In the past year my now ex husband had an affair, we divorced and now he is living with the other woman. Our son was introduced to this other woman 4 months after my ex left - they moved in together 4 months after that. I put him in counselling to help him deal with everything and he seems to be doing okay. He lives with me and visits his Dad every other weekend. When he is there I do not call him and I rarely hear from him (it is only 2 days). I do not want to interfere with his time with his Dad. This weekend he called me 4 times! From his comments (I do not ask about his weekends) I gathered that he spent a lot of time this weekend meeting the other woman's extended family. I have no problem with that. I am trying to figure out how it may have impacted him. I worry about him sometimes - he is only 9 and his world has changed so much in the past 11 months. Sometimes I feel like I cannot keep up - any ideas on how he is feeling?
2007-03-05 04:25:33 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all, I would like to commend you for the mature way that you are handling all of this. You seem to be focused on what's best for your child and not what's the best revenge for yourself.
I would imagine that your son is flooded with emotions right now. He may have had a good time, but feels guilty about it because it was with his fathers new family and it didn't include you. He may have not liked being with all of the strangers. Really, it could go either way with a child. Maybe you should ask him about how this weekend was for him. Just let him talk about it without any input from you.
Good luck!
2007-03-05 04:31:15 · answer #1 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is probably feeling a little anxious and nervous at the same time. Its great that you have him in counseling and you have a great head on your shoulders to have enough sense to allow him his time with his father.
AS long as you keep the lines of communication open with your son I'm sure he will tell you everything you need to know about how he is feeling. I realize you don't want to get too involved, but you are his mom and you can still ask questions that are not too pressing. Just ask him, "I heard you got to meet so and so's family, did you have a good time"? ARe they nice people?
Its ok to ask and to be concerned. You seem like a great mom because you have been doing what is in the best interest of your child, but there is probably a reason he called you 4 times this weekend, so you can pry a little to find out why..
2007-03-05 12:33:02 · answer #2 · answered by Deu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's feeling better than you are. I'm sorry you are in this situation. However, I was in the same situation, only my husband had divorced his wife before we met. He was a weekend dad to his 6 year old daughter. Her mother was afraid that she was going to be upset or hurt or resentful because of me being in their lives. Turns out that our "daughter" is a better person today because I called her mom when things were going on that we needed help with. Our daughter turned out having more people who loved her.
Talk to your ex about how you feel and let him know you are happy your son has more people that love him, but that you would like to meet her and establish some kind of relationship with her so at least you can talk and be in the same room together.
Best of luck to you!
2007-03-05 12:31:23 · answer #3 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through the identical thing with my divorce years ago with the exception that it was my wife that had the affair. Understand that kids are capable of much more than we give them credit for. My son was 9 1/2 and my daughter was 13. They had adjustments with the change in things, but they coped with it just fine. We as adults tend to over dramatize a little too much thinking that the kids are just as disturbed with the actions that caused the divorce as we are when in fact they actually aren't bothered by it as much. It's not that they don't really care, it's just that their priorities in life aren't the same as ours. Don't try to overanalyze every frown he has or odd comment he makes and you'll find he is going to be alright. The important thing for you to do is continue to remain civil with your ex and start finding a social life for yourself. Not all men do what your ex did and there are many good and trustworthy men that have been dealt the same infidelity that you have. As a plus, remember that you make a happier home for your son when you are happy in your own life.
2007-03-05 12:41:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to communicate with him. You need to ask him about his weekends at his dads. Not to interfere, but to see how he's feeling. If he has a good weekend and went to a park let him tell you and be happy for him. If he's been through something stressful, like meeting her whole family, let him talk to you about it. He will definitely need counselling if he doesn't have anyone he can talk to. It probably doesn't help that you don't call him when he's at his dads. It isn't interfering if you call at bed time to say goodnight, I love you. If a child can't talk to their parents, it will only cause problems for them later in life.
2007-03-05 12:34:05 · answer #5 · answered by QT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you need to pat yourself on the back for making your son a priority and considering how your child will deal with this.
Sit down and talk with him. Since he called you 4 times this weekend, he seems to want to talk.
I'm guessing your son will do fine. If dad still treats him like he is a significant part of his life and you continue to be on the lookout for signs of stress, he's way ahead of many kids of divorce. Good luck to you and congrats for handling this sad situation with such a cool head.
2007-03-05 12:31:24 · answer #6 · answered by katydid 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You want to know how he's feeling, you ask him. Putting him in counselling does not end the issue. Being a mother giving you duty to make sure everything is well with your kid, and how to do that? COMMUNICATE.
2007-03-05 12:34:18 · answer #7 · answered by Master M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids are stronger than you realise. It sounds to me that he isn't the one who has a problem with it..it sounds like you do and your are forcing your issues into your son.
2007-03-08 18:37:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
confused would probably be the prominent emotion he has right now. perhaps some anger which he may not show to anyone, depending on his personality. It sounds like you are doing all that you can to help him. hang in there.
2007-03-05 12:29:51 · answer #9 · answered by Nate 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I do not understand your question.
2007-03-05 12:30:53 · answer #10 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋