Enclosed is a letter. Would you trust this man?

Question

Since this is the only way we can communicate now I am writing this to you. I can no longer continue this way. We are both clearly very unhappy and the situation is getting worse each day. We are not together for the benefit of our children. We are hurting them by surrounding them in anger, mistrust and disrespect.

I will no longer defend myself from your claims of cheating, lying, etc. I have done nothing to hurt you intentionally. Nor have I ever and would never be a cheat, that is not the type of person I am. I am very honest with my feelings. I have no agenda and no desire to hurt people. Your constant assertion that I have cheated on you with your sister or any of the other women is not true in any way. I am tired of paying for your anger at others that is constantly misdirected toward me because I am the male figure in your life.

The way you treat me makes it clear that you not only dislike me but you also have no respect for me as a person. You call my integrity and honor into question almost daily and many times in front of the children I am supposed to be a father for.

Say what you want about me, and I know that you do, I have stuck by you through everything that we went through over the past two years. Had I any intention of not being with you, there were many times when I could have left and felt no wrong in doing so.

That being said, I am tired of feeling alienated in my own home, with my own family and with the children that I am expected to support and raise. I am going to change that starting today.

The main reason that I am writing this is to say that you need to make a choice. If you wish this marriage to continue immediate changes have to be made and we can discuss this so that both of us can be happy. I entered into this marriage with the full intention of making it work and being married for the rest of my life. However the only way that works is if the other person involved feels the same way.

Otherwise If you wish to continue to treat me the way you are I am leaving you today. I am in contact with a lawyer and am willing to move forward if that is what needs to happen.

I would appreciate your reply by this afternoon.

Mike

We have since reconciled, but I am ill at ease sometimes.

Answer 1

What are you ill at ease about exactly? And I'm really sorry but I would very insulted if I were your husband right now that you posted this to ask other people if I am trustworthy.

Answer 2

Sounds as if your husband is willing to give your marriage with him another chance, and he as come to the realisation that it will take effort from the both of you to make it work. From his letter, it appears there is a lot of trust issues with you involving his possibility of cheating on you with your sister. I feel before any reconciliation could take place this issue with your sister should have been resolved first or it will always come between the both of you. You need to also ask yourself if this is an insecure issue within yourself or has there been actions on his part that have justified you not trusting him. If you are justified then I would say his letter was a way of forcing you into a decision you might not have been ready to make. You two can most likely benefit from some marital counselling to sort out where the problems in your marriage are and how to resolve them. Best of luck to you both!

Answer 3

He has layed it on the line here in this letter. You need to dig deep and realize that this is where you are at. Do you really WANT to continue or are you past the point of no return? If you're not sure than you aren't there yet. Communicate with him without accusing. Tell him the way you are feeling and why you have these feelings. Openess is the only way to get through it all.

Answer 4

Wowser.....

First thing you've got to know is that this letter is to the point and doesn't mess around.

Unless he is a screen writer who spends every day making up stories this letter is the real deal.

I note that you have reconciled but are still having doubts.

You need to worry a tad bit more about yourself....amd less about what he's doing when not at home.

You need to excercise....and find something you like to do. It appears that you know how to write so mabye you should write a movie....or a short story....or ?????

Obviously you have jealousy issues and in truth he might not understand....because he might not be the jealous type.

If he knows you have jealousy issues and pushes your buttons on purpose...then you have a different problem.

But first and foremost......excercise....and when you get those thoughts that make you crazy.....practice calmly replacing them with positive thoughts.

It can take awhile to alter lifelong acquired traits....and jealousy is one wicked trait.

Peace

Answer 5

Do you have any real evidence that he really cheated? Are there any basis for your 'accusation' as he stated in his letter. His letter however sounded really desperate but he seems to be really good with using words, he seems to be directing all the blame to you and then asking for an ultimatum. Well to me, maybe he is really sincere or just really tired and fed up, I guess with the effort of writing this letter shows that he really want to make things work and maybe this is the only way left for him to communicate with you. Are you ready to let him go? I however, do not think I am in any position to encourage you to leave him or to stay with him because I really don't know how is your relationship with your husband. One thing you need to be sure of is this, do you trust him? If you don't trust him, it's going to be very difficult because it's gonna bring you and him more pain not to mention your children will suffer too because it's hard to make things work when you don't trust each other. Try to build your trust with him again, I suggest going for a vacation together and then maybe reconnect with each other again, it's hard to find someone that we want to share the rest of our lives together and this is the man that you married and loved/loves so maybe you should try to rekindle that feeling again, be true to yourself and be fair to him too. Good luck.

Answer 6

You need to rewind time and remeber why you fell in love with your husband and use that to work on what God but u together for. Start dating with your man again and tell him how u feel. Good men are hard to find and when u have a good one sometimes as the wife we have to work extra hard to remind them of where home is. Take charge with kindness not insult especailly infront of the children they do not see what we see as adults. If his cheating is not true trie to make your marraige work together. The best of luck 2 u.

Answer 7

This is spoken by a man who truly loves you and is faithful to you. He wants to be your husband and the father to your children. He does not want to be told he is doing things he is not doing. You have a wonderful husband that you are driving away. Many women only want what you have. Don't destroy it. Cherish your husband and treat him the best you can each day. He loves you and only you! Treat him like the husband that he is and the way he deserves to be treated. Read the book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura. I think you could find some good information in there.

I think it is was wrong of you to exploit him and submit his letter to you out here for the whole world to read and judge. If you can't feel it in your own heart what kind of man he is perhaps you do not deserve him.

Good luck!

Answer 8

I wrote a very similar letter but it took another 4 years of living in dysfunctional relationship and I finally called it quits. Then another two years fighting in the court system. I believe that he is trying very hard to reach you but I think it is a last ditch effort. Since the trust is gone it sounds like it is at the point of no return.

You have to make some hard decisions and sole searching but for a man to state this in writing is not a good sign that you can recover your marriage. I give him a lot of credit since most men would not put up this for very long.

Good luck

Answer 9

the suitable subject could have been to tell the girl who you have been (first call in simple terms) and ask her who she replaced into. you could have been able to settle issues then. At this component you would be hurting a woman who knew no longer something of his cheating, yet regrettably has a newborn with this guy. you could probable be slightly shocked to make sure that he probable isn't in simple terms married, yet donning on distinctive online affairs at one time. that's unhappy which you place that plenty attempt into an information superhighway relationship in which you never have been given to fairly meet and understand the actual individual in the back of the percentand define he posts online. possibly sending her the guidance will help her if she needs evidence in submitting for divorce from the guy. on the different hand some adult men are into online gaming . . . and take it to the subsequent point with chat rooms/relationship sites. He could never have meant to have a 'actual relationship' with you, just to play you like a sport. Sorry, yet something to think of approximately if after a twelve months you never actually met the guy.

Answer 10

Sounds like he's been through hell and still cares enough to tell you his feelings. Maybe put your pride and stubborness aside and learn to trust the man you swore to God you would support and defend. Only you really know if he hasn't done those things he's been accused of and if you know he hasn't as well then you should take him for what he's worth. Thats a pretty genuine sounding letter and I think you are lucky to have a man be that honest with you.

Answer 11

Excellent letter and he has put his feelings out there for you. Any man who would take the time to write this and give it to you deserves to be treated fairly and trusted. However, it's you that has to decide, but it sounds like you better make it quick. And, when we don't trust our partners, and continually assume they they have done something that they haven't, it really breaks down the relationship in so many ways. Your first step is to try and understand what it is about YOU, that is not allowing you to trust.