Big problem with boyfreind?

Question

right here goes,my boyfreind is ready to start a family but im not,i havent completed my degree hence not ready asyet.ive explained to him that both of us have to be prepared in order to have children we need to be financially and mentally stable..i cannot commit to this and due to this reason he claims that i dont love him enough..i love this guy more than anything but as far as im concerned i need to be absolutely stable to have children..i personally think he isnt ready..he just loves children abit too much..ive told him that a child comes with added responsibilities..its there for life.. he comes up with the most absurd excuses when i tell him "we will have children but just not now" he says ahh you should'nt be so negative,i may die before you know it,i feel im going to die , dont get me wrong i love this guy so very much...i think he is being immature and not undersanding me atall..i dont know what i should do i really love him.i hope someone here can help me..xxxxxx

im 20 now and he is 22..i forgot to mention he does want to get married and have children..he wants me to marry him now..and i cant see me doing that just as yet.i asked him to wait and he was willing to wait but now asks me to proove is i will marry him in 2-3 years what proof can i give..ive given him my word but he doesnt understand..he just phoned me now tellin me "the reason u dnt want kids with me is because you're not ready and im really not ready to wait 2-3 years so you decide what you want to do" im so hurt right now im literally in tears i dont know what to do..

Answer 1

Well first you need to finish school and get married before you can even think about kids. He is being immature and he needs to lay off of the subject until you are ready.
HE is using the "you dont love me enough" speech to make you feel guilty, and dont give in.

Answer 2

Think about this for a minute - how can you love this guy so much when he obviously has so little respect for your feelings? Whatever you do, DO NOT let him push you into starting a family before YOU are ready. He says that if you don't want to start a family, that you don't love him enough. Well, think about this: HE doesn't love YOU enough if he is determine to push you into something that you are not ready for - especially something that requires as much responsibility as having kids. If you let him push you into something you are not ready for, you will end up resenting him for it and possibly resenting the children you bring into this world. You are 100% correct when you say that you (and this means both of you) have to financially and mentally stable. You say you haven't completed your degree yet, which I'm assuming also means you aren't settled into a career just yet. It is much more difficult (emotionally, physically and financially) to obtain that degree (I'm not saying it's impossible - many people do it) once you have kids. You are absolutely right when you say that your boyfriend is being immature and not understanding you. Personally, I think your boyfriend is trying to lay a guilt trip on you because you are not ready to start a family, and he is trying to pressure you into it, which means he IS immature (hence NOT ready to have kids) and has no respect for your feelings. I have 2 sons - one is 28 and the other is 11. I love my 2 sons more than anything, but believe me, if I had it to do over again, I would have gotten my degree (which I finally now have) FIRST and been settled in a career and been financially stable BEFORE having my 2 sons; it would have been so much easier that way. Anyway, hope this helps, and best of luck to you!

Answer 3

I am going to speak from experience. Dont let this guy pressure you into having a baby. 1st you should finsish school and 2nd where is the ring. If he was that serious than he would put the rock on your finger. He is maybe scared that he is going to lose you if you dont have his baby. But you are right having a baby is a serious decision and you have to be ready to handle it mentally more than anything else. Dont let you plans change for this man if he really loves you he will wait and he wont make you feel guilty about your decision to wait. Remember men can always walk away and it will be you stuck raising the baby alone.

Answer 4

do you know anybody with an 18 month old or a 2 yr old??? that's a good age for him to be baptized by fire...... and it would give your friends a nice weekend break.

See if you can babysit for them over a weekend, preferably one that you have light homework.

an active toddler.. "Honey, can you help, I really need to get this paper done for class!!!!!"

That should help him see the light. You're right. Kids are wonderful, I wouldn't give mine up for the world.. but I had my first when my husband was in the last year of his Masters and I was a 2nd yr undergrad..... we needed to have our heads examined!!!

but that's the age group you want to beg a friend for... they are not liking those wonderful afternoon naps anymore... they are into everything, and since you don't have kids yet.. I'm guessing that there are all sorts of new and wonderful things for baby to get into and prospective father to keep it out of.... lol Stay away from newborns... they eat they sleep.. then there is the AWWWWWWWWWWW factor.. they are so adorable... bad move. older than 3 or 4.. they are usually pretty good at entertaining themselves.

Target toddlers! hehehehehehe

Answer 5

A child is forever not for right now. You should remind him of that and maybe if he's ready for that kind of commitment then he should be ready first to make a real commitment to you like marriage. There's enough of these poor little kids that are brought into the world by a couple who can't even commit enough to each other to get married first. We as a whole should stop creating situations that keep putting kids into single parent homes.
You and your BF should make a real spiritual and legal commitment to each other then if that works out make a commitment to a child.

Answer 6

I hope someone here can too!! Because the very Last Thing you need now is a baby, especially for someone else! Are you sure he is the right guy for you? One of you has a lot of common sense and that helps. Don't have a baby because you're not ready. You said so Yourself!

Answer 7

What is the rush? You all aren't even married yet. I would question what kind of man he is that he wants to father children but not be married? You have no idea what kinds of problems that will cause on down the road. You are headed in the right direction with your thoughts....Degree first, Marriage Second, then children.

Good luck!

Answer 8

You definitely should finish school first. Tell him you want to get married first. Hopefully he will get you a ring. Then you plan a long engagement until you finish school so you can plan your perfect wedding. Maybe he just needs to know that you won't be leaving him after you finish school and get a good job.

But don't even consider having a child until you get a ring! Why does he think he's going to die? Is he old? Is he suicidal?

Answer 9

If your not ready for a child, then dont have one. My ex husband wanted a child so bad he was willing to do anything to get one and we had a daughter. He cheated before she was 1 yr old and we ended up getting a nasty divorce. I found out later he was sleeping with the other woman while I was pregnant with the daughter. Me any my baby girl and 3 yr old ended up nearly homeless with our utilities shut off, no water and nothing to live on. He forged my name on a tax return and spent our money on his new girlfriend. Thank God my sister came to visit and saved us. We would have been in a homeless shelter or out on the street.
Dont do anything you are not ready for.

Answer 10

i think it is unfair to blackmail someone and claim that you love him. if he realy loves you, and i'm shure he does(he wants to start a family with you) i think he should accept the fact that you want to wait for a year or 2. maybe it will cool him down for a while if you start living together or if you do live together get married. i dont think i gave you very useful answer but i wish you luck