What to think about before marriage?

Question

My boyfriend and I had a long conversation about the big "M". We are both in love, committed and devoted to each other, and feel as if we want to spend our lives together. He's planning on asking my mom's permission this summer. (Which is around the corner). I just don't want to be missing anything. Do any of you have any suggestions on what things I should consider before making this huge step in about a year or so?
Also...we are planning on attending some pre-marital counseling before it happens to get more perspectives.

Thanks for all of your help!

Answer 1

My second wife and I came up with this when we started talking about marriage and we shared 16 wonderful years before she died. I hope it works for you as well. Ask each other these questions and be honest about answering.

I love children and make them a priority in my life do you feel the same? When do you think we should have children?

I do not want to ever move away from family but will discuss this if it is absolutely necessary would you?

If I decide to go back to school would you support my decision if it meant that I couldn't work while doing so?

If I suddenly became disabled and/or disfigured could I depend on you to remain faithful and take care of me(even if it meant I could no longer be intimate with you)?

I believe in sharing all responsibilities in a marriage(housework, yardwork, cooking, shopping, child care, etc.) do you?

One person (either man or wife) should take care of managing the financial affairs with full input and disclosure of the assests and balances monthly do you agree? (This means that either the husband or wife handles withdrawing money for the other's use - it's not a matter of control. Remember you don't have everyone in a company writing checks on the company bank account)

I will never go to bed mad without saying "I Love You".(It's okay to be mad at each other once in awhile - just remember nobody's perfect)

I will not enter into a marriage with you unless all doubts, concerns, and disagreements with you on what we both expect are completely resolved do you agree?

** Finally **

I promise to discuss and compromise when we do have problems to make sure I am the complete husband/wife that makes your world complete. I Love You.
_________________________________________
If you both talk these things over throughly - and understand what pitfalls you may run into you may find you have already covered what counseling will. If you are honest in your answers to the above items you will find a lifetime of happiness. I know we did.

Answer 2

I'm glad to see you have already decided to attend pre-marital counseling!
My husband and I got married at 20, and have been together for 10 years now. The best way to answer this is to tell you the things I wish I knew before I got married. (don't get me wrong, DH and I are very happy)
How many children do you want? What religion do you want to raise them in. If you have a boy, do you want the boy circumsized?
How do you want to split the household chores? How much sex is enough? Who is going to be responsible for the money? What nasty habits do you have? How do you feel about your parents and my parents? Where are we going to live? If we both get a promotion that requires moving, who comes first?
As you can see there are so many things to decide on before marriage. But most of all, follow your heart.

Answer 3

Ask yourself: do I expect this man to change for me? If the answer is yes, do some more thinking. People do change, but you can't change another person. So if there is something about him that makes you crazy, don't expect that it will change just because you are married-it will just make you crazier! Pick your battles-when we first got married I disagreed with the way my husband did dishes. Then I realized that I should just be glad he was doing them and I didn't have to! Make sure you both are on the same page with important things-where will you live after marriage, will you have kids (how many, how far apart), is there an expectation that one of you will stay home, what are each of you willing to sacrifice or give up for the sake of the marriage.

Answer 4

Well if you really love him that this question doesn't even matter because no matter what you will marry him if you really love him. I know you want to be secure and sure about this because it's a big deal. Well do you really love him?? Can you imagine you two being together for the rest of your lives and sharing things with him?? Do you trust him? Does he trust you? Are your lives set (by this I mean do you both have careers)? Do you know his family? Those are some questions you can think about. Goodluck with everything, I hope you make the right decision!
=D

Answer 5

I don't know how old you are but I will tell you...make sure that you've lived life..your life, if your still young and you feel ready for marriage...then enjoy being a couple...try not to jump into having children right away...I love that I have mine...but we've put alot on hold for the children...and things start getting expensive..you learn to adjust..but are you finished school...if not think about finishing school...then get married..buy the house, travel... enjoy yourselves...then think of everything else...I live life one day at a time...but there is alot of things we would have done differently and with more of a plan..good luck...and congrats

Answer 6

One thing most people don't think about (I surely didn't) is whether those things you love about him now will be irritating on a 24/7 basis. The things that first attracted me to my husband nearly drove me craze after a few years of living together. In fact, they finally drove me out of his life. Other than that, do you agree on: children (number and discipline of), how you will earn and spend your money, how you will split housework, childcare, yard work, etc., where you want to live, whose family you will spend holidays with. Actually there are too many things to mention here. Just think about what you are doing and if you can live with the choices your mate will make. Too many people just say "I'm in love" and get married without considering personalities and practicalities. Think! Think! Think!

Answer 7

Congrats!

Sounds like you're doing things the right way, good for you for getting counselling and for talking everything over.

Just make sure you agree on the main things (careers, kids, faith, money, sex). But you should go over those in counselling anyway so good luck finding the dress ;)

Answer 8

What are your education goals?
What are your career goals?
What are your child goals?
How would each of your careers be affected by children?
What happens if your desire to have children changes?
How old do you want to be when you first get pregnant?
How old do you want to be when your last child leaves the nest?
Who is going to manage the bank account and write checks for bills every month?
How open are both of you about discussing personal issues, such as sexual fantasies?
Do you do menial tasks for each other without being asked?

Answer 9

The most important things to keep up a healthy marriage for life is...
Trust, compatibility, friendship, positive attitude, positive self-esteem, attraction, passion, patience, hard work, commitment, love, working through arguments, understanding each other, communication, talking,be serious yet fun, mutual respect, loyalty, space, compromise, sharing, support, family oriented, easy going, shared responsibility, caring, affection and boundaries.

Those are some things to keep in mind. =]

Answer 10

two quick books to skim over, I am not much a reader but there is one you and him read together. Q&A for thoughts, ideas, and a good foundation. me and my husband read it in about 3 nights of curiosity. its called THE HARD QUESTIONS its not long at all but you will find out alot about eachother quickly. the other one is call THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES i actually just took the two quizzes in the back, one for me and one for him and than read the sections about our answers, but now, he doesnt even know it but we are working better because i know exactly how to approach him and work on certain issues because i found out what love languages he lives.

its worth it. marriage is a life time. what is a few nights of communication. it really helped me out.
if you want I can send you the book THE HARD QUESTIONS so you dont have to buy one.