I am in a relationship with a man 10 years my senior. We have spoke about marriage many times and plan to marry. We have also spoken about having children. It seems to me that he is more keen on having children with me than marrying me. Our relationship has been a little rocky lately and we will begin counseling this week. This weekend he kept mentioning "baby things" and then later said that he wants to get pregnant in the near future because he does not want to be too old when he has children and also it would settle him down. We both have great jobs, great and supportive families and a wonderful little house in a suburban neighborhood. Should we put our arguments on hold and try pregnancy? Also, our families have taught us marriage before children. Is this too old fashion or does he have a commitment problem and just wants a child? Confused!?
2007-03-05 02:14:58 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Notes to people who have answered: We have not been together 10 years, he is 10 years older than me! Also, we do not fight a lot at all..just not the cloud 9 feeling that the relationship started at, other than that completely in love.
2007-03-05 02:30:28 · update #1
I would not have a man's child unless we were married. In your case, especially, I'd seriously reconsider having a baby right now because your relationship is clearly rocky enough that you sought counseling.
If you decide to go ahead and have the baby, be absolutely comfortable with raising it on your own. Any man who does not want to marry you, but would warm up to the idea after you had his child may not be as serious about you as you might think.
Just remember, having a baby does not fix any of your relationship problems. In almost every case - it will become worse.
2007-03-05 02:47:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me that he's more interested in being a dad than being a husband. You gotta think...if we are having problems now.. what's it gonna be like when I get pregnant or the baby is here... it's seriously something that you should consider before commiting to having his baby! If children is the only thing that you are fighting about and both of you want to have a child then I say go for it, but if other issues are going on as well... I'd be more cautious.
2007-03-05 02:23:52 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your situation sounds similar to my best friends. Now, that her and her boyfriend split up, she is a single mom with the occasional help from him. You really need to get your lives sorted first. Having a child is going to add a thousand more stress and problems into your relationship. Some people think it will keep them together...NO..this is not the case. If you really want to have a child, and don't mind being a single mom if things don't work out...and are willing to go through custody battles etc...then go for it. I don't know what your relationship is like, but being together for 10 years, and not being married and now going to counseling does not sound too reasuring to me. Is this relationship really for you? Are you two really meant to be? I don't mean to sound judgemental but it sounds rather rocky to me.
2007-03-05 02:27:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
children do not solve problems, they only create more. do not even think about having children if you two are having bad problems now. and as to his comment that having a child "will settle him down", that won't happen either. children do not make you more responsible if you don't want to be. my bother in law has 3 kids and is still all over town. i would be concerned about him wanting all the good things that come with marriage(children) without any of the commitment. i would seriously think it over if i were you.
2007-03-05 02:20:43 · answer #4 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am 22 and I definitely think marriage before children, I don't think that that is too old fashioned. I think you guys should get your priorities straight before you bring a helpless child into the world.
2007-03-05 02:19:46 · answer #5 · answered by ahafner2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can have a baby but those issues will still be there. Tell him you would likr to get married before you have children and if he wants to have children he should marry you first.
2007-03-05 02:24:32 · answer #6 · answered by neicee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is proven thatthe best cure for a rocky relationship and a fear of commitment is to BRING A CHILD INTO THE MESS. If you have to ask, you are too stupid to be a parent.
2007-03-05 02:20:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You should tell him that if he wants kids he needs to marry you first. I am sure if he doesn't want to marry you then he has commitment problems. If he doesn't want marriage then don't give him kids. Good luck
2007-03-05 02:24:03 · answer #8 · answered by Christina 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is your canine spayed? replaced into your canine in season? If she isn't spayed & you don't understand if she replaced into in warmth. She replaced into working with a male for each week & you observed them mate. confident, she very possibly is pregnant. Spay NOW.
2016-10-02 10:13:57 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if arguing doesn't work, why not? Try parenthood!!!! Get your priorities straight, then bring a child into the world!!!!!
2007-03-05 02:19:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋