After 5 months together I found out that he lied to me about some pretty major things. This has caused a great deal of pain and mistrust in our relationship, but we have both agreed to stay and work through it. The problem is, I am still hurting and don't feel that he has done enough to make up for what he did. What do I expect? I thought he would go the extra mile in trying to repair what was done. Instead he has been distant and acts as if he has given up on us.
When I have broken up w/him, he insisted that he loves me and will earn my trust back. He also insists that there is no one else. He has just returned from Iraq to make matters more complicated, and we have had to make even more adjustments because of that.
Also, though it wouldn't have changed things (except to make me feel better) there should have been some sort of grand "I'm sorry" gesture, ie. a trip away, a large bouquet of flowers, something that says, "Hey I messed up but I'm still crazy about you.
2007-03-05 05:09:46 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I'm really sorry that you and your boyfriend are having this problem. I hope that his being in Iraq hasn't goofed up his ability to communicate with you. If he lied about some pretty major things he should go the extra mile to convince you he is sincere. I hope you can work through this but if you can't you need to move on with your life. Life is too short to be miserable.
2007-03-05 05:16:51 · answer #1 · answered by howard 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand the waiting for the grand gesture, but it will probably never come. I think guys just think differently and will show their love in other ways. If you agree to give it another chance then you need to start over, let everything go, but don't repeat the same mistakes if he lies again. Or you can just tell him that you were expecting something from him and you didn't get it. It might give him a cue to open up, as some guys have a hard time doing. He could feel ashamed of what's happened and just wants it to be back to normal, so he's pretending like nothing happened. Don't be shy to tell him how you feel, but don't go into the convo attacking him because he will just clam up more.
2007-03-05 13:22:47 · answer #2 · answered by ○•○•Cassie•○•○ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if you are expecting gestures that just aren't coming natural to your boyfriend. If he is not usually a flowers or special gesture kind of guy, don't expect it. If you both are serious about trying to make the relationship work you will need to be more clear in your communications. Instead of saying you expect a gesture to show his apology, why not suggest that the two of you go away as a symbol of starting fresh. Also, you may want to think about couples counselling. Your boyfriend dealt with things in Iraq that the rest of us cannot even imagine. You will both need to learn to deal with this. You could call your or his health insurance provider to see if they could recommend someone. Also, the local health department sometimes has mental health counselors - couples counseling or individual counseling would fall under this area, (especially for someone returning from Iraq). Your boyfriend also needs to realize that he does need to earn your trust again, and if he isn't then you both need to rethink your committment. Please thank your boyfriend for his service to his country and his people for me. I sincerely appreciate every single soldier and their efforts. Good luck and God Bless.
2007-03-05 13:49:05 · answer #3 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I think we all to some degree KNOW If we'r going to be happy with someone or not! Are you happy, if so stay with him. If you not, stand up be strong, show self respect, and tell him.....sorry but with everything thats happened( or for that matter nothing at all, I mean theres no rule saying you have to date him) I'm just not intersted in dating you anymore.
2007-03-05 13:18:36 · answer #4 · answered by someoldguy77 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly once the trust is broken, there's really nowhere to go but down hill. the relationship may last for a while but the odds are that it wont be a happy one. it's in your best interests to leave him and move on with your life. once you get too deep in, it will be harder for you to leave.
2007-03-05 13:27:08 · answer #5 · answered by jazzy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋