There is this girl at work that has started to chat with me randomly and more frequently. I'm normally not a friendly guy and also I am married. I did not initiate this at all and I am not giving her any false impressions.
But lately, I'm starting to open up to the idea of her being a "friend". She is a decent looking young girl and its refreshing to have somebody wanting to be my friend. Ever since I have been married, this has become something of an issue for me. Making new friends has been a lot harder.
Is it possible to be friends with her and nothing more? Or should I try to avoid her. Could she have another motive? Does she not notice the shiny gold ring on my wedding finger? Doesn't a wedding ring normally drive away women like garlic drives away vampires?
2007-03-05 07:12:06 · 18 answers · asked by Bob B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It seems as though she really goes out of her way to get my attention. What gives?
2007-03-05 07:25:40 · update #1
You heard it here and the women have spoken. They said it themselves: The women are not to be trusted.
They know deep down how selfish rotten they are and they have told you here to beware.
2007-03-05 07:57:39 · answer #1 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her motives aren't really an issue as long as you trust yourself to do the right thing. So, accept that she's just friendly until she gives you reason to think otherwise - and if she gives you that reason, drop her.
Also, work the fact that you have a wife into conversation once in a while. (Casually, not in some paranoid psycho way). Like "oh, my wife and I were talking about seing that movie...she likes comedies..." That sort of thing. If she's just wanting to be friends, then that won't hit her radar. If she's trying to hit on you, it will.
Meanwhile, I"m married so it's a different thing than being approached by a single woman, but personally I just enjoy being friends with bright, fun people, whether they're married or single, male or female. When I was single, I would never have considered dating a married man - found the idea repugnant - but I certainly chatted with married men at work and was friendly with them. Sometimes things are just what they look like, without any evil hidden motives. And if that's not the case - well, as I said, if she ever suggests anything improper, don't talk to her anymore.
2007-03-05 07:22:07 · answer #2 · answered by romipenne 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I can tell you right now marriage has never stopped anybody from falling off the right path. I'm sure girls can be friends with married men. I know I am. As long as you're not that friendly and make sure you do say little things such as, "I am glad to have found my wife she means everything to me" or other things like that to let her know that you are very happy with the one that you chose. But also, let her know that she's a good FRIEND. Don't be shy, if you say that it is hard to find a friend don't back away your friendship. Tell you wife how you feel about it that way she'll also know that you trust her this much and if anything uncalled for happens it was her doing not yours.
2007-03-05 07:19:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sure my wife and I have a friend, who has no gag reflex. But she's only a friend, and will never be anything more than a close dear friend.
Having said that, left me clarify, the best way to have a friend is to involve your spouse from the very beginning, and make sure she's cool with it. Because to pay alimony for a friend is nuts. And god forbid you have kids.
See if your wife wants to get together with you new friend, but you'd better make sure as to spend an extra amount of time cooing over the wife in front of your friend, ie. this is my beautiful wife, She's my best friend as well, etc.
And if your looking to get laid by your friend, then you'd better get divorced first.
Hope this helps
2007-03-05 07:23:23 · answer #4 · answered by walker9842 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm a wife, but just because my husband is married doesn't mean he doesn't get to make and have new friends. yes women have motives, sometimes, but I trust my husband completely. yes some women are jealous of their husbands and their female friends, but again, not all of us! being married doesn't mean you never get to have a new friend, and it doesn't mean you only get to be with people of your same sex. If you and your wife have a good relationship i don't see what the problem is here.
2007-03-05 07:49:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really depends on the women. some women love married men! It doesnt sound like she has other motives in talking to you. Just make sure to keep your relationship on the firend side. Dont do anything you wouldnt be comfortable telling your wife about. In fact invite your wife to hang out with you and this girl to establish to your wife that this girl isnt a threat and to establish to the girl that you love your wife very much. To me thoguh it just sounds like an innocent friendship.
2007-03-05 07:17:44 · answer #6 · answered by Courtney C 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Most of my friends are guys. I have become friends with married guys with no intention other than I wanted to be friends. Some women just relate better to men. I prefer having male friends because women can be so catty and competitive that it makes me sick. My best friend is female, but almost everyone else I hang out with is male. So, if you want to be friends with her and your wife doesn't have a problem with it, be her friend.
2007-03-05 07:22:16 · answer #7 · answered by nickyk 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is possible to have male friends who are married, yes.
I myself have many married male friends. I would say that if it were ever turning to be more than that on her part, you'd have to cut it off then. I don't know why anyone would want to throw away a friend because of what "might be a motive".... you have to give people a chance.....
2007-03-05 07:18:29 · answer #8 · answered by sassinya 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
honestly, if she is going out of her way to see you, acts like she doesn't' see the wedding ring, i would she definitely wants to get in bed with you! now, if yous were like 20 years apart in age and only had a working relationship and nothing more, i wouldn't be worried. but given what you have said, i would tell her to leave you alone. if she doesn't tell her that your wife will call her and set her straight!
2007-03-05 10:58:54 · answer #9 · answered by jdchick48 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't you dare!!! you are only opening the door to a "wonderful, meaning relationship" that will piss off your wife. trust me. i been the wife. and i still don't like it one bit. at one point...someone will take it too far. and i was the young coworker as well 6 years ago...being married was not a hinderance for me. i still slept with the guy anyway.
i always thought it was possible to be friends with a person of the opposite sex. for 9 years i had a male best friend. then one day, he asked to kiss me, said he always wanted to know what it was like. his girlfriend was also my best friend. i guess i was wrong.
2007-03-05 07:30:08 · answer #10 · answered by Bella 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She may feel that since you are already married, she won't have to be on guard as much, you will not expect anything but friendship from her. The only way to find out for sure is to get to know her. Good luck.
2007-03-05 07:21:50 · answer #11 · answered by mightymite1957 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋