What to tell bullied son when he gets detention for sticking up for himself?

Question

He's been bullied since Kindergarten....off and on....he's book smart, small for his age and "nice"....thus the perfect target for bullies. He's in the sixth grade now. Some of these kids are the size of men! This kid in his art class punched him in the side of the head. My son, familiar with the further bullying if he let's it go, retaliated by kicking the kid. I do not condone violence, nor do I tell him that it's okay to do this at school. However, we both know that it'll get worse if he "tells" or ignores it.
I told him to take his lumps at detention......but be sure that if he retaliates....to make it count so the kid will leave him alone.

What are your thoughts?

Today they had a substitute teacher & she seemed pretty clueless. It was a hall monitor that reported it.

Answer 1

Well your question is very interesting to me, because I am in the same situation right now. My son is in 7th grade and has same type of personality as yours. Except he is tall, taller than most of the kids doing the bulling..yes get involved, notify the school..etc..my guess is that you have already done most of all that. ..as I have..but I am to the point that I told my son to get aggressive back..start hitting and kicking back and if he gets in trouble..then I will be right there in the school next to him. I gave him permission to fight and hit and kick back..and things are slowly turning around. I also told him to get LOUD..like say.."CUT IT OUT.." to draw attention to the situation. My son didnt want to draw attention to the bulling..because they were his so called "friends" and didnt want to nark or get in trouble at all himself..getting a detention is like the end of the world to him. I just told him..if its to stick up for yourself..to get these kids to back off..then go for it..they have already many times threw the first punch..start fighting back and ill support you..I feel for your situation..its hard knowing your child is getting hurt by others. But I think you are doing the right thing..if he does fight back, make it count. Good luck!

Answer 2

I am in high school and we were talking about this topic. Please whatever anyone tells you do not ignore this and dont say stand up for yourself because if it doesnt work then your son might get a little angry. but since hes so young he might not understand yet . also this is a good time to talk to the parents and teachers together about this. Dont let your son get pushed around is really what im also saying. Make sure he ignores the bullying and if hes being bullied when hes older. A lot of kids are withdrawing from asking teachers for help afraid they might get hurt. so make sure he knows he can talk to you even though your his mom and not a male figure because sometimes its easier to talk to people if they are the same gender, right? This is my strong opinion but make sure that you trust your instincts but still try not to get involved TOO much. If youve heard about the kids being bullied at school in the news for being gay or just being them, then u know you need to keep him safe but not to smother him with it :) i know if i had a child i would'nt just let this go,

Answer 3

what you need to do is to go to the school and talk to the principal. he should have not gotten detention. if it was my kid, i would have told the school that there was no way that he was going to serve it and i would tell them that the next time he is bullied and nothing is done about it that i would be seeking legal advice because no kid should have to go through things like that. kids lives are tough enough these days without having to put up with things that they do not have to do. tell your son just to try to stay away from the person and that he should not let those people get to him. you need to get to the bottom of this situation. hope this helps. good luck.

Answer 4

Let your son know that he could have selected a different option in this situation. Remind him that he should be the mature one in this situation, rather than kicking this kid back.
Inform him that unless there are no other options, he should tell a teacher, verbally defend himself, walk away, etc. If nobody is around, etc. then your son has every right to defend himself.

This substitute was probably not aware of the bullying that happens, and figured your son and this boy were arguing and handling their problems physically. If your son is rarely sent to detention, then it's probably just a misunderstanding on the subsitute's part.

Answer 5

Maybe you should stat acting more like a parent and an adult for that matter.

Your child is being bullied and people are putting there hands on him and by law even if the kids putting there hands on him are underage it is assault and you can press charges.

What you need to do is go to the principle and make a list of the kids who have been putting there hands on him and demand the principle contact there parents and tell them what there kids are doing.

If you do not do this then it will just keep getting worse, they could end up breaking something or making him bleed...I am 20 years old and I remember HS and MS very well, I saw kids get in fights where there body parts were broken and blood was drawn.

I believe the parents of the kids assaulting your son and bullying him would want to know that there kids are doing this. I have a 2 year old and once he gets older and starts school I would like to know immediately if he puts his hands on someone or is bullying someone because it is wrong and not doing anything about it is telling him what he is doing is okay and it will just worsen and how am I suppose to know that he is doing it if the parent of the child or children he is assaulting or bullying does not go to the principle and tell report him and demand to speak to me about it?

By telling your child not to tell a teacher or the principle what is going on and telling him to ignore it because if goes to someone or you go to someone it will get worse is something his 6th grade friends would tell him not an adult or parent.

Stop trying to be his friend and start being his parent, go to the principle first thing in the morning and tell him what is happening and that you wish to speak to the child or children bullying your son parents.

I got to say thegangst sounds like a racist and he is a perfect example why you should not tell your kid to defend himself or take karate lessons. Your kid will start learning karate and start defending himself then the bullies will start being afraid of him but think hes cool so you know whats going to happen? He is going to become a bully and start hanging with those who use to bully him.

Answer 6

If the local police/sheriff/State's Attorney refuse to do ANYTHING about it and then turn around and blame YOU AND THE KID, then you have no other choice but:

A) Go to the State Attorney General's Office near you and try to tell your side of the incident...

or...

B) Move out of the city/county NOW!!!...

Sorry to break this to you, but you have very limited options...

Good luck...

Answer 7

(((HUGS))))) to your son. Same thing happened to my g-son's. I, tell them if anybody ever Lay's a hand on them to fight and fight till you can't fight no more.

You, really need to talk to the parents of this creepy child. They may not be aware of his or her behavior. Go to the principle office and inform them of this kid's behavior. You need to stop this before it gets out of hand.

Transfer him out of this class, this teacher couldn't see this going on in her class? Any way's have a happy day!

Answer 8

Don't get to involved because your son will get it worse.But yes teach him that he is fine the way he is they are just insecure and jealous he needs to feel confident in who he is and know how to defend himself and know that if he needs to be violent to show theses little f***ers that he isn't going to take this then that's that.Don't condone hitting but if it is self-defence that's that.He shouldn't be getting detentions they should be counselling these kids on the severity of their actions.

Answer 9

i told all of my kids I DO NOT WANT YOU FIGHTING but.......you do what ever you need to do to protect your self and others you do not have to be bullied pushed around or have your personal space invaded by anyone and if you get in trouble at school for doing what you feel is right i will back you up all the way


my daughter has been kicked out of school for fighting twice 1. for making a 6th grader stop hitting her younger brothers and other kindergartners and first graders she was in the 4th grade
2 she was in 9th grade and a boy walked up and grabbed her crotch and she kicked him so hard in the balls he needed surgery (my dad took her out to dinner for this )

my boys have never been kicked out for fighting they have always just stood face to face with the bully and told them they would fight if they had to

Answer 10

you may need to take ur child to learn self-defense. the only people that get bullied are the people that bullies think can be pushed around with no consequences. you should talk to the principal and let him/her know that your child was only defending himself and that you refuse to let him get punished for his own right. maybe the school will change & crack down on bullying. if they don't at least your child will be able to defend himself....