When is it time to let go?

Question

I've been asking different questions as too if your spouses do the silent treatment type of thing to you and if so for how long.

Well, my husband finally broke the silence and told me what was going on. The song "I know she still loves me, but I don't think she likes me anymore" comes to mind. He says he loves me and doesn't want a divorce but that he isn't happy in this marriage. He's thinking of moving out for a while to do some soul searching.

He says I have became too dependent on him and that he wants me to stand on my own two feet if he has to force me to do it. (I was already in the process of getting a full time job before this stuff even started!) I mentioned to him that he told me when we had our daughter he wanted me home with her and that I already intended to improve myself now that she is school age.

He says he stays out with his friends all the time because they talk to him and I won't. The thing is...he doesn't talk either. I try to make idle chit chat!

We have been married for 6 years and I think we have just became comfortable with eachother to the point that he is now bored with me.

When I asked him why he fell in love with me he said he didn't know. That for some reason he just wanted to marry me and he had never felt that way before. He never thought he would get married.

I still love him and I want our marriage to work out. However, if he is so unhappy with me...should I let him go so that he can figure out what he wants? Or should I fight hard and not let him leave for our 5 yr old daughter's sake?

To Cameltoe, you're wrong sir. I do enjoy sex and recently I have been the one that starts it.

He does complain that I'm not sexual enough (If I'm not ripping his clothes of more than 3 times a week then he will say I don't love him) But the thing is, I feel like that is the only thing he does care about now. The only time he can make it home before 11PM is if he is horny and hoping to score.

I would gladly have sex more often, but I want a husband...not a John calling on me when he can sneak in for one.

Answer 1

Let him know how you feel about him going, but let him go. If you don't he will always be thinking about it. Sometimes you need to lose something to know just how much you love it. Or maybe really don't.

If you don't want to go this route then push for the counseling. Sometimes people just need a 3rd party to make things more clear.

Answer 2

I think it is odd that he thinks you have become too dependent on him and he wants you to stand on your own two feet. Most men are proud to have their wives at home raising the children and taking care of the home. It really makes me question him and what he is up to. You might read The Proper Care of Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura to see if there is anything you can improve on but I honestly do not think this is your problem. It just doesn't sound like a man who is proud that he provides and cares for his family. As well you didn't marry on a vow "until you get bored." He needs to work on getting the spark back as much as you do. It sounds like you have been a great mother and wife and that is something he should be proud of. Perhaps he needs some more fireworks in the bedroom so you might see how you can wow him there.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Unfortunately he may have other interest outside of your marriage. He is trying to pass the buck and put it all on you,old game!

Your marriage is already in trouble if you do not communicate and idle chit chat is for strangers standing in line somewhere.

Let him go,if it's bad now it will get worse and your child does not need to be around that at all.

Get your support system together family,friends,church and find a job,make sure he pays child support and in time you'll see a different world that you will probably enjoy.

Good luck and live life to the fullest.

Answer 4

Personally, I think the whole "moving out to get to know myself" is a line of bull. If he wants to move out, you two need to divorce.

I agree with the bedroom problem though. Men are pretty simple creatures. They spend their day working and when they get home they want some affection. I'm not saying any sexual problem is your fault. If he excited you you'd want to return the favor. It's not an easy situation, but men need to be physically loved, not just told they are loved.

Answer 5

It sounds like he wants his freedom more than anything. It doesn't sound like he wants to make you stand on your own two feet. As a matter of fact, it almost sounds like he's interested in someone else. Guys lose the will to work things out (and so do women) when someone else is there to capture their interest. You may want to check up on that possibility.

If you're already taking steps to be more independent, there's something else wrong.

Answer 6

Seek marriage counseling and know for sure whether you need to go separate ways. Your husband is throwing the blame on you for his bad behavior of staying out with friends and not being a father. He could be spending time with his daughter instead of his friends even if he doesn't get along with you.

Good luck.

Answer 7

i think you should move somewhere away from him and see if he really misses you and will come after you, then maybe he will realize what he had. move to a relatives house or try to get public housing. get away for awhile maybe he'll miss you and his daughter. maybe he was not ready for family. maybe he's seeing someone else. He should try to include you in his life with his friends. Try that wife swap show. maybe..idon't know. but 6 years is a long time. i hope the best for you. its hard for u to know what to do i'm sure you love him.

Answer 8

let's cut to the chase.. 90% of the time, when men say they are unhappy and want you to be more independant, it's about the bedroom. I will bet that you don't like to intitiate sex, that you expect him to do everything while you just lie there... When was the las time you just unzipped him out of the blue and gave him some oral pleasure, just for the fun of it? Whn was the last time you threw him on the bed, climbed on board and went for a ride?

Admit it - I have your situation pegged.

Answer 9

Let him go and take care of yourself and your daughter. Let him find out that after all is said and done, you don't need him as much as he thought you did.

Answer 10

I agree with "Martin P"