I have written in before about my marriage problems, and I'm still not ready to make a permanent decision yet. We will be married 30 years next month! He didn't used to be this way, I still keep remembering back the way things used to be between us, and try to hang onto those thoughts, and that gives me some peace, and tell myself that we have survived much more than this before, and I can't picture myself with anyone else, and I don't want to picture him with anyone else, so you would think I have my answer wouldn't you? Only if it were that simple. I guess i'm afraid to talk to him, cause I'm afraid that he will start arguing with me again, and I can't take anymore stress, but I'm afraid that if I wait much later we will never be able to work things out! I wish I knew how he felt, and that he could tell someone mutual between us, so that I wouldn't have to be afraid. I know I sound like a coward, and I used to be so strong, but this emotional stuff between me and him just drained me!
2007-03-05 04:32:05 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Confront him dig up every bit of strenght you have within yourself and talk to him as long as there is no phsyical abuse work it out with your man, helpmate. He is the one God gave to you. 30 years is a long to time to just throw away a love so strong. Keep on riminding yourself of the good time that may help u summon up the strenght to confront him.
2007-03-05 04:59:17 · answer #1 · answered by chyna 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may have every right to be afraid if you are dealing with someone who has the potential to be abusive. Thats never good. You honestly care for this man so naturally you feel like you still want him. You must try to open up more effective means of communication. Try and catch him when he is in the best of moods and tell him how you honestly feel. How would he respond to the words "I am leaving". It may be necessary to consult with a threrapist. Keep on imagining the way it was because thats the picture you want to create sometime in the future. No one should HAVE to feel as you do. If the relationship sounds as important to you as you make it sound its worth fighting for. Good Luck
2007-03-05 04:38:52 · answer #2 · answered by Devdude 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How are you talking to him? My Friend Who Is Not Me has a similar situation with his wife where she sets up these little inquisitions and blamefests and then wonders why these lead to arguments. Is he truly abusing you "emotionally" or is he reacting to judgement and criticism?
It is always good to get a qualified third person to help with this situation. You need to be open minded about this and consider what this person says even if it is disagreeable to you. Same goes for your husband. If you go to church, you can usually get help there, if not, there are other places. It sounds like you need someone outside the situation who can see the whole picture. A marriage of thirty years is worth this effort.
P.S. Congratulations on a marriage of thirty years in the first place. These are becoming increasingly rare.
I wish you well!
2007-03-05 04:44:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to tell you but I think your man is cheating on you. And why do you blame yourself. What wrong with you?I use to be afraid of my husband too. Any thing I say he jump at me or jump to me. After the years I figure him out, He was cheating all the time. And now my husband lives with a other women. And don't think it's not happen to you, come on now. My husband wants to come back I won't let him. For the simple fact that he a cheater, a lire, it was to hard to talk to him.I was always stressed out to know end. A enough is enough. I got educated, I started reading Dr. Laura C. Schlessinger has some really good books, you might want to check one out. She also has a web-site. Wake up. You got your eyes wide shut.
2007-03-05 08:01:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get the courage and talk to him what is the worst that will happen that has already not happened to you.His words are bigger then his bite ask him to go get counsling no one should live in an unhappy marriage i got out of them its not worth the stress and agony and the hurt i was so stressed i had chest pains and i am with a man that i love more then anything and the best thing about it is we got married and i feel more relaxed with him and i can talk with him and tell him whats on my mind, and its all good and you can find that happiness also if he is not happy and your not happy just have a trial seperation and see what happens
2007-03-05 05:34:02 · answer #5 · answered by Mary O 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have been married a long, long time and old habits are hard to break. It sounds like your husband has shut down on you emotionally. You probably need to see a marriage counselor to get the relationship back on track. But he doesn't sound very open to that sort of thing. So it comes down to what are you willing to live with? Are you willing to live with your husband unhappily for the rest of your life? If not, you should leave him. Maybe the risk of losing you forever will jolt him out of his coma and motivate him to see a therapist with you. Good luck to both of you.
2007-03-05 04:37:37 · answer #6 · answered by true blue 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think of it rather is approximately you no longer loving your self and feeling unworthy. you do no longer think of you should be enjoyed or enjoyed, so which you include the abuse instead. i'm no longer a psychologist, yet i could recommend you get some style of scientific care. choosing to stay in an abusive difficulty is a demonstration that something isn't somewhat stunning with you. It does not remember what absolutely everyone says to you in reaction on your question, the respond lies interior of you. Why you have stayed in that difficulty, i would be unable to fathom. he's what he's. If he needs to chnage then he has to go with if he will settle for scientific care. The scientific care could desire to be so you might comprehend WHY you enable those issues to happen to you. in case you experience it rather is the variety you decide on for to stay your existence, then no could desire to ask absolutely everyone's opinion....you will stay nevertheless. in case you be responsive to the courting is poisonous and undesirable for toddlers, then you fairly will bypass away. The ball is on your court docket.
2016-09-30 05:44:58 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be able to say anythhing on your mind to him, but I know its not always that easy. Maybe there is something on his mind and its been there for a while, which is why it maybe hasn't always been like this. Men are difficult, they love you, but they can talk to you however they want, but i have the same problem, but I know we'll get through it. Don't hold anything in... it will make things 500 times worse....
GOOD LUCK AND GO WITH WHAT YOUR HEART TELLS YOU!
2007-03-05 04:38:23 · answer #8 · answered by Nicole C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, that`s not wrong at all. 30yrs is a long time to start wondering now. Talk it through with him. Your right on one point though, if you wait to long it could all slip away from you. Go out to dinner at your favorite place and spend some quality time together. It`ll be easier to discuss when your out and then you`ll have all your answers. GOOD LUCK!
2007-03-05 04:44:47 · answer #9 · answered by MISTY 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the best u can do now its to talk to him..even tho its gonna b hard for u, but ull never know how he is feeling without asking him and he will never know how ur feeling rite now without u telling him what u want and how u feel...just ask him out on a date go out enjoy each other and remeber the old"good times" tell him how mnuch u still in love with him and u want 2work things out btwn u 2. and then u say what u want things to change...dont waste Ntime. if u love him..go 4it.
2007-03-05 04:37:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋