My Husband I have been figthing back and forth for almost a year. He started to push me that kind of thing and then he became violent. Truthfully the hitting wasnt horrible but it was not acceptable. I called the cops on him and he was arrested. Well he was bailed out and he now lives with his friends and does not want to be around me which is very hurtful because I dont think that I did anything wrong.
Well he has four felonies against him and I know that he is going to have a hard time getting out of this if we dont get through it together. I am trying to help him but he almost wont allow me to help him, I keep telling what we need to do and things of that nature but he wont listen.
How do I get him to understand that I am only trying to help him so he does not go back to jail? Im I just being stupid I mean should I just leave him alone please help??
2007-03-05 06:16:19 · 24 answers · asked by Forever y 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sounds like a loser. Divorce the loser before he beats you or kills you
2007-03-05 06:20:07 · answer #1 · answered by Apple 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well, for one you need to understand that he did something wrong. There is not justification in hitting someone. If you sit there and take on the task of helping him stay out of trouble for him hitting you then basically he is NOT having to take any responsibility for it, and you are lowering yourself by allowing him not to have to. You obviously knew it was wrong to hit you when you called the police for help. If he has things against him, and has probation/parole then there may not be anything you can do as it may go against him, and he may have to serve time for it. The state also has the choice to press charges against him reguardless if you say no cause the cops have already been called, and report has already been made. Also you say he does not want you around him hun he is clearly telling you to go away. I don't mean to sound ugly about it, but unless he decides to change on his own without you trying to push it he will hit you again it's just a matter of time. Been there done that got the t-shirt, and wrote the book. It can get sooooo much worse in fact. I was almost strangled by an ex-boyfriend at the end of our relationship, and I was like you trying to help forgiving, and thinking it was my fault until I finally woke up, and said hey he had issues not me. If at all possible maybe you should seek someone you trust and talk to them about things, but you MUST allow this man to take responsibility for his actions, or you are just enabling him to do it again. Don't stamp doormat on your forehead.
2007-03-05 09:20:38 · answer #2 · answered by JustMe 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, you did do the right thing, that is what the law is for.
he commited a crime, he broke the law, it was him against the state, [even if YOU din't consider it that bad] . Now you have done all you could do, he is rebellious and prideful, he should be remorseful, if he comes back under those selfish conditions without truely being repentent, he will only escalate to full blown anger towards you-- eventually.
he is an adult, he should be ashamed of himself, and obviously he has the wrong kind of friends.
he has never been forced to learn from the consequences of his actions? believe it or not, you are not the person to teach him
this. Just be patient and mature, now it is his turn to come to you, he is certainly spoiled and sounds as if he even has self-pity.
Go about your daily duties, try to be around good friends and talk to a solid pastor. This is the time of his testing of his love for you , and his testing as a real man, the main issue for you, is that you have peace. God calls us to live in peace, He does want you both to be commited to your marraige of course, but it really does take both. Ask your husband to honor his commitment to work on your relationship, tell him you still love him, but also tell him you cannot live in fear and this time he needs to resolve this matter on his own. Hopefully with much prayer things will turn around, trust in Jesus, He wants you to go to Him, regardless of how your husband is.
2007-03-05 06:31:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am glad you stood your ground. If he won't go get help for his anger management issues, then you need to back off and just let him go. Obviously lines have been crossed and if you all are not going to get help with your issues, then it is best to just let it go. Sometimes things just can't be saved no matter how good the intentions are, you know the old "oil and water" issue.
You sound like you care a lot, but you can not rescue anyone. Any changing that a person is going to do needs to be done by them and for themselves only. Otherwise you will just get caught up in an endless cycle of enabling and all that. If he does not come to you, with a plan to initiate specific actions that will enable change and growth,let him go or start expecting a lifetime of this sort of drama.
2007-03-05 06:24:18 · answer #4 · answered by dedum 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is such a thing as consequences.... Pay up time .... He should have kept the cock of the walk attitude in a closet instead he tried to keep up w/ the big shots way out of his class.... I guess he'll go to jail Sometimes people just don;t learn the !st time The 2nd time The 3rd Time the 4th Time The 5 th time .... do u get the picture?
2007-03-05 06:28:35 · answer #5 · answered by lilly l 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look, kid, I've dealt width people just like him for years and years, and in fact a couple of 'em are cousins of mine. He is not going to change, and he will - and I mean WILL - wind up back behind bars again and there is NOTHING - repeat, N O T H I N G you can do about it. Get yourself FREE of this guy - he's a menace, and if you keep bugging him, his next jail term is likely to be because he did something horrible to you!
2007-03-05 08:30:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing by calling the police. You should not be down grading it and saying he didn't do anything wrong. He hit you! That is very wrong. He also has other felonies. You don't need this in your life. Move on.
Good luck!
2007-03-05 06:22:37 · answer #7 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
If you truely love him then you won't give up on him. However, he was wrong to get violent with you. Good for you for taking action and not letting him continue this behavior. If you didn't put a stop to it, it only would have gotten worse. If you really want to help him then a good way to get through to him is through one of his friends, since trying to connect directly to him hasn't worked yet. Good luck!
2007-03-05 06:22:13 · answer #8 · answered by figglepie123 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he is blaming you then he needs counseling. Whatever you do don't drop the charges, you will regret it. I learned this the hard way. Even though by law you can't be forced to testify against your spouse, you can at the very least ask the judge to order therapy. It only gets worse.
2007-03-05 06:21:20 · answer #9 · answered by jenniferjwhite1979 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Leave him alone! You two aren't good for each other, you try to bring out the good in yourself and you cause him pain. I'm not saying it's correct for him hitting you but look at what you want him to do. You want him to come back to you for more sh_t. Are you crazy? Leave him alone!
2007-03-05 06:39:48 · answer #10 · answered by beamer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wait a minute~ ...you want to help a person who was violent to you?? you are not dumb are you??? oh GOD!! leave the loser alone he does not want help from you and he knows he got thrown in jail because he hit u and is staying away for a reason~ he knows that u and him are not a good math and u keep chasing him...this is weird and insane girl! leave him alone ...let him handle his own stuff by himself without u~
2007-03-05 06:29:52 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋