my husband and i never have any time to spend together, the only time we are together is when we are at work because we own a business and it is usually 8-10 hours a day. saturday is the only day that we have off and it's suppose to be "our day". that means no friends or phone calls to friends. well this saturday we went to a party together so both of us can have fun together but his friends were there and he ended up spending some time with his friends more then me. once in a while we hung out, drink, and danced. but at the end of the night he wanted to hang out with his friends for 20-30 mins just so they can talk and hang out, with out me. well i got mad cause it wasnt suppose to be about his friends on that day it was suppose to be about us, plus on friday night he was already with his friends till 3a.m. and another thing that got me mad was because he said i dont need to be babying him. now i guess he's mad cause i made a big deal when spent 15 mins with his friends.
2007-03-05 07:40:07 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The problem is not who is right or who is wrong. That seldom works in a relationship. The issue is are you willing to step out of yourself and try to view things from his perspective?
(Him too, but since you are the one posting, you get the lecture.)
Is this the typical way things go, or was this only one of 52 Saturdays that went this way? If this is once is some great while thing, then let it go.
Did you have some plan that he messed up, or are you just jealous that he spent time with someone else?
Now, with that said, I agree with Dr Harley that couples should have at least 15 hours of time they devote to one another each week. It's better if you can spread that time out during the week, say an hour each day, and some longer periods on the weekends.
Again, this isn't a right or wrong issue, it's an issue where you each try to walk in the other person's shoes.
2007-03-05 07:51:13 · answer #1 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Calm down and look at the bigger picture: You spend all freakin' day and night together, six days a week. The one day you have to do anything you want is spent...TOGETHER! Ugh!
I speak from experience, as one who worked in a family-owned business for thirty years. Neither of you has an opportunity to think of the other one in any other way than as a business partner. You don't have any real down time, neither of you has any alone time other than potty breaks. If you can, find a way to work different hours, or hours where your days overlap at some point but don't at others. Try and hire someone to help you. You don't say what type of business you have, but is it possible to shift the workload and break up the day?
You're working hard, and it's tough running your own business-- but don't spend what little precious time you have complaining because he's chatting with some friends. In the greater scheme of things, it's not that big a deal; you can resolve this if you just stop and think about it.
2007-03-05 16:24:00 · answer #2 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well lets get a couple things clear. If you have someone to watch the store Saturday then get someone to watch it Sunday or Friday.
I'm an Investigator so I never know where I'll be I try to be home every weekend, but between laundry, groceries, bill paying, house cleaning etc. 1 day off no wonder you two are fighting. Make the first day off taking care of your family and individual needs, IE. hair apt. etc. and the second day just relaxing together.
We try to stay in a routine but it doesn't always work, I helped a buddy of mine all last weekend but the wife didn't get mad at me she took care of my chores and I took her to dinner TWICE that weekend, the point is it all worked out. and no one was mad about it. That would be like you being mad at your husband because he didn't fall asleep at the exact same time you did. Really was the 30 min. that big of a deal?
Hope this helps
2007-03-05 16:01:53 · answer #3 · answered by walker9842 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your both right, just in their own way. He works all week and wanted to spend time with friends, your right because you worked all work and thought this was going to be together time. The way to work this out is to have a date night or weekend. The rules to date night or weekend is its all about each other and having fun together. When you say saturday is our day you cant really say its all about you 2 when your at a party. Tell him you feel like you got ripped off on "our day" and your be needing another one. That you just wanted to spend that time with him and you hate to share him on your days off. Doing his friday night until 3am with his friends.... do you go out with your friends until 3am? if so that works for you all, if not then Id choose my fights more carefully, and chose friday night 3am, If hes camping, hunting, fishing, and its only once or twice a month id be ok but more then once or twice and at a bar etc id show him mad.
2007-03-05 15:57:33 · answer #4 · answered by letthepartybeginnow 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's cool that you have an arrangement like, that, in all fairness it sounds like you were both wrong to a certain extent.The fact that he went out the night before with his friends puts things doesn't make it any less wrong. Sometimes in a relationship its good to spend some time apart.
If he's out with his friends, go out with your friends. The fact that you work together could be a factor too, but you'll have to ask him that.
2007-03-05 16:01:55 · answer #5 · answered by evil_paul 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Haha oh my goodness. He wanted a whole 20-30 minutes without you! The bastar_!!! You two are together for 8-10 hours EVERY DAY. Maybe he needs friends time without you on Saturdays. You are a control freak! Poor guy. He is right, you dont need to be babying him. The way you are acting is going to drive him away. He is married, he needs a wife, not a strict mother.
2007-03-05 15:48:45 · answer #6 · answered by Kari R 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Sorry...you're at fault here. I'm sure that I'm not telling you anything you don't know but owning a business is being married to it. I think its swell that you two have this "our night" arrangement made but really....there are going to be times like this one you just mention where you both need some elbow room and aquaint yourselves with friends.
So...that night was a wash. The following week make arrangements so it will be just the two of you. its give and take her sweetie. You've made your displeasure known so let it go. Work on the following week and make it known you really want the time together this week. You may find he'll be perfectly content with that.
2007-03-05 15:52:36 · answer #7 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Running a business is hard work, I know cause I am running my own, but my wife and I still find the time to go out and have fun. If we run into some of our buddies we tell then that we are happy to see them, but this is our night and we want to be alone. If they are really your friends than they will understand. If not, then tell your husband to go screw himself and when you get home, start throwing his things out the door.
2007-03-05 16:27:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to stop pouting. I mean he's a guy and needs guy time. You are just going to push him away, and it will get worse. You see each other every freakin day at work?! I mean my goodness, if you can't sneak in a freak session, or a love pat here and there at work then why bother. Let him have his time, he'll appreciate you for it in the long run. And besides there's nothing sexier than an independent woman..think about it.
2007-03-05 16:14:13 · answer #9 · answered by Lisa D 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The actions taken aren't to be taken that seriously. But i think that the way he said that he wanted to be with his friends alone might have hurt your feelings. He SHOULD be more considerate. If he was the one who really valued 'your day', and you did the same to him, i assure you he would be offended too. Sometimes the time together is really important for one, and not a big deal to the other. I do understand why you're upset. I mean, it's not like he hasn't been alone with his friends in so long. I think he was insensitive.
2007-03-05 15:50:48 · answer #10 · answered by jade 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋