He doesn't understand why i am filing for child support?

Question

So i tell my ex that i am filing for child support and he says that i am "taking him to the cleaners". He doesn't understand why i can't just verbally set an amount with him instead of having it be deducted from his paycheck. So basically he thinks i am being mean and cruel by filing instead of just taking his word for it. I tried to explain to him that it counts for a lot of reasons (taxes, welfare, etc), but he just doesn't get it. Can someone help me on how to explain it to him that i am not being mean, but this is just what people do when they split up and they have kids? Isn't it law that i file?

Answer 1

All child support is done through wage assignments now. It protects the person paying from being accused of not paying and it makes sure the children get the support they deserve. Tell him it is the way the court's do it and that it is for his protection as well as yours.

Answer 2

The fact that he says 'you are taking him to the cleaners' proves to me your child will never see a dime unless you have a third party decide how much and when he has to pay . Children need to eat every day and require a million things during the 18 years we have them to tend to . He will throw you a crumb now and then or show up with a pack of diapers once a month .
Stop explaining anything to him as it is hopeless and you will only get more frustrated. He is putting this guilt trip on you hoping you soften and let him off the hook. What a cad .
Remember you owe it to the child to see to it he/she has what he needs . Also see to it the kid has insurance paid for in case he gets sick . And who is going to pay you for the job 24/7 to raise him . You are asking for very little .
Good Luck and hang tough , don't get swayed .

Answer 3

Contrary to what some seem to think child support doesn't HAVE to be done through wage deduction. My husband has been paying my daughter's child support via personal check from his bank account for the past 7 years. Yes it is documented in the divorce papers that he pays a set amount each month but it doesn't HAVE to come out of his paycheck. Child support is calculated by the courts, dependant upon cost of living where the child resides, mother's income, and father's income and since most states no longer award alimony they do expect the mother, if she is physically/mentally able to do so to work as well.

Answer 4

No it's not the law that you file, but you are doing the right thing. You don't need to explain to him why you are doing anything. Just let the people at the child support office handle it all. So what if he thinks your mean, he's just mad because he has to grow up now that's all. Good luck.

Answer 5

I agree, you can tell him that it's for his protection as well as yours. You might explain that it's in his interest to have the amount filed in court papers. If there are simply cash transactions, either party (you or your ex husband) can plausibly claim whatever is to your advantage; he can claim that he gave you money, and you can claim that he did not. The paycheck deductions allow for a trail to be left so that there are financial records available to arbitrate any disputes.

Ask him if he really wants to argue more than he already has. Tell him that you are under no obligation to "take his word for it"; you are divorced, so you don't have to trust him.

Answer 6

Well he is either REALLY REALLY dumb or his intention is to become a "deadbeat" dad either way he needs to get a CAT scan to make sure he even has a brain. Now in all seriousness the best thing I could suggest is to make him watch a few episodes of 20/20 or 60 Minutes they have both done and continue to occasionally do segments on "deadbeat" dads and that by doing this you are protecting yourself. The bottom line is take a stand does it really matter to you if he thinks you are mean?? I am sure nobody that matters does, it is just something that is done now.

Answer 7

Well if you get any kind of public assistance they will insist on a court ordered child support. You have to get it to protect yourself, otherwise you may never see a dime from him. If he thinks you are being mean and cruel then let him think that. He probably hopes he can make you feel bad so he won't have to pay.

Answer 8

Your concern should not be about what he thinks about you filing for child support, as much as your childs financial welfare should be. By you agreeing to let him pay you on his own terms will not guarantee you will get the money you need to help raise your child. My advice to you would be to go ahead and file child support from him and stop listening to his complaints. He knows you are too caring and so he takes advantage of your by making you feel guilty. As I have said, your first priority should be your child, not him. Best of luck to you!

Answer 9

They all seem to think this way........they think they are handing over the money for the mums to spends on themseleves.............................it just goes to show how much attention they actually paid, when they lived under the same roof, as to how much children actually cost!

Just file for the CS money and the CSA explain it to him.

In australia yes its law that you file, not sure about other countries though, but i assume they'd be the same.

Answer 10

It is always best to go through the friend of the court....there are some things that can be agreed on in general....but they need to be put into writing and signed and submitted to the foc....Let him know it isn't about you or him....IT IS WHAT EVER IS IN THE CHILDREN'S BEST INTEREST. You need to have a Judgment from the court that way you have something that they can enforce..... Try to be fair about things like Visitation....kids need to see their fathers too....He probably isn't going to listen to your feelings on the matter anyway....but try to remember and remind him "ITZ ALL ABOUT THE CHILDREN". Theirs are the needs that need to be seen to and met... Hope that helps....