happily married / never cheat on my wife and then say that you have great "chemistry" and feel a strong sexual attraction for your co-worker (and worse that she feels the same way)...The only person you should be having that kinda of chemistry with is your wife! Now I know it is okay to look...JUST LOOK...but you are playing with fire now that there are emotions involved. I think the best way to handle this situation is to NOT be good friends (as you state) but ONLY be co-workers with her...you mention you can't afford to quit your job but how about losing your wife?!? Before your feelings get worse and you both end up acting on them, I strongly suggest you don't eat lunch / dinner with her, or go out for drinks, or talk to her about personal things but only work related issues...you have to do it for your family because what you stated, the next step for you two is acting out on those impulses...I hope you make the right decision for your wife...

BTW...it's okay to be friends with an attractive person but you stepped over the line when you said that you both have great "chemistry" and feel a strong sexual attraction for her and I know she feels the same way...can you tell the difference???
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"No offense, I think the guys would understand better." <---Don't fool yourself...any guy that is in a good marriage (or even relationship) will tell you to stay away from ANYONE you have great "chemistry" and feel a strong sexual attraction to...I mean you are having a strong sexual attraction to someone who is not your wife and you think that is okay? Yes you may be a good guy and not act on them but it's gonna drive you crazy inside...you are better off staying away from her regarding personal issues...
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Dude..."She isn't real happy in her marriage"...ummm hell yeah that should scare you...OKAY YOU SAID ENOUGH....NOW YOU HAVE TO STAY AWAY FROM HER UNLESS YOU WANT TO LOSE YOUR WIFE OKAY?!?
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I read your other questions and you seem to be the little comedian...I really hope this is a joke, of course a waste of our time, but I really feel sorry for your wife if this is true...