Grief and drinking...?

Question

I recently lost my brother to a murder, about a month ago. I handled everything, the funeral arrangements, the subsequent costs entailed, in fact I think I've handled it quite well. I have not cried, and I worry that this lack of showing tears shows that I didn't love my brother, which is not true.

In the last month at work I have found myself being very abrupt, severely annoyed with patients, got blamed for something that I did not do and at any other time I would have done nothing; but now--I'm telling people exactly what I think about them, their system, their quality of care to other patients. I have been called in once by the Hospital Administrator to 'talk if I need to'.

In this same time frame I have been drinking more. I almost always have had one Southern Comfort, (3/4 water, 1/4 SC) after dinner.. The 750 ml would last months. Now I drink SC straight, several a night, and went to 100 proof SC, go thru same bottle in 1-2 days is this alcoholism? If so, why? or if not, why?

Answer 1

My brother died suddenly, not murder but a very malignant cancer. I had to handle everything and I never got the chance to grieve as I wanted to. And then, it was over and the tears wouldn't come. I clashed with my elderly mother who thought that because I didn't cry I didn't care but inside I wanted to burst. I drank to excess. I got into all sorts of trouble with sleeping pills and so on. Then, one day, the dam opened and I couldn't stop crying, first for me, then the realization that I had lost my brother. I cried it all out.

Yes, you are in danger of alcoholism but please get help. If you work in a hospital there will be those there who can help you.

Answer 2

By definition it does not sound as though you're addicted or a full blown alcoholic. But you are self-medicating which is the quickest way to become an alcoholic.

The good news is that you recognize and realize the problem. Try relaxing a different way. If you find yourself going nuts without a drink it might be time to get some help for that.

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother and all of the negativity surrounding your life. Isn't it just great when everything seems to fall on your shoulders at once and you can't get out of your rut?

Good luck to you. Take care of yourself, keep an eye on your drinking, reach out to the people who love you most in this world.

Answer 3

I won't say I know how you feel, but I lost a much beloved son. Alcohol is a depressant, so that's not the answer. You have a lot of pent up anger and grief inside. Try watching some sad movies and let the tears flow. (Sweet November is a tear jerker).The anger will take awhile longer, but is hurting only you. It's natural to lash out at others when you're dealing with this trauma, but help yourself over the worst of it. And think how your brother would want you to act. Good luck. Find a Victim's Assistance group.

Answer 4

It sounds like some early stages of alcoholism. If you don't do anything about it things could spiral out of control for you. My best friend died at 20 (I was 19) and I started drinking heavily as well (yes, underage). What helped for me was taking up kickboxing. I was able to work out a lot of aggression and, because I felt healthy doing all that exercise, I didn't want to drink so much. My suggestion for you is to take the opportunity to talk to someone so that you can let off some steam. All the funeral arrangements sounds like a lot of responsibility for one person and even if you handled it well it does not mean you weren't and still aren't stressed out. Take some time just for you and take care of yourself with warm baths, long walks, or whatever will help you relax.

I'm truly sorry for your loss and hope you get through this tough time!

Answer 5

Its not alcoholism, its the grief. But it would be really useful if you could find a good grief councellor to talk to. You haven't had the chance to do that yet and you need it ... like yesterday. I hope you can find someone soon.