Okay, sounds weird, I know. I just wish he would have a backbone. I wish he would take charge in some areas. I feel like I'm in charge of everything, and it is too much. I think he feels he can't....
We've tried talking. I've tried to speak with him gently about specific instances where I hoped he would help. I'm afraid that he just feels like I'm telling him he's doing something wrong, no matter how gently I say it. And then he doesn't do it.
I'm nice about it, and we get along well. I don't nag or anything like that, but he seems to be sensitive in this area. What can I do or say without offending him?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
2007-03-05 08:44:05 · 10 answers · asked by ♦♦pixiechix♦♦ 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are sweet.
This is something that should of been delt with before you got married.
Sounds like counseling would be good. He can learn that he is of value and his opinions have value.
It sounds like you have a good loving marriage. And a good marriage includes personal growth. Your husband can learn.
In a good marriage each person continues to grow as a person.
Tell him you value his thoughts and opinions and that you will start taking turns making decisions. But in small steps.
For instance.....when you go to a movie. tell him it is his turn to choose the movie and choose where to park. He can learn by small steps.
I have a feeling that becuase you are good at making decisions he doesn't have to. I am not saying this is wrong.
You two have the oppertunity to have a marriage that works on balance.
2007-03-05 09:04:29 · answer #1 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think a good thing to do, Since you have already tried to communicate your idea gently, is to pretend being unable of doing what he is used that you taking in charge. See what I mean pretend that your female nature no longer takes all the responsibilities you have, and don't ask him for help let it come from him once he is convinced that he has to do something. Good luck wish you all the best.
2007-03-05 08:53:02 · answer #2 · answered by kitycat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make him lift weights...this might sound ridiculous, but it will boost his testosterone levels and make him more aggressive. Is he timid or indecisive? At some point, on some level, there's going to have to be some acceptance on your part. Are you newlyweds? When my wife and I first got married, I had some timidness problems...it didn't help that my dad had just died, I cried a lot, and I didn't want to piss her off. I would just back down from anything. Slowly, I got through the grieving, and also realized that always backing down wasn't good for our relationship. It takes time, and more than just your words, to change a pattern of behavior. Like you, my wife encouraged me to "have a backbone." Of course, when I did, she would flip out sometimes...I guess the moral is you can't just encourage him to disagree, also have to allow him to disagree.
2007-03-05 08:55:29 · answer #3 · answered by Killer B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some women really want a guy who makes decisions. But there are certain men (zodiac signs?) who won't step to the plate if the justice isn't clear-cut. I'm one of those guys.
I have learned to be more alpha, but still I am more comfortable not having to drive the situation every minute. Hope this helps.
2007-03-05 08:54:41 · answer #4 · answered by Your Uncle Dodge! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sound to me that you are nagging him. Trying to talk about it or telling him thats there some thing wrong. You love the guy then and there is no change in him why want a change now?
2007-03-05 08:55:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds more like you want him to help you out than you want him to take charge.. what kind of things are we talking about here?
2007-03-05 09:15:11 · answer #6 · answered by growing inside 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to be a little more specific. Are you talking about managing the bills? Are you talking about planning vacations? Are you talking about sex?
2007-03-05 08:52:45 · answer #7 · answered by Martin Pedersen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stop with the 'you were so nice' routine, what is he 2? try bootcamp style--tell him you need a man in the house--and its time for him to step up to bat, this is why every man should have military service.
2007-03-05 09:06:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
send him to me for a week. but you might not like him when you get him back. he might have to much of a backbone
2007-03-05 08:49:26 · answer #9 · answered by Kerry U 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get ropes a gag and a blindfold and tell him to use it! Then ask him to do it again soon!
2007-03-05 08:50:07 · answer #10 · answered by dano 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋