I'm 37 weeks pregnanct and my MIL smokes!!?

Question

I have a 2 year old and am preggo with #2. I think my son has developed allergies and I don't want him around her house since she smokes. She does go outside to do it, but throws away her cigarette butts in the trash in the kitchen. So, it reaks of smoke. She thinks that "clearing" your throat every morning is something that everyone does. Well, not me. Never smoked and don't intend to! She just doesn't realize that when you smoke, it's everywhere. So, now that I'm about to have another baby, I am very uneasy about her being around. My son has to go and stay woth her when I go into labor because my family lives 8 hours away. My son always seems to have these allergy problems worse when he comes back from her house. She also has a chocolate lab that stays in the house with her. i think it's nasty because it drools everywhere. What do I do? My husband doesn't think it's a big deal. But then again it's his mom. She always smoked around them...and he "clears" his throat every morning. HELP

Answer 1

I understand you wouldn't want smoking around your kids. I don't believe in that either. Just set some ground rules on that and explain your feelings. Don't cut her off completely. Also try to understand. It's not as easy as "just quit". For some people it's a really hard thing to quit. I've heard it said it's easier to get off a herion addiction that to stop smoking cigerettes. If she's thoughtful of you and you're thoughtful in turn of her then you should be able to work it out fine. Number 1 to consider for you both are the kids. Good luck.

Answer 2

Yep, I was with you until the dog comment also. I have 4 kids, a baby on the way and 2 dogs. I don't believe in outside dogs.

As for the smoking, I feel for you and good luck. Some people just never listen. My step kids had a lot of health problems and the doctor said that people needed to quit smoking around them. It took their mothers side over a year to quit smoking around them. My husband brought it up every week when they would come home smelling like an ashtray. There is really nothing you can do about what she does in her home. She probably thinks that since she is already smoking outside that she's doing good by the kids. Maybe try to find someone else who doesn't smoke to watch your son. Or do a search on the effects of second hand smoke, allergies, and the chemicals in the smell and show them to your husband. Try to make him see how important it is.

Answer 3

So it...smells a bit bad, and there's a bit of dog drool?

I'm not real clear on what the problem is.

"My husband doesn't think it's a big deal."

Thank heavens for the non-pregnant.

Really. You are blowing things out of proportion.

A little exposure to crap is good for children; it boosts immunity. I promise you your toddler isn't bothered by dog drool.

"She just doesn't realize that when you smoke, it's everywhere."

The smell is, yes, extremely strong if you don't smoke yourself.

It doesn't mean it's unhealthy, though, to just smell the existence of cigarette butts.

Unless you live in a very rural area and are using naught but organic everything, time to put this in perspective.

If it continues to bother you, just don't visit. Not a great way to maintain good relations, but. You certainly can't ask her to put her dog out or anything like that. She isn't a daycare you're paying for; she's a -- by the sounds of it -- _very_ normal grandmother.

Answer 4

I was with you up until the dog comment. Seriously.

They're your kids, so if you don't want them around cigarette smoke (as any concerned parent should agree) it's your prerogative. She can do what she want in her own home, so why not ask her to come to your home if you must have her watch him, and set the ground rules that no smoking will be tolerated?

Answer 5

You could request that she stay at your home while you are in the hospital.

This way your son is not in the dander house.

Just make it quite clear (let hubby do it) that there is NO smoking in your home...and the ash can is OUTSIDE....

if all else fails..lie to her...tell her your sons pediatrician says that he may have asthma and can't be around it...they haven't had a chance to test him thoroughly..but ..for now..you would appreciate her cooperation and love for him.

Answer 6

Is this your home?If it is you say what goes in and around your home.If not ask her to please keep it outside butts and all and wash your hands before touching anything especially the children.Good luck MILS always a pain.

Answer 7

It's YOUR home and YOUR children. Tell her straight up what you want, and that if she can't respect that, she doesn't need to see her grandkids. If she tries to give you excuses or won't respect your wishes, then she is not the kind of person you want your kids around. I commend you for your good morals.

Answer 8

I completely agree with you. Don't let her near the baby or your son until she kicks that disgusting habit!