My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and we want to be together badly. and if we have a good day we weill have the most optimistic attitudes about life. but if one of us questions the smallest detail of our relationship we tend to dwell on it. and get stuck, it seems like every other week we end of tryin to decided if we should eb together. last week he wanted marriage last night he didnt. we are lost and confused, and we both want couples therapy but neither of us has medical insurance yet. so we must wait. but in the meanwhile, what are tactics or ways to stay focused and positive. we are all each other has.! i need advice. help.
2007-03-05 03:52:46 · 20 answers · asked by Desire` 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You've been together for only a year and already have issues bad enough to warrant therapy?? Maybe you both should take a break from each other to decide if it's worth continuing your relationship. A break would be a few months, at least.
2007-03-05 03:56:59 · answer #1 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best advice based upon what you've stated here is not to commit to getting married until all doubts are gone. Couples therapy is going to give you the same advice. Also understand that the little things in a relationship should be left outside the door - like you get up groucy, you don't close your mouth when you chew, you clip your fingernails on the couch, etc. Those sort of things you should learn to accept from each other since we are all so perfect in our own eyes when in reality we are all flawed. The important things like, where are we going to live, do we both want children right away, is he going to accept me having male friends, are we going to share the housework, will he take care of me if I become sick or disabled and will he still love and desire me if I gain 40 pounds? If you can get and give honest answers to the important questions and agree then you are looking at a solid future together. Don't commit to anything until you know each other's honest feelings about the important things. Spend 95% of your quality time talking and 5% in the bedroom and you'll know each other well enough to make serious decisions.
2007-03-05 12:09:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Neither of you are ready to get married yet. Even though your are not covered for counselling there are other ways to get counselling on a limited budget. Do you attend a church? Churches often offer counselling free or nearly free also, check your community services often you can get counselling at a reduced cost. You need to have several things for a successful marriage, love, trust, respect, friendship, commitment, communication, and honesty. You need to talk about what your goals and dreams are in life. Talk about things that are important to you in life and in relationships. Don't rush into marriage, it won't solve your problems.
2007-03-05 12:03:40 · answer #3 · answered by QT 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
U guys are just heading the wrong direction,and thinking the wrong thing!pls turn around before the relationship goes down the drain.First of all you guys should not dwell on the negative things that the relationship has gone thru/NEVER EVER.IF you want it to last.Bad things that hashappen just let it happen.Dont think about it anymore.Cherish the moment you have with him right now.Do more of romantic things and enjoy it.make each other happy.Put all negative issues aside.
2007-03-05 11:58:23 · answer #4 · answered by Angel_Love 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds as if you guys are definitely not ready for marriage. Do a lot of talking, weighing the pros and cons of your relationship. Also, if either of you go to church, you can schedule an appointment with your pastor/priest and he'll do the couples counseling for free. If you don't belong to a church, there are ministers who'll still counsel you for little or no money (in fact I don't think they are allowed to charge you money, it's their job). Good luck.
2007-03-05 12:07:21 · answer #5 · answered by Brandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a little time to discuss it with your boyfriend. Together, find the problem that makes both of you go wrong. And solve it together.
Both of you have to do honest & good moral.
If you love your boyfriend basicaly only on his goodlooking, you will get hurt then. If you love your boyfriend also because of his good moral behavior, you will be the happiest girl.
Good Luck.
2007-03-07 02:04:07 · answer #6 · answered by mark 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you guys need to stay the hell away from each other. I don't know why people insist on staying with people when they constantly question the relationship. If you're questioning it, then there's obviously something wrong with it and you just don't want to be alone so you don't leave the other person.
2007-03-05 11:57:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe after a year of a relationship you begin to question it. It is normal. The best thing to do is to talk about it and keep communication open. Deciding to be with someone is a very important decision and you should always be evaluating your relationship.
2007-03-05 11:57:02 · answer #8 · answered by honeyluv_2010 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you need to get out of the mentality of "we're all each other has" because it's unhealthy to be with someone for security purposes and that's how you get stuck in a dead end relationship. Only time will tell if you'll make it or not. Please don't commit to marriage or get pregnant.
2007-03-08 16:22:31 · answer #9 · answered by Sandy Sandals 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look, the bottom line is......you want to be together or you don't?? it seems like your both making this complicated. If you want to be together, then BE TOGETHER, stop dwelling on the negative & move on. If you don't want to be together then DON'T BE TOGETHER. simple as that. The more you make things complicated on each other, the more confused you will be. It's better to decide then to create all this unnecessary DRAMA.
2007-03-05 12:00:08 · answer #10 · answered by sugarBear 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋