He waited till after the marriage to tell me this.. before I could trust him, but now....i dont..
2007-03-05 06:07:48 · 15 answers · asked by Brittney T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
at least the cat is out of the bag. Marriage is a new chapter in a relationship take it one step at a time
2007-03-05 06:10:58 · answer #1 · answered by Apple 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's obvious the trust is gone but it can be built back up, it just depends on if you can accept it and move on or stew in it never move past it. It's not an easy thing to do and the trust will never be the same but it depends on if the love you have for him, is worth it to you.
Start the healing, by asking all the questions you want answered (anything you can think of... who, where, why etc. , ), he has to be upfront and honest (your entitled to all the answers). When your satisfied with the answers, take some time to vent and then allow more time, to accept it. Make it known to him that this is probably the worst thing he could have done to start off this marriage and that you need time to think about what your going to do.
When the time comes and you can forgive him, tell him that you do forgive him but the trust you had in him is gone. It is up to him to rebuild this and you will help but it's really up to him to start.
It will not happen overnight it may take months to get better and then years for the pain to subside. Time does have a way of healing wounds, just don't keep reliving that dreadful day. Never bring this day up again and never use it for future reference (it's not an option, especially if you've truly forgiven him). Move on and make the best out of the situation, by learning and leaving it behind. It can work, it just depends if he's worth it to you.
Seek counseling, if you just can't move past this.
2007-03-05 06:27:54 · answer #2 · answered by trojan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Were you having sex with him before you two were married. If so...She who has not sinned, cast the first stone.
Commitment is the purpose of marriage. What he did before you were married is not "right" so to speak, but you weren't married. If you were having sex with him as well, what exactly is your point.
As far as what Jamie B said above me--That may be right, but you had responsibility to find these things out for yourself before you were married. Further, this is not grounds for annulment if you two were already having sex together. The reason being is because there was no sanctity of the marriage to begin with. So you can't come forward now and use this as grounds for annulment. Do you realize how many marriage could be annuled if this were true?
Obviously, there may now be trust issues because he was deceptive, but that should be the extent of it. But then again, it shouldn't matter. Move forward.
2007-03-05 06:16:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
How heartbreaking! Sorry for what you are feeling now! That would be a deal breaker for me. Could things ever be the same again? I really doubt it, the trust and respect are gone, not sure time will heal the relationship back to what it was. But that is only how I would feel. Hope things work out for you, what ever you decide.
2007-03-05 06:18:08 · answer #4 · answered by Z 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh hunny that's so horrible of him that messes up your relationship
well if it were me i would divorce him cus i could not deal with a cheating man and he completely lost all your trust and the reason he waited till you were married was cus he thought that if he waited till you were married he wouldn't lose you and he was only thinking about himself Hun he is selfish and a horrible husband I'm sure he is a good man but what he did was so wrong i would be more willing to deal with him cheating then him lying to me and trying to do what is best for him
the fact that he lied till after you were married was cus he wants whats best for him and the right man should want what is best for you to
i wouldn't stay with him but if you have to guts to do it and work things out then i admire you with all my heart and i hope you do what is right good luck Hun
2007-03-05 06:17:19 · answer #5 · answered by carmelfude2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW! I'm trying to put myself in your position! And I cam totally see where you're coming from. Like the other person said.....Decide, stay married or get a divorce. If you really feel in your heart that he won't do this while you 2 are married then stay with him! I think it all depends on when he did this too. Were you 2 engaged or was it not too far into your relationship??
2007-03-05 06:13:17 · answer #6 · answered by ParisLynn16 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You could file for an annulment. He deceived you and that is a legitimate reason for an annulment.....
A reason for annulment is called an diriment impediment to the marriage. Prohibitory impediments make entering a marriage wrong but do not invalidate the marriage, such as being betrothed to another person at the time of the wedding; diriment impediments, such as being brother and sister, or being married to another person at the time of the wedding, prevent such a marriage from being contracted at all. Such unions are called putative marriages.
Diriment impediments include:
Consanguinity
Insanity precluding ability to consent
Not intending, when marrying, to remain faithful to the spouse (simulation of consent)
One partner had been deceived by the other in order to obtain consent, and if the partner had been aware of the truth, would not have consented to marry
Abduction of the woman, with the intent to compel her to marry (known as raptus), constitutes an impediment as long as she remains in the kidnapper's power. (In theory, the abduction of a man also constitutes an impediment, but no man has applied for annulment on these grounds.)
Failure to adhere to requirements of canon law for marriages, such as clandestinity
the couple killed the spouse of one of them in order to be free to marry
the couple committed adultery, and one of the couple killed the spouse of one of them, in order to be free to marry
2007-03-05 06:16:22 · answer #7 · answered by Jamie B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't have children, then you can walk away if you don't trust him. Or you can get marriage counseling.
I would probably opt for a few months of marriage counseling, and see if he was really worth the trouble.
2007-03-05 06:12:03 · answer #8 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have the marriage anulled. He can't be much of a person if he waited till after the wedding
2007-03-05 06:13:03 · answer #9 · answered by megan261980 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you want to work it out, you will definitely need to go to counseling together. There's no way you can get over this double betrayal by yourself and he obviously needs to work out some things too.
If you do not think you can accept it, bite the bullet and move on. Annulment.
2007-03-05 06:12:05 · answer #10 · answered by BelleDandy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋