The inlaw thing has been somewhat rocky from time to time. His sister and I have had major issues to where they end with her asking me not to bother my husband with them. Not wanting to upset him, I don't.
He comes from a pretty traditional lebanese family. They are very close. I do admaire that. But I also feel that we have a family of our own that requires nurturing. They live but a block away and go to my husbands business every day as they are retired. They call for us to visit and expect us to just drop everything. And my husband does.
We do take the kids down and visit but I feel like sometimes that it is not convenient and I would prefer to spend a nice evening at home. But my husband, in a huff decides to pack up the kids and spend the evening down there without me. He shows up at home just in time for the kids to head right to bed.
I usually enjoy visiting with them but I wish we could do it when it is convenient for all of us to go as a family.
2007-03-05 02:04:30 · 12 answers · asked by Kimberly R 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've made many strides to conform to his family and culture. I truly do embrace it. Like I said, I would like to visit but prefer to have notice and if it is not convenient that that is not the end all. I had had a really busy day that started early with carting the kids to church, cathecism and a birthday party and was looking forward to a relaxing evening at home. I did get that except it was spent all alone. As a busy working mom I treasure my family time.
2007-03-05 02:18:04 · update #1
I'm unfamiliar with Lebanese culture but if his behavior is normal and expected there won't be a lot you can do to change it immediately. You should sit down with him and discuss your concerns and ask if there is a point when your family's wants and desires will be in the forefront. But you should be prepared to be looked at as the villain if everyone else is enjoying the things as they are and you are the odd woman out.
2007-03-05 02:13:11 · answer #1 · answered by indydst8 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In your husband's culture, what he's doing is very normal, and even expected. The Lebanese maintain an extremely close extended family relationship. Your choices are to either accept, and be part of that relationship, or to move on, or be isolated. Not trying to sound rude, but you need to understand the culture that you've married into. You're quite fortunate to be living outside of his parents' home. Good luck!
2007-03-05 02:11:35 · answer #2 · answered by grandm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately, you should have known this would have happened while dating.
Different cultures have different expectations. In addition, women in these cultures are usually treated as secondary citizens and are expected to play a serve and support role.
Unless you can no longer realistically deal with this an are considering a divorce, I suggest you comes to terms with this and accept it.
You will have to reconfigure your outlook and your self-importance/ needs for the good of your sanity.
I do feel for you, because love even though wonderful can be cumbersome and burdensome. You have your work cut out for you.
2007-03-05 02:32:32 · answer #3 · answered by Mr realistic...believer in truth 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure you already had let your husband know of how you feel regarding his family. Yours is a problem that is very hard to remedy. This is why it is wise before marriage to really look hard into matters such as this. Your best bet would be to try your hardest not to complain or you will begin to have your husband resent you. On the times he decides to visit with his family and it is inconvinient for you to go, then just tell him so. Suggest he go on ahead with the kids alone and greet him happily when he arrives home. Try and plan ahead of time for time alone with just you, him and the kids. As for his sister and other members of his family, when ever you are in their home, you be polite and leave interactions with them as limited as possible. In other words, if you can stop coming in between your husband and his family, he will in time learn to see things your way. If not, he will resent you and see his family as victims of your anger. Best of luck to you!
2007-03-05 02:24:55 · answer #4 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is not going to change and you should have caught on to this before you got married and had kids. this is how things stand and they are not likely to change so you have a choice. Suck it up and go along with the program or you need to make a change and end the marriage. It would be nice but you are not going to have it your way in this so it is either take it or leave it.
2007-03-05 02:21:32 · answer #5 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to start considering your feelings. Yes his family is important, but so is his wife. Does he know that this is bothering you? Talk to him,let him know that you love his family, but would also like to spend some quality time with him and the children. In laws can be difficult at best.
2007-03-05 02:13:22 · answer #6 · answered by QT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first thing first .Is he aware of how you feel.Sometimes you can not expect a person to know how you feel unless you tell him.But he needs to realize charity begins at home.I am very close to my family but my husband comes first in a sense.He asks me if i want to go and visit and they have to remember that since we are married they have to call and they just can't pop you when they feel like it.Now that we say in North Carolina and our family is in Florida we enjoy visiting them.There needs to be boundaries and rules set.And there needs to be a mutual agreement and understanding.Good luck i really hope you can get your family issues straighten out.
2007-03-05 02:21:18 · answer #7 · answered by TRUTH 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit him down and talk to him. Let him know your feelings, and tell him you want more time with him to yourself, and just your "in house" family. Let him know that you aren't happy, and you deserve to be. Compromise is what makes relationships work.
He needs to be more understanding of your needs, and not just his and his families needs.
If he refuses to give in a little, maybe you should think about the fact that you two aren't meant for each other.
2007-03-05 02:10:34 · answer #8 · answered by no1bucsfan26 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you cant do more than you can do
be yourself,be yourself be yourself
they will get used to you
as long as you have good will and does not hate anyone of them
you may not be able to stop your husband as he may read meanings into it,but,as much as it is possible with you,do the best you can and,if you try very hard,they will know you are just acting.
if you are from a different culture,just be yourself.
2007-03-05 02:28:26 · answer #9 · answered by helpmegetaname 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This happens alot in close nit families, I feel for you but its something you will have to put up with for your marriage. I feel for you.
2007-03-05 02:12:05 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋