When I had my first child my in laws ( who made it clear they thought my husband and I shouldn't have children as he had debts from his previous marriage) weren't very happy. Then when the baby was born, and they saw pictures they were thrilled and tried to be involved in her life as much as possible from a distance (they live in PA, we live in TX). My husband borrowed money from my in laws to pay off something that came back from the past with his ex wife...also we had previously had slight marital problems to which they told him to take our daughter and leave me, we worked things out but the in laws still dislike me. I know they think we're not ready financially or maritally for a new baby. Now I'm pregnant again, and he is afraid to tell them because of what they might say. I want my kids to have a happy childhood complete with their grandparents included. should we tell them , or just leave them out of it?
2007-03-05 09:26:55 · 6 answers · asked by Jennah C 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
You and your husband are both grown adults and like all grown adults you are always going to have grown-up problems. I think your in-laws need to stop worrying about your problems unless you ask for them to get involved. They should be thrilled about their new grandchild and that is all they need to worry about... not how you and your husband are going to pay YOUR bills.. not theirs. I'm not sure how comfortable the relationship is between them and your husband but I think this is a point that he should make very clear to them since they don't seem to realize it on their own.
2007-03-05 09:37:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if you want them in your children's lives, you'll have to tell them....
I know how you feel...we had so much debt too and then we miscarried our second at 5 months into the pregnancy and we weren't planning on having another for a long, long, long time...but nature took its course and happily we got another little angel. I wanted to tell the whole world, and did tell everyone I knew of our new pregnancy, while my in-laws were being so negative, like yours, talking about our debts and we shouldn't have more children, and we shouldn't try to have anymore anyway because of the miscarriage...etc
So now I only resent the way my husband told his mom we were having another on the way......we were having a rough time because his twin brother who lives with us went to jail and my husband decided to tell her right after the jail story of his brother about my new pregnancy!!!!!!! Hello, of course she wasn't happy then and didn't give a care about hearing it because she was only worried about her son that is in jail. I was so, so angry with my husband....and he couldn't figure out why, I had to tell him why. He figured that I would be happy because he finally told them,(because at this point I was in my 5th month but still not showing at all, I had a flat belly all the way until the end of the pregnancy, which is common for me). So I'd been nagging him every since I knew I was pregnant at 4weeks to tell his family about the pregnancy and he just wouldn't until that stupid moment he decided was the right time to tell.
2007-03-05 17:42:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell them for your children's sake. It's so important for kids to have an extended family and people besides their parents who love them. You may be scared, but don't let their opinion hurt you or get in the way of a relationship with your children. At first they may be surprised or upset, being unreasonable, but after the baby is born I'm sure that they will warm up.
2007-03-05 17:39:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would leave the decision solely up to your husband. It seems that he needs to make some decisions for himself...and this should be one of them. Who ever said you have to like or even love your inlaws? I can't stand mine, and I feel no obligation what so ever to tell them anything...I leave that up to my husband. Our Lutheran pastor (we're not terribly religious) told us one important thing...when you get married, it is just the two of you...you leave your parents behind. If they are causing problems for you...you don't owe them anything. I really hope that they won't cause problems with your children when the kids get older...I would learn to put them at arms length right now. I know it sounds heartless, but
I have been in your place, and believe me, it sounds like the two of you have to be one...not the four of you.
Good luck!
2007-03-05 17:32:19 · answer #4 · answered by claireandmouse 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well they're going to find out sooner or later so you should tell them before they found out another way.
2007-03-05 17:31:10 · answer #5 · answered by I smile because of them ♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them, it sounds like they're able to separate their feelings about the two of you from their grandchild(ren).
2007-03-05 17:30:17 · answer #6 · answered by Heather Y 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋