I recently married tha love f my life, but before we married I cheated and caught an std, I got treated for it and a week later we had sex. I was sure he wouldnt get it because I had already got treated for it, today I went to the clinic and my doc. told me she found it still in my system, it takes more time to cure. She didnt tell me this when she treated me, so now my husband may have an std. I love him with all my soul, i cant lose him but I dont want to sound stupid if I lie and say I got it from a previous relationship but didint know I had it cause my husband been tested before while we were having sex and it came back neg. but it was really sick so I could kind of get away with it but he's not dumb. What should I do? quick he's almost home and he wants to hear what my doc. had to say!!!
2007-03-05 09:05:19 · 34 answers · asked by sweet 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Doesn't he deserve the truth?
Not telling him is selfish. Selfish is not loving.
Tell him and let him decide if he wants to remain in the relationship or leave.
That's the only right thing to do here.
It's going to be worse if he begins to question where he got the STD, especially if you are the only one he is sleeping with.
This is not news that gets better with age, tell him, now.
2007-03-05 09:09:56 · answer #1 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 9⤊ 0⤋
I really think the best thing to do, would be to tell your husband everything.. about you cheating, as well as about the std. He deserves to know, in regards to both issues.
Personally, I would think that sleeping with someone a week after being treated for something like that, would be wayyyy too soon. I mean, sure.. you were "treated" but that didn't mean it was gone that second. However, your doctor should have advised you on how long to wait before being intimate, to protect your partner from catching it.
You really should have told your husband the truth, the day you found out you had something that he could get. I can sorta understand how you could be afraid of losing him, but at the same time.. if you truly loved the man, you would not jeopardize his health, just to keep from losing him.
Also, if he is "the love of your life" how on earth could you ever even think of being with someone else?? I don't understand that.. I really don't. I just don't see how anyone can claim to love someone so much, then go out and sleep around. It just doesn't make sense.
The best thing is to just be truthful with your husband about everything. Hopefully, you two can make things work..
I really don't know how I would react if I were to find out something like that from my own husband. I would like to think that I would be forgiving, and that I would work on my marriage. But to me, not being told about something as serious as a std.. that would be a whole lot harder to get over than just the cheating part. But like I said, I've never been in the situation you and your husband are in.
I'm sure it will take a lot of work.. and a whole lot of talking between the two of you, but hopefully you can make things work. Just be honest, and understand that your husbad has every right to be hurt and upset about the situation. Don't get defensive about it, just listen to whatever he has to say about it.. and focus on working on your marriage.
Best of luck!
2007-03-05 09:19:56 · answer #2 · answered by arkiegirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im going to say that u totally have to be honest with your man. You cant just let him run around with an STD and you will just keep getting it yourself! Let him know it was way before u got married and didnt even know u had this disease until now and u just want him to get checked and treating in case u passed it to him! Dont give him full blown details of when and who it happenned. But he does need to know and get treated. As long as u have been loyal since u have been married his love for u may just let him forgive u. Good luck to u
2007-03-05 09:41:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
THIS gives me a HORRIFIC Flash-Back to my 1st Marriage when I married "the love of my life",.....and supposedly I was the same for her.
However; after a wonderful wedding and 4 days of a Honeymoon and as I was literally carrying my/our wedding gifts from my car,.....I learned that SHE cheated on me a week before our wedding. AFTER;.........she had already said "Yes" and we had been engaged for several months.
She didn't have a STD, but, she broke my heart and I threw my $2500.00 wedding ring as far as I could throw it immediately when I heard her tell me that she had cheated.
My guess is that YOU had already committed to your Husband and that you may too have also said "YES".
Yes,.......he deserves the truth, and whether he gets hurt (which will probably devastate him),..........it's better that he know than to know he married a unfaithful, dishonest, and dirty low-down cheater and ESPECIALLY since you may have transmitted a STD.
You don't deserve this man if he was supposedly the Love of your Life! If he was, you knew that when you cheated, which proves even with this idea of him, you are a cheater and don't and wouldn't deserve someone like him. Marriage is not for you it sounds like, and ......you ought to just stay single so you can have all the sex you want without hurting others. Even, then, getting an STD is reckless.
2007-03-05 09:18:30 · answer #4 · answered by The Sylvan Wizard 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
decrease her out of your existence. recover from her with time (i be attentive to that 3 years are an prolonged time and it gained´t be hassle-free) and flow on. You´ll discover somebody who´s nicely worth it. Don´t communicate along with her husband. which will basically make you appear to be a fool. He wouldn´t say, "ok mate, so which you have got her, I´ll divorce her." it is going to basically get you into situation. Be extra suitable than that. confident, what she does is erroneous. And confident, what you do isn't very perfect the two, as you knew from the start that she replaced into married. I comprehend what you're saying and which you believed she might break up and be with you. besides the undeniable fact that it is going to by no potential take place. 3 years is in simple terms too long. this is been determining positive so far, having him and additionally you. So why substitute something? and he or she´s liing. regardless of is conserving her from leaving him (worry, babies, "duty", laziness) ... you're able to desire to flow on. settle for it and stay "her love affair" or flow on.
2016-10-17 08:30:10 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry to hear that. i think by the time you read this, you have already decided what to do. there is a price you pay for everything and it's coming to collect now. i understand you don't want to tell him the truth in case he will leave you and if you can come up with a real good lie, do it. but if it's not a good one and it sounds fishy, don't treat him that way anymore. you should have been protected.
2007-03-05 09:58:37 · answer #6 · answered by xyz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you made a really big mistake, now don't make another, what if he is cheating on you? then your responsible for passing it on to other people as well, and he will find out, and you did it before you were married? so you need to be an adult and sit down and tell him the truth. he needs to get tested now too, and he is not going to unless he has a reason, time to swallow your medicine like a big girl and tell him the truth.
2007-03-05 09:12:22 · answer #7 · answered by Sir Hard & Thick 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell him the truth for 2 reasons.One: he deserves to hear the truth from the one he loves. And 2 because it will always weigh on your mind your whole life then it will come out years later because you will feel guilty and he will feel betrayed. Just tell him.
2007-03-05 09:31:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have no choice in this...you must tell him.
You endanger his health by not doing so...you don't ID the STD but some can be fatal without treatment.
Not to mention the fact you may have already infected him...so you get better and then recontact it from your hubby (Who you gave it to in the first place).
If you love him, you will tell him. Its his health at risk.
2007-03-05 09:16:41 · answer #9 · answered by jw 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You must tell him your still infected and no I dont see you getting out of it because he was previously tested and fine. He may ask the doctor questions when he goes for treatment and find out you cheated. I'm sure your sorry now but DAMN if your going to cheat WHY? WHY? not use protection? Your lucky you only caught something that COULD be treated..you could have been responsible for your husbands early death due to something that can not be treated. I say fess up and take your medicine...I also say your lucky if all he does is leave you...he could beat the hell out of you for almost possibly killing him. Tsk tsk tsk
2007-03-05 09:11:18 · answer #10 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋