Me and my fiance broke up a week ago. We were together for 4 and a half years engaged for 3. It was his decision I didn't want it to happen I tryed so hard to make him change his mind and he didn't. I know it has only been a week but I just can't stop thinking about him he is on my mind all day every day. We have been keeping in touch with text messaging and that is good. I just miss him so much I can't stop thinking about him. He is working out of town on work this week so I can't see him, but I keep trying to think of what I can say to see him when he gets back. I am going to see him in the weekend as our friends are having a going away party. We have both said that we will keep in touch and still see each other as friends but I am scared that won't happen. I just wish that it didn't hurt so much. All I want to do is text him and tell him I love him and I know I can't.
2007-03-05 06:14:17 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
By keeping contact with him will keep the pain coming. You need to cut all ties, meet up with some friends or family, and do not sit around and get bored. Time is the only thing that will take away the hurt, but keep yourself busy and then you won't dwell too much matter at hand. Keeping contact with him is keeping him in your life which will honestly just bring more pain everytime you call, text, or hear anything from him.
2007-03-05 06:17:59 · answer #1 · answered by ○•○•Cassie•○•○ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how many people keep their promises to stay in touch after a break-up, but I do know it's less likely to happen if you prolong the grief period. Spend time away from him. Dragging it out'll only make it more painful. You guys have a history and mutual friends, it's unlikely that you'd never see each other again. At this party, remember to visit with other people. If you chase him all over the place, or continuously stare at him from across the room, you'll hurt your chances of being friends.
On the other hand, if you know there's still a chance that things could work out and you're not just kidding yourself, you have to act on it. It's not always good to let things settle.
2007-03-05 06:26:16 · answer #2 · answered by Tink 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
been there done that. only time can heal a broken heart. but if this is positively what he wants you won't change his mind . then cut all ties now no calls, no text messages, no anything, it makes the healing process go faster..it take will power but you can do it, pray for strength, and as for staying friends you may try for a while but it will never happen feeling won't let it... listen i am telling you this from experience after a breakup of 18 yrs. together and two kids.. it has been 9 years and we haven't spoken in about 6 years to each other..
2007-03-05 06:31:11 · answer #3 · answered by raven1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you can do for you is end all contact. i know exactly where you are coming from. I was with a guy for 3 years and we were engaged. We broke up 3 months before our wedding. I was like you, I hung on to any form on contact I could. I figured something was better than nothing. He ended up dating someone else, but we remained friends. It turned into a friends with benefits, while he was dating the other girl. In my mind he was still my fiance so it was OK. Eventually it hit me that I was making love and he was just using me for sex. Maybe because he was comfortable with me too, but in the mean time he's moving on with his life and I'm staying in limbo with mine waiting for him to change his mind. It never happened. I ended up more hurt by the way he treated me after the break up than the actual break up - I was just the other woman now. I know it's not easy, but you need to avoid him at all costs. He may already have another girlfriend too. It's been my experience that most people find the courage to end a long term relationship after they find someone else to turn to. I know it hurts, but you will survive and you will be stronger for it.
2007-03-05 06:23:28 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's sad, it's along time to be with someone. but you can't make someone want to be with you or stay with you know matter what you do. it's only been a week I'm sure it feels longer,the more you text him the more contact you have with him will only make it harder for you. if he doesn't want to be with you let him go completely. it's hard but you can do it, go out with friends find a hobby work out keep busy. friends with him might work down the road right now your having to much of a difficult time being away from him. you know ? think about it this way; it's so much easier to be away from someone when that person really wants you back, they miss you call all the time etc... your making him feel real good. and you like crap. flip it around what if you broke up with him and didn't want to be with him anymore. and he called you etc . wouldn't it be easy for you to say no lets be friends. of course we have all been there. my advice stop talking for awhile, you might even find someone better for you. good luck
2007-03-05 06:28:48 · answer #5 · answered by sassy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually, keeping in touch is just stringing it out longer, IMO.
And a week is not very long for a 4 year relationship. This feeling could go on in varying intensity for months, so you gotta start focusing on taking care of the little things: your appearance, paying the bills, etc. and visiting with friends and family. Stop talking to him if he broke up with you: you're just providing an emotional safety net for him, and prolonging your own misery.
2007-03-05 06:28:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry for what your going through but first off you have to stop keeping in touch even if you want to that makes it even harder on you...and whenever you want to forget about some one stop thinking of all the good things that happen with them and think of all the bad things they did to you....If you guys really cant work it out just stop talking if not just play hard to get when a guy sees that you are after them and in love they think they are the s**t...Lots of luck
2007-03-05 06:21:07 · answer #7 · answered by *Tiny Mommy* 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately there is no way to get out of the pain of it. pain is a great teacher. first off if he broke it off, and u can't change his mind, whenever there is any kind of contact it will bring the hurt back.and u won't be able to be friends with him, it just won't work. our understanding of what is really going on will determine what happens, and how well we can deal with it. life is not going to be without bad circumstances, we have to accept what happened, pain makes us grow. think that in keeping some kind of friendship u believe things could return to what they once were, none of us want hurt, and the pain of loosing who we love. know that whatever is happening to u right now is right for u in terms of your happiness and fulfillment in life. so just let go of what u had with him, let go of how u thought your world would be. if he is gone it is his decision and we have no control over someone else or their choices.accept the hurt, let yourself feel it.as its the only way to wellness.
2007-03-05 06:38:48 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to start going out with friends, and dating. once you meet someone you will start your healing process. until then, i don't think it's a good idea for you to have any contact with him. you need time away from him so you can heal. i know it's hard but, all he's doing is giving you a false sense of hope that the 2 of you will get back together.
2007-03-05 06:22:09 · answer #9 · answered by lidakamo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know its hard, you sound like a sweet girl, but dont go to the party and dont text him anymore, he has other plans which dont include you and that is what hurts so bad, there is nothing you can do, i suggest finding something that makes you happy and do that, take a trip, spend some time alone but not with friends that were close to both of you, you have to break up with them too
2007-03-05 06:21:37 · answer #10 · answered by sofmatty 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋