Have you ever been in a relationship with a passive aggressive person? Is it another form of manipulation?

Question

I think some people think passive aggressiveness it is ok because they aren't hitting you. I tend to disagree and would rather a person be up front instead of being fake.

Answer 1

I have a bit of a different take on this than you'll hear from modern psychologists (although, you'll see me refer to passive-aggressive behavior because of its popular use):

There are essentially two kind of behavior:

1. Passive: going about your own business without imposing yourself on others.

2. Aggressive: Asserting your will on others, claiming resources of others, etc.

When psychologists refer to assertive behavior they are talking about not being passive to the point where you let somebody else over-impose themselves on you (they say a lot of stuff about healthy boundaries).

Passive-aggressives, then, are people who are really agressive (manipulative) but don't have the integrity to be overt about it: they are pretending to be passive while aggressively manipulating you. They are still aggressive, but they're just being sneaky about it because they have crappy character traits: it's how they've learned to get what they want (probably as young children), and they are ultimately insincere, emotionally under-developed children who think pretending to be nice makes them nice

Usually passive-aggressives lack communication skills: they cannot be direct when stating their own needs to the point they are pathological, so they egage in subversive tactics to get what they want, and this earns them the mistrust of others.. Of course, when they've earned mistrust, they will blame whoever doesn't trust them pre-emptively. They are also good at accusing others of lacking communication skills.

Answer 2

I live with a passive aggressive... and what a ride it has been... its sad that emotional abuse is so ignore... I guess its because you can't see it... there are no physical scars that others can see or feel. I would rather be knocked out cold, rather than endure the intense pressure applied by a passive aggressive in a day. You are always put down and made to feel less than dirt. They are always threatened by everything and everybody around you and themselves. You serve a life sentence without committing a crime...you want to know what Hell is like? i know!

Answer 3

The most offensive thing you can do to a passive aggressive person is reveal their true feelings/ motives to them. It's also funny to pretend you don't see what they're getting at. Play stupid and ask them to explain what they mean/want... repeatedly. They feel they assert their dominance by sneaking around issues and not directly addressing things. By forcing them to, you take away their safety.
On a more sensitive note, it's very hard for them to change their ways. Most of them are scared to be straight, assertive, or aggressive. Help them seek a way to build their self-esteem. Maybe you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Answer 4

I agree with you. P.A. people are sneaky and spineless. Saying things and then denying any bad intent. Doing things that you know are out of spite but of course they dont have the nerve to tell you but after so many years you are wise to all of the mean crap they do. I, like you would rather they just be upfront with their feelings. Its so hard to resolve issues when they sit there and deny there is a problem even though it is staring you both in the face. And yes, its a huge form of manipulation. They are very hard to deal with.

Answer 5

The answer is an unequivocal YES! This is one of the most common types of manipulation and, if allowed to continue, one of the most destructive.

Ultimately, this kind of behavior is unhealthy not just for you, but for them as well. It usually continues, however, because it usually works. Just like a government negotiating with hostage-takers, you have to be willing to call their bluff and ignore their threats, even if it means some damage in the short term.

Answer 6

Passive aggressiveness is not ok. These type of people just expect you to figure them out, as opposed to actually telling you exactly how they feel. My personal experience is that they tend to say things out of emotion as opposed to rational thought. Abuse can be in many forms besides physical. I would prefer people to just be upfront, b/c it is mentally draining to try to figure someone out.

Answer 7

Passive Aggressive is very manipulative, usually this personality is very egocentric. It does feel like an assault when you are dealing with someone like this. I got a good dose of acid reflux being married to one for years.

good luck & bless

Answer 8

Its sucky - dont get involved
although, I will say we ALLLLLL use this tactic every now an again to some degree, but if its your partner's M.O., I'd say, "Ciao"
Of course a long term partner is not easily discarded, so you may want to get to the bottom of it and let them know "hey, enough with trying to manipulate and getting things YOUR way all the time- grow up!"

Answer 9

I hate passive aggressive people, it is definatly more mental abuse than everything...they are very annoying when they do not get their way, and tend to make snide sarcastic comments about it whenever they get the chance.

Answer 10

Yes I have, and yes it is the same thing as manipulation. They tend to be sneaky and lie to get things like they want them. After my ex found out I was on to him, he threatened to put me in a mental hospital. He said there was something wrong with me, and he would make me sorry. I have a very good job, and my employers came to my rescue as they are prominent people in our community. Do not get involved with anyone who is like this.