To hold out and hope that my husband and I can have a future if we just get some counseling? Or would we be able to work out our problems on our own with out the help of intervention if we were serious about making it happen. I mean what says that a counselor will be able to solve our issues?. Maybe we just are not compatible.
I have dreams about him cheating and degrading me and me hating him every night. He does things that piss me off. I feel like although he hasn't cheated since we've been married, he will eventually. I feel no power behind the words "I Love You" when he says it. I feel no value, no validation. We only nag and complain and endure.
Is there any hope for us. Must we stay together for the kids or just because it is the right thing to do? He says he wants to be married to me and he would do it all over again knowing then what he knows now...But I don't feel it. Why can't I feel it. I have read all the books and I know he means well. But why isn't it working?
2007-03-05 02:33:59 · 16 answers · asked by BellaLuna 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
DD...is that short for Dingle Dong? I am 26 and pregnant...I am hardly going through menopause...don't answer if you are immature.
2007-03-05 02:49:55 · update #1
I have read the proper care and feeding of husbands and am reading her new book with the same title except marriage at the end. I have read the 5 love languages...I have read others.
Also, I should mention that he did cheat on me right before we got married but not since. Hence the dreams.
Also, he has been quite permiscuios in his life with over 300 partners and I only 4.
2007-03-05 02:55:49 · update #2
pray to God things work out
2007-03-05 02:58:01 · answer #1 · answered by kevo m 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The issue is sounding more and more like a personal one which means that if you don't get your act together and figure out what has suddenly got you feeling so negative, it will destroy your marriage and will probably affect your kids too. So I would recommend that you kindly tell your husband what has been going on. Explain it as calmly as possible and make the request of having some time off.
You could use some presepective. Go away for a weekend or go to your folks home and relax. Then take a good solid hard look at your life and write down or discuss things with a trusted friend. Look deep and then come back and try again. If you are still having trouble go get some help. A head doctor may be able to help put things in persepective with you.
Divorce should be the last option you choose. Staying for your kids is not the reason. The reason should be because of the bond between you and your husband. God Bless and good luck. Be prepared to work!!
2007-03-05 11:05:19 · answer #2 · answered by amanda w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can say that a counselor can fix your issues. Usually a counselor is just a neutral voice to help you see both sides of the issue without letting all of the emotional issues you have between you crop up. It sounds like you want out which is fine if you do but it also sounds like you may have some unresolved issues from either earlier in the relationship or prior relationships that are dancing around in your marriage. Please don't stay together for the kids or because it's the "right thing to do." Kids need to see happy and functional relationships and no matter how well you think you might mask the unhappiness kids know when something is wrong with their parents relationships and that will play out in their future relationships until they make the connection.
2007-03-05 10:43:50 · answer #3 · answered by indydst8 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all, you can't judge the state of your marriage by your dreams. My husband and I have both had strange dreams that seemed real at the time, but in the light of day and half a cup of coffee later, we were able to laugh it off. It sounds as though he is faithful and loves you, but you are very insecure. A counsellor is not able to solve your issues, but a counsellor is able to help you solve your issues. There are some key questions you need to ask yourself, Do you love your husband? Are you in love with your husband? Why are you so sure that he will be unfaithful? Marriage counselling could definitely help you, but the thing you have to remember is, you need to want help and it takes two to make a marriage work. If you don't have trust you will have problems.
2007-03-05 10:54:41 · answer #4 · answered by QT 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can never do this on your own. Counseling MIGHT help but you have issues! You have dreams hes cheated because he has and you know inside. You both are destructive to each other. You hate him because he humiliates you with no remorse. He doesn't like you that's why he purposely upsets you. His" I love you 's"are a lie and you know this because a man who loves you is patient. A loving man trys to make you happy. He trys to hurt you and he does this.You complain and nag because you are unhappy.What do you have to be happy about in a failed relationship? Abuse never changes.It is a deep problem he carries this need to hurt you. He hurts you because he wants to cheat thats why he cheats. You keep him from his wishes. I expect he is also into ponagraphy. He has a sexual disease and a desire that only a sex therapist can correct. He will not try this because he gains internal pleasure from his desire of sexual achievment. The worst thing you can do is allow the children to have acsess to the dysfunctional behavior. The pattern will be repeated in the puberty years of your children. Do not let this happen. Leave him.Your husband needs help . You need help because you have lived his sickness. Please do not let this happen to your children.
2007-03-05 11:21:03 · answer #5 · answered by janebreath m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do need some serious marriage counseling; it can't hurt, and it may help you to deal with your issues. Try the counseling, and give it a fair shot. If you still feel the same way, after a reasonable period of time, then consider divorce. Never stay together for the kids, you'll end up making them feel guilty for your personal misery!
2007-03-05 10:43:14 · answer #6 · answered by grandm 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It sounds to me not so much like you need couples counseling as it is you who needs counseling. You have issues about trust, and you find it difficult to accept love. Go to a counselor and get help sorting out which of your perceptions are correct and which are faulty. In the meantime, stop nagging and complaining, and regarding what your husband nags at you about, get proactive and handle the things before he has a chance to say anything.
2007-03-05 10:47:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Whoa....hold on here. You have dreams about him cheating and degrading you and this angers you. Yet...this hasn't occurred in reality? Although he hasn't been unfaithful to you you're saying he MAY? He even says knowing what he knows now he'd still marry you again.
Madam....you are being unrealistic. The problem in the relationship...and this is based soley upon what little you've said here...seems to lie with you. its you that have the negative attitude about the relationship. Not to mention you seem to be basing your feelings upon what not only may happen but your dreams as well and not anything real.
Forget the books. Perhaps you should re-evaluate your feelings and base them on substantial and real things, not your dreams or events that haven't happened and may never.
2007-03-05 10:46:13 · answer #8 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
people should never stay together just for the kids, that makes everyone even the kids unhappy.
Don't mean to step on any toes, buy it almost sounds like you yourself could use the counseling, so you can figure out why you feel the way that you do. Good luck
2007-03-05 10:42:00 · answer #9 · answered by twyla 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Your relationship is based on making each other miserable. I have been in one of these and it is very destructive to your heart, your emotions, and your well being. You need to get some help a pastor, a counselor or someone, and if that doesn't work than you have to end the relationship for the health of everyone involved including the children.
2007-03-05 10:43:27 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
People go to counseling to LEARN new ways of communication and LISTENING. These are skills that very few of us have naturally. By going to counseling you can say that you did everything possible to save your relationship. If it still doesn't work, at least you both can learn to co-parent more efficiently while apart.
2007-03-05 10:42:09 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋