My ex-husband lived in another state with our 14 year old daughter. He moved due to job reasons. I left my job and went back to take care of our 14 year old daughter.
His mother lives a few miles away and was helping to take care of her.
I tried to convince my child to come back and live with me. She did not agree. I could not take her out of the state without a court order.
So, I came back to the state where I live.
I saw that I was not able to make much difference in my child's life. My ex-mother-in-law was interfering too much in how I did things in the house and with her. My ex-husband was putting pressure on me to help him sell things from the house and the house itself. I gave him the house in the divorce.
Now my ex-husband sent my mother an e-mail saying the she did not raise my right and the I am a failure and mental case. He forgets that he is abusive, controlling and money-minded. I feel bad because I could not adjust to the situation.
2007-03-05 05:49:44 · 12 answers · asked by Stareyes 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is not your fault at all and i do not feel that you were wrong to leave the situation you were in as it was abusive and not good for you at all. I feel you do need to get a good attorney and go and fight for custody of your daughter. At least some visitation rights to her if at all possible. You are NOT a mental case or a failure at all. This is wrong of him to be saying this about you at all and I hope he is not telling your daughter all of this. If he is telling your daughter this this is just not right. your daughter is old enough to choose who she wants to live with. Is she open to visiting with you at all? You will also need counseling and or therapy for help for you to get past the pain of all of this abuse and manipulation you have had to endure and live through. I also suggest you go to http://www.drphil.com and email him for help in this matter as well. I think he will be of great help to and for you! Try writing your daugther a letter and calling her once in a while just to stay in touch. I am here if you need someone to talk to and here comes lots of hugs your way today. I can feel your pain.
I feel that you were right in leaving the abusive situation you were in. To me you are a hero and a survivor and a very strong woman. I dont know if i could have lived with what you have been through. Keep your chin up and move on with your life.
2007-03-05 06:17:36 · answer #1 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you probably could benefit from some counselling. Both to see if with help you could stand up for yourself against your mother-in-law and ex-husband, and be a more positive influence in your daughter's life. It sounds as if you suffer from battered wife syndrom and you could benefit from some counselling to come to terms with this and grow past it. Second, talk to a good attorney and find out what rights you have in this situation, call your local Bar Association or Lawyer's Association to get a referral to a reputable attorney knowledgeable in this area. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-03-05 13:57:11 · answer #2 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry that it did not work out for you. It is a shame that your daughter did not want to come back with you. However, she is at an age where she would be listened to by a judge making a decision on custody. So, I think you did the right thing. Just make sure you keep in touch and let her know that your door is always open for her.
2007-03-05 14:28:24 · answer #3 · answered by ruthdiana2000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I think you both are interesting cases.
You try to take his daughter from him, to another state. Not a loving move mom.
He tells your mom you are a nut job.
If this guy is really abusive, why does he have the child?
Sorry, I'm not buying everything you are selling here.
But to answer your question, I do think you were wrong to leave. What sort of message did you send to your daughter by giving up on being with her because if it was too hard for you, and/or you didn't get your own way.
Look, stop looking at his behavior, regardless how bad you think it is, and focus on yourself, such as why you gave up, or perhaps why, if this guy is so bad, did you choose him?
Focus on transforming yourself into a woman you daughter would gladly move to live with.
2007-03-05 14:01:01 · answer #4 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dear,
Don't let what he is saying about you destroy you! I can't say you made a mistake, you did what you thought was best at the time. Your daughter is going to love you no matter what. If your spouse tries to poison her mind towards you, it will probably backfire on him in the end. Just keep your head up and continue loving your child, she is what matters most. Never, never, let anyone tell you you are worthless. I know that God has created everyone wonderfully and that includes you!
2007-03-05 14:05:24 · answer #5 · answered by babybuds 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would never leave my child. NEVER. You need to go back so that you can be a part of your daughters life. She is 14 so you only have to deal with it for 4 more years. Take your daughter to your house so that you don't have to see your ex mil or ex husband.
Good luck!
2007-03-05 13:54:43 · answer #6 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's a jerk... He had no business emailing your mother saying those bad things to her about her and about you... It sounds like you put in a lot of effort and you even gave him the house...Hope your situation gets better... Hope you find people that appreciate you...
About your daughter.. I was closer to my dad when I was a teen because he was easier on me... then when I grew up, I went back closer to my mother...
2007-03-05 13:56:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont feel bad, as long as u tried ur best then its ok. ABD THINGS HAPPEN FOR A GOOD REASON IN THE END. just make sure u keep in touch with ur daughter and let her know that nething she deends u will be there for her. Help her trust u and confide in u. u will always be her mother u held her for 9 months GOOD LUK
2007-03-05 13:54:47 · answer #8 · answered by Lexis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And what if you are a mental case???? Its not illegal to have things alittle miswired? Reasure your duaghter that you love her. Pick up the peices of your beautiful live and forge on. Theres always going to be a part of us that hurts and wants to second guess ourselves, thats actually healthy! Move foward, love your family, and otherwise dont look back. Whats done is done and now you'v got the rest of your life to spend becoming happier! love ya!
p.s. f@ck her
2007-03-05 13:58:22 · answer #9 · answered by someoldguy77 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well that is why he is your ex just stay away from him he probably is doing the same to your 14 year old and now only time will tell he is shifting things to make you look bad so people will forget what he has done to you, just stay away from him.
2007-03-05 13:54:04 · answer #10 · answered by Mary O 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋