Having separate accounts when your married.?

Question

My husband recently withdrew money from our joint account and opened an account in his name that I have no access to. He encouraged me to do the same. He says this is normal, but I don't think its a good idea.We've had problems recently, and he is the only one working. I feel very vulnerable with this...especially right now. Any advice? Is it normal to have seperate accounts? He has wanted to this for a while.

Just to be fair, I did open an account last week in my name, but with the impression that he would be adding his name when he got off work. Now he doesn't want that. He said he agreed to it so I would open one.

The reason I'm not employed is I'm suffering from a medical condition that causes extreem pain. I do some work when I'm able, but can't do much beyond taking care of my kids

Answer 1

My mom told me that if you seperate your money then you have no marriage, it is just a room mate situation. Everything in marriage should be joint.

Answer 2

It can be normal if this is how it was from the start. If you are not working and don't have funds to deposit, I wouldn't recommend it. You are a family and should be doing finances together, regardless of separate accounts or not. Some people with both partners working pay separate bills, and that's how it works for them. But it is unusual if one is not working.

If he is opening a savings account that is not used, I would say this is also normal. My husband and I have a joint account together that we pay household bills and our mortgage from, and also have separate savings accounts. These accounts are only accessed by who has the account, but in saying that, we can also view each others accounts online. He works and I don't. Hope this helps!!

Just noticed your added details: I congratulate you for being able to stay home with your kids. This is a very important JOB that people do not realize. The only difference between someone who stays at home with the kids, and the person who works out of the home is wage. The fact of it is, is the one who stays home gets more rewards and recognition, but no money. I say it is worth every penny that you don't get! Take care! I am sorry to hear of your condition.

Answer 3

My husband and have a joint account, and he has HIS account, but the two are connected. This was actually my idea because he is SO horrible with his money that I didn't want him overdrawng OUR account because he can't handle keeping track of his spending. Keep in mind, I only work like 13 hrs a week so he is the main bread-winner. This way, he has how own account for his personal spending. And I use our joint account for mine, as I am much more responsible with money than he is.

I can see that it would make you feel vulnerable since you currently are not working. I wouldn't worry about it too much, UNLESS he is exhibiting other behavior that throws up some red flags. Then I would bring it up. You don't want him to be keeping secrets from you, of course.

I actually prefer the arrangement that my husband and I have because then I don't have to worry about him overdrawing OUR account, which is the account that all the bills get paid from. But, I also have access to his account online because they are connected so I see every transaction he makes.

Answer 4

While it's a solution that some couples employ, it is not "normal". A great majority of couples that I have personally known have joint accounts, ESPECIALLY if the wife is not working. Did your husband withdraw a significant amount into his own account? Perhaps he just wants some "play money" - I don't know if you've been nagging on him about spending money on things you deem unimportant, but that are important to him. Perhaps he doesn't want you to be on him about ever dollar he spends. If opening a separate account is his solution, then I would talk to him and ask that the same arrangement is made for you, and an equal amount of money be put away in your personal account. Work out what amount monthly will go to your personal accounts - with the majority of the money going into your joint acct. Having a little bit of money of your own that can be spent with no questions asked might not be a bad idea, it will give you both some breathing room.

Answer 5

The past three years with my husband, I've always had an account. Until our recent move to another state, we now share the same account. I don't like it how we share accounts, since I can't even access the acount online. With my previous account, we both had access, to my account. Now days he prefers to share accounts...I hate it.

I would highly encourage you to open a seperate account. Little by little add more money to your own seperate account. Then over time find something or some way to earn your own financial means. Yes it may be difficult, it would be better for you in the long run. Especially if you both have kids together.

Responding to someone elses response, saying that he may be cheating. The one way you can check on his purchases, is by checking the montly letter, that is mailed to you. If he does not want you to look at the mail, I would find that very fishy.

Answer 6

well, believe it or not it is very normal for today's day and age.Me and my wife both have our own accounts and do not have each other on those accounts.We separated the bills and each pay our portion of them.Its much easier to keep track of spending when one person is the only one putting it in and taking it out.
I suggest that he give you the exacts as to what each account is to be used for and how much is going to be put into your account each month.
Also, As soon as you can I would suggest that you get a job so you can add to your own account to be more certain you are covered.Even if you have young children and are a stay at home mom you can work part time a few days a week in the evenings or something like watch kids after school for people till they get home.My sister does it and makes a couple hundred bucks a week. Not bad for the time put in.
Good luck!

Answer 7

You have got to start taking care of your own financial needs. If there is a divorce or other problem in the future, you do not want to be left without any money.
My husband and I had a joint account, but after briefly separating, decided to have separate accounts. This way neither one of us is left with nothing.
Did your husband offer to give you money for a separate account? If not, is he encouraging you to get a job? Is he planning on separating from you? These are all questions you need to get in-depth information on.

Answer 8

We have always had a joint account because we need both our salaries to pay our bills. But I have some friends who have separate accounts, their husband pays all the bills and their money is to spend on clothes and travel. I was advised to get a separate account when I started receiving money from a trust, but I'm not sure I know why. We have always had a joint account and I am the one who handles all the money and bills. It sounds like your husband may have a reason to want separate accounts all of a sudden.

Answer 9

Honestly, yes, it is very normal to have seperate accts when you're married. Everyone I know has sep accts. I think it's more of a comfort issue, nothing to be paranoid over. I would get sep accts to if I was married. If you guys are having problems, that would be a seperate issue that may or may not be worked out. It can make one feel vulnerable if they aren't familiar with the idea or the reasons behind the other doing it to start with. But yes, it's what a lot of people do =)

Answer 10

To have or not to have different accounts is entirely up to each couple.

The problem is, that it seems he is trying to have privacy from you when managing some of his money. This should bring concern, as there are no secrets in matrimony, so why is he doing this?

I think is ok to have separate accounts if any of you want to have some money saved for personal use, like saving for a new sports car, or for a boat, or whatever hobby he might want to have. Still, you should have access to the account, or at least have the right to know what is going on if you ask him. If he doesn’t want to tell, you have issues in your matrimony.

When you two signed the paper, and said “I do”, you not only agreed to love and care for each other, but also signed a commitment to never lie or hide anything from each other.

You should tell him that, and if he wants a separate account, let him, but make it clear that if you ever want to know what is he doing with the money, you have the right to know, because like it or not, is not his money, is yours, as yours and his together. No matter if is from his job, your job, or both together. When money comes in to the matrimony, that money belongs to both of you, not just one.

Otherwise, why did you get married for to start with?

You have big issues to discuss with your husband. The bad thing is that as you said, you are not currently working, so he can use that on his advantage to defend his “point”. Still, is not right to hide anything. If he doesn’t get it, or don’t want to pay attention to what you have to say, then I have bad news for you: your matrimony is not stable and might never be, and worse, end up in a brake up sooner than you think.

Take action.

Good luck (and try to find a job to be in a better position to ask your husband).

Answer 11

I believe that if the marriage was not in danger then argue that one account is needed. But due to the fact he did this without asking you or you agreeing upon it then I would start saving for a rainy day. BUT it does not matter who's who account if a divorce comes then all of the accounts are split even his and yours so if I was you I would open an account in a family members name that has nothing to do with you. That account can not be touched and do not tell him about it.