My boyfriend and I were right at the two and a half year mark when he broke up with me. This was about 2 weeks ago. Every other night he calls me and tells me how much he loves me and regrets it. Then the next day he tells me he hates me and doesn't want to talk to me ever again. His behavior is rude and not how you would treat someone you love. I'm not sure if he is confused or just playing games with me? Any thoughts? Is me calling him just what he wants? Should I ignore him or give him a taste of his own medicine?
Details:
-He broke up with me because he said he wants to get closer to god.
-He is 21 & I am 19
-He still lives at home with his parents.
-His parents hate me for wanting him to move out
-His mom is the only person he talks to about "relationship advice"
-She is slightly biased obviously
2007-03-05 07:48:47 · 12 answers · asked by danielle_renee119 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
He is still clinging to Mom. She is his "girlfriend" emotionally. Is he getting closer to God or to a specific religion or church? Big difference! God doesn't need a building or an organization with man made rules.
Tell him in a kind manner but tell him he's very confused. Tell him when he figures out what he wants independent of what his Mom wants, he can give you a call. Until he's ready to cut the apron strings, he will be unable to be in an adult relationship.
2007-03-05 07:58:51 · answer #1 · answered by friendlyadvice 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I already answered your original question, the one without the additional details.
Someone who is trying to get closer to God, would want to include you, not exclude you. He would want you to get closer also.
His age and the fact that he still lives at home, are not that big a deal...if he was a few years older, I would say something different.
Your age isn't really a factor either.
His parents hating you is a factor. His mom's bias is also a factor. It is difficult to say anything about the advice he gets from his mom, not knowing her or him, so I will let that alone. I will say, if his parents hate you, the advice he is getting is likely hateful as well.
This could explain his confusion.
But, he is a grown man, and capable of making his own decisons regardless of whatever biased info he gets. Your (ex) boyfriend is the one who knows you. And he knows you well after 2.5 years. He also knows better than to treat you this way.
He has a good idea what this is doing to you.
He may be conflicted between his own feelings and his mom's advice, but that is no reason to mess with you. He has to work out his own issues, and leave you the heck out of them.
If he doesn't know what he is doing or what to do about you, then he needs to continue on his way.
Life is too short for you to put up with this junk while he gets himself together.
Call him. Tell him, you can't go on this way. He doesn't know what he wants, or what he is doing. He needs to figure that out, and if you have someone else by the time he does, oh well.
You deserve to be treated kindly, with respect, and with love. That is not what you are getting. You are getting hot one second cold the next. His decisons no longer matter. How are you going to handle this?
How long are you willing to put up with this? When you are fed up, you know what to do.
My daughter-in-law wants me to tell you that you are very young, and there are other fish in the sea. Maybe you will find a fish whose parents adore you and has a son who adores you as well. You deserve this much, and more
Hope all goes well for you, whatever you decide.
Hope this helps. God bless you.
2007-03-05 16:11:52 · answer #2 · answered by 1985 & going strong 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going through something very similar right now and I understand how difficult this is for you. Wouldn't it be nice if he would just give you a straight answer if he wants to be with you or not? But that would be too easy. It is not fair for you to continue to try to go about your daily life when you have no idea what is going on in your personal life. It's like you are forced to walk on eggshells...even though your boyfriend is supposed to be the person you trust the most.
My best advice...you HAVE to stop taking his calls...as hard as it is. Right now he is playing games and the only way he will stop is if you stop being available to him. Give him time to make up his mind. Let him figure out if he wants to be with you or not. Let him figure out if his parents opinion is more important than your feelings. YOU CANNOT TALK to him while he makes up his mind. Otherwise he will drag this on. It will be hard not to talk to him. In the meantime, journal as much as you can. It's not good to hold your feelings in...but discussing your thoughts with him will have no impact at this point. Giving him this break will make or break your relationship...but it is better to know now if he REALLY loves you than to force someone into staying with you. The break will also let him know that you are strong enough not to put up with his crap. You deserve better...and you know it! Good luck to you! Feel free to email me if you need to vent!
2007-03-05 16:02:07 · answer #3 · answered by smeggitt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not ready for a serious relationship. He has no idea what he wants. You are young and don't have to rush into anything, both of you could use some time getting to know yourselves. Give it time and space and you may want to get back together or you may not. He definitely needs to mature.
2007-03-05 16:12:45 · answer #4 · answered by QT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him go! move on if he still lives with his parents it means he's a mama's boy. His mother is afraid you might take his baby away, so leave him. Don't have any contact with him, because he might be playing with you. Don't show any need for him, find someone that will truly values you and won't try to hurt you.
2007-03-05 15:56:21 · answer #5 · answered by Ash C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, he sounds like hes the one thats 19.....evn acting like hes 16. But neway, I've ben with a guy like this to. And as much as it breaks your heart to see him slip away, ou have to let him. Whe you tell him not to call you anymore, he may get mad, call you choice words. You have to understand, in situations like this, it has NOTHING to do with you. Its really a bout what hes going through and maybe he's unsure what you are to him. Just move on, hang out with your friends. Change your cell number if you want! Trust me on this, and if trully wants to be with you than he'll move out mamas house & apologize to u like a REAL man :) good luck, e-mail me if u eva wanna talk.
2007-03-05 16:07:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My guess is that he is confused. He's more than likely at a crossroad and can't make up his mind. But that doesn't mean you should just sit around and wait for him to get his head str8. Give him some space and tell him to call you when he is really serious about you and him. Until then do what you do...
2007-03-05 15:53:14 · answer #7 · answered by jacarig 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Move on. The boy has some serious issues that he needs to work out in his own time. He will just drag you down with him. If he was saying he loves you, I'd say give him a chance, but if he keeps changing his mind like that, you need to dump him.
2007-03-05 15:51:46 · answer #8 · answered by mikah_smiles 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he wants to mature and become a man. Give him that space and if it was meant to be he will come back for you.
Good luck!
2007-03-05 15:51:55 · answer #9 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
*Yes move on he is just playing games and usuing you .You deserve better find someone who cares and respects you . Good Luck *
2007-03-05 15:53:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋