What's normal?

Question

I recently read somewhere that if a man is totally into you, he doesn't even look at other women. Does this mean if your husband/bfriend does check out other women that he is not into you?? How do you draw the line, what is appropriate?

Answer 1

Uh, who wrote that article? A woman? Or a man who doesn't have the balls to admit to his wife he looks?

Ok. Secret here. We look. We may be totally into and love you and never want to leave you but we still look.

Let me ask you, if a cute guy walks into your office, you don't notice him?

Big shoulders & chest, chisled jaw, tight but, and you don't check him out in the corner of your eye?

Com'on. Ok. If there is wide eyed oogling, drooling and foot stopping, that's going a little too far. Going around telling all your coworkers how you'd like to get stuck in the elevator with her... That's a fantasy best kept private... But noticing another worman, even taking a good look is not inappropriate. Unless your with you GF or wife...

We are visual people. Much of the input into our brains is visual. Just because we are into you doesn't mean we are dead or blind...

Yes, if we are into you then we shouldn't spend all morning thinking about what we'd like to do with/to the new receptionist...

But looking... Give us a break. Your only other choice is to put blinders on us like they do horses... And even that wouldn't stop us...

A~

Answer 2

That's not true. Even if a guy is in a committed relationship, doesn't mean he suddenly goes blind and ignores all the beautiful women around him. Same for women. We're designed as human beings to look at pretty things.

You need to figure out where YOU want the lines drawn. Find out what makes you uncomfortable and tell your hubby/boyfriend so he knows what he can and cannot do and ask him to do the same for you. For example, I have no problems with hubby looking, or even commenting that a certain woman has a nice body (heck, I'll be the first to admit I don't look like that), but if I ever catch him touching, he's a dead man. But I know it makes him feel uncomfortable if I comment on another man's body, so I don't do it (even though he's okay with me looking). I know a lot of women can't stand the thought of their man looking at another woman. Personally, I don't care because I know all he'll do is look.

Find what works for you and for him. What works for me might not work for you, and vice versa.

Answer 3

Hey! First off, what you read is obviously a love story in one of those "I live in a dream world" magazines like Cosmo or something. Stop it! Those things are meant to be read only by rich girls on the West Coast and will make all other real women feel inadaquate.

Second of all, men checking out other women is not significant enough to raise the alarm. I don't know where women heard that a man only has and should eyes for the one woman he is dating. I guess it's because women do that (only look at their men); but it's wrong! I'm a girl, am in a great relationship and still check out other men. Think of it as curiosity, eye candy, resting your eyes or whatever. It's the same for guys...they like to look at a beautiful woman and it's OK cos beautiful things should be acknowledged! BUT it is more HOW your man checks out women that matters. So I guess this brings me to you question of "where are the limits."

That is a very important point cos men are different from women when it comes to these things. Women can look and not touch while for most guys this is much harder to do. Men are weak (most men) so it really depends how well you know your man, if he can resist temptation or not (so it's your man you have to watch not the other women). Either way, my man checks out women all the time, but I know it's curiosity; at the end of the night he still thinks I am the most beautiful girl in the room (don't say nothing! :) ). But on the other hand, if your man is like salivating profusely, stops listening to you or even forgets you are there...yeah, then you have a problem...I suggest you slap him or pour beer on him! I am, however sure that things aren't that bad, right? So the lesser stage that should also alert you is if you are talking and he is secretly glancing over to some girl. In that case, be like "you think she's cute?" and if he says "NO" (or yes) you go like..."well, she looks pretty good to me! Would you do her?" That will completely shock him and he will probably restrain himself from glancing over again...if he responds YES to the last question, you should go like "Reall, you would do her? Well, see that guy by the bar drinking blah blah...I've been checking him out the entire night and I think he likes me...maybe we could invite your gal and my guy over to our house and see what happens." That would probably scare the bejesus out of him and will never do it again (even if he says yes, the chances of the other two people agreeing to it are minute...inthe worst case scenario, you can just throw a tantrum in front of everyone in the bar/restaurant like"you don;t love me, I'm not enough for you" and embarass him that way and still get out like a winner! Believe me I've done all of these suggestions with my exes and it always worked!).

So, to conclude: there are three types of glances, two of them are dangerous (these being the stare where he almost falls off the chair and the secret glances). The third type is the öpen glance" where he makes it obvious that he is looking at another women and is not hiding it from you. This one is harmless cos it's just curiosity (well, it can also mean another thing: he is completely indifferent to you, doesn't care about your emotions etc. BUT luckily, this does NOT occur in married couples and thanks to women's instincts, women feel when it starts happening...so, if you don't feel it, it's CURIOSITY!).

Sorry for the long elaboration, but I was trying to explain things. Hope it helped!

Answer 4

I don't think it could ever be true. Of course we all "check out" the members of the opposite sex. If he's "totally into you", then you will simply always be the winner in these comparisons, but to say that no comparison at all will take place is to be going too far, IMO. What is appropriate to one individual would not be appropriate to another, so where the line is drawn varies greatly. I don't expect my husband to never lay his eyes on another woman again, but I do expect him to be discreet, and not to ogle when we're together. What tells me he's "into me" is not whether or not he occasionally looks at other women, but that he enjoys my company and wants to be married to me.

Answer 5

I believe everyone enjoys the view of a beautiful person, regardless of how much in love you are. It's normal for the eye to be drawn to beauty.

Now, as for what's appropriate...if you spouse or girlfriend is with you and you start to drool over a woman that walks by, that is inappropriate. To casually look without being noticed, in my opinion, is human nature.

Answer 6

I must confess, even I am sometimes prompted to admire another woman for her beauty. And I turn my head and look. I am a straight female, too. Looking is acceptable and normal. It is gawking and drooling that burns me up. My man, is courteous, but not blind and I see him look and then he moves on. Usually, the sort of thing that he does after that is take me by the hand and walk away, with me close to him. I've seen guys look, keep looking, leering, and making comments in front of their woman about the one their gawking at. Then they laugh and keep on looking some more. I would have to draw the line on that stuff! Time to fight! It is indeed uncalled for, unappreciated, uncool, and undermining to a relationship. Now one guy who looks casually, as I do, and then moves on should be tolerated and not even worried about as a threat. He is in to you if he acts that way or any way similar, showing your feelings do count and by his actions, protecting them from unnecessary pain. He shows respect. The other example does not! Chances are, he's into you, and you, and you, and you...etc., etc., etc.. Thats my way of looking at it! I've been married to my man for 18 years and I have never needed to worry about his devotion to me.

Answer 7

All men check out women, but a boy friend should know not to do it while he is with you.

Answer 8

My husband says that he don't look but I am sure that he does. I don't mind it so much when I am not with him. I don't think that guys should look when they are with you or at least don't let you know that they are looking. I also think it depends where you are at (club, restuart)

Answer 9

thats bull even if hes married he still has balls n if he sees someone atractive he might just look but at the end of the day if all he did was look be thankful that it was once and that u still hav ur guy

Answer 10

Men are visual and they are going to look. Don't freak out on that. As long as they don't touch all is good.

Good luck!