I am extremely shy & the fact that I never seem to work up the nerve to look people in the face is become ever more evident to me. Even if i hookup with someone, i noticed that i can't look the guy in the face (you are probably asking, if you are so shy how are you hooking up?...well im in college and alcohol is usually involved)
I also notice that it is WORSE after I get close to them, in the hookup scenario. I may be able to flirt a little, but then when it becomes clear about what may happen and after it does happen, then i can't look at their faces.
In general, if i don't know a person well i find it hard to look at their face. I work at a food service place and sometimes it is hard for me to look at the customer when i am handing them their change for instance.
I guess i am just afraid of what i might see if i have to look at them. I am afraid the facial expression will be negative.
Does anybody know what i am talking about? have experience? what about the hookup thing? help?
2007-03-05 08:37:11 · 5 answers · asked by erockairheaven 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Hmmmm, could be a lot of things, but I think you had an issue in the past that was traumatic. It could be that at an unconscious level you think everyone knows this thing about you and you are ashamed to look them in the face. I base this on your stating that you are afraid to see something negative in a stranger's face, and it's even worse in someone that is getting to know you. Whatever the source, I think you should see a therapist and talk this out and find its root and do some soul gardening (pull it out by the root!!).
Another option is a therapy called Rational Emotive Therapy. With it, you simply (riiiiight simply) replace an irrational thought (They're going to reject me.) with a rational one (They're not going to reject me. They just want their change.).
More importantly than the check out line scenario is the hook up scenario. Hook ups and alcohol are bad combos for the feelings that you are experiencing. It's almost like you are trying to put out a fire with gasoline. You're experiencing low feelings about yourself and you add to it by possibly becoming intimate with strangers. That's not meant to slam you, it's meant to make you consider what you are doing to yourself. I would suggest learning to love, yes LOVE, yourself and then you will be able to look others in the eye. Everyone has screwed up, nobody's perfect. Give yourself a break and get to a place where you like youself. I bet you're an awesome person.
2007-03-05 08:56:33 · answer #1 · answered by Dino 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm also really shy, used to be as bad as you where I couldn't look people in the eye, found it very hard to talk to people especially strangers and on the phone. Even after I left school I wouldn't go out without one of my parents for a few years. However being at college and from what I would say as bad experiances (and perhaps learning experiences) I have improved and although still find it quite hard, am much better now. I still very much find it hard to phone people I even know apart from some of my close family. Most of the time I find it hard to talk to people first, they have to start a conversation and with some people I want to end it quickly.
I also get anxiety. I went to a help group and have improved I think also with my confidence.
Most of the time when I'm not doing anything important I spend most of my time at home on my computer. I find it very hard to socialize and keep trying to get out of doing so if people I know like those at work have arranged something. Also when going out shopping, I prefer to go out on my own, or with my mum or aunt.
Maybe you should see if there's any help groups like a self assertiveness one where there'll be atleast someone who will be able to share your experiences.
Hope that helped and made sense.
2007-03-05 17:01:41 · answer #2 · answered by Debbie07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start small by looking at close friends or family and look them in the eye every time you talk to them. Do not back down and look away. People who look away are noticed more than when you look them in the face. They wonder what is wrong they won't look at you. If your afraid of rejection that is nonsense. Just smile and you will be surprised how many people will smile back at you and how many friends you will start making. As far as guys you will have a much better relationship with them if you look into their face when having a friendship with them as well. When you don't look people in the face they feel you have something to hide or you are not being truthful with them. So get with it and start practicing it really isn't that hard to do.
Good Luck.
2007-03-05 16:46:20 · answer #3 · answered by devilgal031948 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Socialization is a skill and just like learning the piano, it takes practice. Some people are born better at it than others, but any weakness can be turned into a strength if you don't give up at it.
Exercise and improving your physique will not only build up your confidence, it is a great stress & anxiety burner. It beats prozac hands down in all aspects.
2007-03-05 16:56:00 · answer #4 · answered by Ellis26 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I would have to take you out on a date to see for myself, what you are talking about.
2007-03-05 16:47:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋