exactly a year ago, my FIANCEE went back to her home and met a guy and she swore nothing went on between them. but when she came back everything turned sour. i was forced to tell her to leave and tried everything to rectify our problems, but nothing from her side,she decided to begin relationship with the other guy and this hurt me (she even passed him the phone one night when i was pleading her!) . i moved on and took our son to my parents. 3 months ago, she began contacting my friends and asking them to help her get back with me. she realized the other guy was a player (even though everyone told her) and now she wants to come back, begging me, crying (the whole 9 yards). i decided to be in contact with her (for the sake of old times and also her father passed away last 3 weeks, and also because we have a 4 year old son together). she swears that she has realized her mistakes and will never hurt me again, all she is asking is to see me once again..
what should i do?
2007-03-05 09:24:42 · 22 answers · asked by ali k 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
At this point, you've got to do what's best for you and your child. She was unreliable then, and that wasn't too long ago.
If you want to see if she's really changed, maybe you can go out a few times to test the waters, but don't let her move back in.
By the way, good for you for being a real dad and taking care of your child!
2007-03-05 09:30:08 · answer #1 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I wouldn't give her another chance. She consciously walked away from her fiance as well as her son, and if she didn't understand the potential impact of her decision, she never will.
At the most, I would permit contact for your son's sake, but I would also keep her at an arms length for the same reason. If she seeks legal counsel, I suggest you do the same. Apply for full custody of the child, allow her visitation rights, and make her pay child support.
She really has no right to ask to be let back into your life, and you have no obligation to let her. I'm normally not this harsh, but I don't think I would ever forgive her.
Think about this, and I agree with the above posters. If she hadn't realized the other guy was a player, she would still be with him and would not have come back asking to be in your life. She's only thinking of herself and how badly she was hurt, not about how badly she hurt you.
She may well realize her mistake and may well never hurt you again. But I'm sure she's said other stuff that turned out to be false. She hurt you and your son deliberately by abandoning you, and now she's concerned about what's best for her right now. It's time for you to be similarly concerned about what's best for you and your son.
See her once again, and show her a few photos of your son so she can see even more clearly everything she had missed in the last year. Then walk away. It could be the best decision of your life.
2007-03-05 09:56:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
For the sake of your son, and since it seems you still love her, maybe you can give her a second chance. You know, we all make mistakes. Nobody is perfect.
But, you need to have a serious talk with her, and put things straight. The single fact that she even thinks about cheating again, you should kick her out and be over with it. She should have learned (and probably the hard way) a good lesson after this, so doing a second mistake would be very stupid.
On the other hand, if you decide to take her back, you must promise her you will not bring up that episode every time there is something wrong. If you forgive her, then is over, and don’t talk about it unless she asks you something about it.
But is up to you to decide, and you should know better than nobody else if she is really sorry, and wants you to forgive her or not. If you think so, then go ahead, because it means she has suffered now as much or more than you and is willing to change.
If not, meaning you really think she is not really sorry and that she more likely will do it again, then don’t let her get back.
Just don’t forget, if you get back together, the relation is not going to be the same, and you two will have to gain trust again. It is not going to be easy for you to have sex with her and think she probably did the same with the other guy. So you have to clear up your mind as well, and give the relation a second chance, not just her.
Is not easy, but if you two are willing to do sacrifices, not only for each other and the relation, but for your kid, then it is possible to do it, and you two will be happy later on that you did.
Good luck.
PS: I went through something similar, not as bad, but we made it, and we are very happy together. Communication is the key!
2007-03-05 09:38:56 · answer #3 · answered by Dan D 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The other guy was a player?? That's what he'd be called? OK, then what would you call a woman that passes the phone to her new guy, while you are pleading with her? That's just nasty. I could more easily forgive a murder attempt, than passing the phone to let the new stud get a laugh. Also, it just didn't work out with the new guy. She didn't realize that she loved you, even though the new guy was simply great, he just wasn't you. No, he turned out to be a jerk, so she's decided to go back to you. Do you really want to be the guy she settles for? And, how long before the next Mr. Wonderful comes along?
2007-03-05 10:45:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No. She is using you as a security blanket to fall back on because the other guy is a jerk. Do no not take her back, she will only hurt you again. It would not be good for your son to watch a swinging door relationship, he needs to grow up in a stable environment. You will find someone who will love you, just give it time. Please don't stay with her 'for the sake of the child' as children would rather be from a broken home than live in one.
2007-03-05 10:06:25 · answer #5 · answered by QT 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think you should give her a second chance. As for you, you seems like still have a feeling about her. So, beside she is the mother of your child. The kid deserve to have both parents. I am not try to said what she had done to you is not wrong, but she admitted to you herself what she had done to you was terrible mistake. At least she realized she couldn't afford to loose you, that's why she did lower her selfish steem to ask(begged) you for another chance. Find in your heart to forgive her, so you and your family can be together once again. I hope she has learn her lesson the next time she want to throw what she got all away.
2007-03-05 09:42:10 · answer #6 · answered by Lilian 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Sounds to me like she had problems with the new guy. I mean she might be using you as a back up plan, or maybe she really does miss you and want you back. Do you love her? There is no harm in forgiving her. You could probably give her another chance, tell her she would have to prove herself to you. Do not let your guard down.
2007-03-05 09:58:02 · answer #7 · answered by ANGIE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All is fair in love and war!
You lost trust in her when she did nothing wrong. She hurt you back. This is on both of your shoulders. If you truly love each other it can work. Find a good therapist and work out the issues together. Children need stable loving parents so both of you should smarten up.
2007-03-05 09:53:21 · answer #8 · answered by Paradox 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will need the help of another person...counseling....really...I have a friend and her sister, cheated on her husband..he even caught her in the act..they are Christians too....really sad.
Well, It worked for them...{that was 5 years ago}she wanted him back and he was a MAN about it..wow..blew my mind..I wish I
had a man that would love me like that..it really must be nice...I have always attracted the Animals....so I quit dating over 3 years ago.
Anyway...sorry got side-tracted..they have been happly married every since.
Try and work it out. Then if it does not work...you will have it down on record that you tried.
2007-03-05 10:11:05 · answer #9 · answered by Bobbie4u 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should spit in her face. Do you think if this guy didn't ditch her that she'd be at your door crying?? No, she wouldn't. She's only doing this because she's using you as a back up. Don't let her use you.
I feel sorry for your son, take care of him. Do whats best for him. She obviously doesn't care about him or she wouldn't have left him. Ditch the B*tch. Good Luck.
2007-03-05 09:48:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋