I have been with my boyfrien for 2 years and nothing is like it used to be. We live together now. I love him but there is no romance anymore. Will it heat back up?
2007-03-05 05:35:33 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
My answer is yes and no.
No, because after the initial "love juice" wears off, your relationship evolves into something that is calmer. Scientists say that it takes anywhere from 9 months to 2 years for the "juice" to wear off.
http://science.howstuffworks.com/love7.htm (quick summary)
Yes, because I've been married for almost 3 years, and before we were married we lived together for a year and dated for 2. We've had stretches of pure bliss and cuddliness and stretches of ho-hum-ness.
I've learned that you just ride out the ho-hum times because then the good times come back.
BUT you also have to work more for the passion. There are lots of things to do to do this, but what has worked for my husband and I is getting out of the house and going on a real date, where we dress up for each other, do something really romantic, and generally act like we're dating.
Also I think space helps. Hanging out w/ your friends separately, etc. helps to appreciate each other more when you're together. IF you start taking each other for granted, you both feel bored and underappreciated.
Finally, I've noticed that once you live together, mundane household stuff becomes a shared topic of conversation. So you get into this "you have to do this, I did that" mentality...where you are caught up in administrative stuff. We made a rule that we only talk about it at a certain time of day, AFTER we've had fun and hung out and stuff. So we don't become boring old roommates or nag at each other.
The best thing to do is talk to him about how you're feeling and come up with a solution that works for you both. :)
Good luck!
PS - It also heated back up when we got engaged and when we were newlyweds and any time we go on vacation, so anything exciting and new seems to do the trick!
2007-03-05 05:44:03 · answer #1 · answered by leos_mama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey, it's not like central air, the heat doesn't come back automatically. You have to put some effort into it. Surprise him with something that you wouldn't do but he would like. When he comes home from work or whatever have something really sexy on... me and my man has been together for 2 years and we somehow manage to keep the fire going. We got a room last weekend and we bought some costumes, sipped on some champagne, and did what came naturally. Being spontaneous helps. I know this might sound selfish, but if you don't satisfy a man to a certain extent, he'll eventually will look elsewhere for some satisfaction, and that's just how it is. When I had my baby we were challenged because we couldn't have sex for 6wks. So we still played around a lil bit without the intercourse so he could have some kinda pleasure. But just keep it spicy and sexy and you won't go wrong. Don't be afraid to explore the unknown.
2007-03-05 05:46:44 · answer #2 · answered by Dr. PHILlis (in training) 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How about recreating your dating? Pick a "date" night (thursday) and go out to dinner. Or pick a picnic basket and have a picnic in the bedroom (cheese, crackers, grapes, a little wine) and feed each other. Create a spa night - Give each other a massage, complete with hot oil from head to toe. Tuck little notes into his jacket pocket or lunch, they don't even need to be suggestive, just let him know your thinking of him or love him, or like his blue eyes, or his cute butt (that kind of stuff). It will make him smile and feel warm all over. After a few of these things on your part, he will probably get the hint and do some things for you and even if not you get the joy of treating your guy like a king. Any relationship that is long lasting is going to have the ups and downs, and any relationship worth working for is worth putting your effort into. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-03-05 05:53:27 · answer #3 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question is not will it heat back up because the answer is NO. Your question should be how do we heat it back up? what we fail to realize sometimes is that love is not as unconditional as we would like it to be. When we become attracted to someone and fall in love there are certain elements that cause us to fall in love...it's these very same elements that will keep us in love. Everything from the way you romanced each other, the times you got sexy just because you knew he was coming over, the way you watched your weight as not to put on the extra pounds all these things have to remain in bounds to keep the sparks flying. and its vice versa for the men also. especially when you live together you eventually become so comfortable that we begin to take these things for granted...I have been dating a guy for 9 years. We have a combined family of 4 children. 3 i had from a previous marriage and one we have together. We constantly make time for each other. i still get sexy for him. i work out especially when the nice summer months roll around so that when we walk the streets he can be proved of me on his arm and i can be proud of me also. some nights we get absolutely no sleep because we put the kids to bed and stay up romancing talking. what i'm saying is no matter how much things change you guys have to remember what caused you t fall in love with one another and realize it's some of the very things that will keep you in love and keep the fire burning... for instance every once in a while i go out buy a nice little outfit (nothing expensive), even go as far to buy wigs and we have fun! Your relationship is not doomed, you just have to wake it up and keep it alive... i garuntee you and your man have the power to fall madly in love with each other again. and the fire! it never has to die! trust me there's nothing harder then keeping things alive after pregnancy and children..if i can do it girl so can you...take the initative to make the first step towards rekindling your relationship...and you don't need luck you've still got everything you had when you fell in love..just use it to say in love.
2007-03-05 07:09:10 · answer #4 · answered by weary minded 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The same thing happened to me but unfortunatly it never did heat up again. I think u need to talk to him about it and try to make him understand that this is hurting u. If it is meant to be I reckon that u both will be able to relight that old flame once again. I wish u all the best, I hope u can succeed where I have once failed...
2007-03-05 05:40:29 · answer #5 · answered by Point 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Truthfully, it could go both ways. Sometimes you just hit a rut and others, the feelings are just lost. Try adding some spice to your relationship, like naughty notes, romantics evenings at home, be more sexually aggressive, etc. See if that helps bring it back. If it doesn't, maybe it's time to move on.
2007-03-05 05:39:22 · answer #6 · answered by georgiarose_01 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It can heat it up, but the two of you need to light the match.
Do something romantic and out of the ordinary. Have fun, play new games. Shock each other, be daring, laugh.
Go for it!
2007-03-05 05:40:29 · answer #7 · answered by why 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you both are willing to give it some spark somehow, it can and will heat back up. Talk with him about it before it's too late.
2007-03-05 05:38:56 · answer #8 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
theres a high chance it wont heat back up. wat u can do is talk about it stating that there is no heat and try ur hardest and after that if its still cold then the only thing left to do is end relationship for a while or finall
2007-03-05 05:39:20 · answer #9 · answered by Lexis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when the flame goes out,even napalm won't get it going again
2007-03-05 05:38:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋