Things just didn't work out for us. We have a daughter and It's been 4 mos and the hurt is still there. How to cope?
2007-03-05 02:02:07 · 23 answers · asked by :o) 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It may never.
i think this is a huge reason we stayed together so long, protecting ourselves from the hurt..
the inevetible hurt.
but there is hope, and it will get better with time..
i wish you the best
2007-03-05 10:13:33 · answer #1 · answered by Seerin 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are some Universal truths that you need to remember.
1) you can't do anything about anything that happened before this moment right now.....so that really means that you are starting right this second to go forword.
DIET, PRAYER AND EXCERCISE will get you through any trauma......but the broken heart trauma is a little tricky....in fact it can sometimes be tricker than the lost of life.....because the person is still here.
In your situation you have to acknowledge that you will have some form of contact with this person for a long time....because of your daughter. What form of contact is entirely up to you but for your sanity the contact should be based on the love you felt for him....not the rejection he delivered.
A little trick for putting him somehwere else in your mind.
LAYDOWN....RELAX...CLOSE YOUR EYES AND VISUALIZE HIM......NOW PUT HIM IN A BOX AND CLOSE THE BOX........AND THEN PUT THAT BOX IN THE BACK OF YOUR MIND....WAY IN THE BACK....
Your mind has compartments that allow certain issues to be front and center....you are the one who determines which issues go where.
Your daughter is the primary issue in your life.
Don't let her see you always sad and unable to handle things....even though it's ok to share with her how much you loved her dad.
Eat right.....excercise....and pray.....
everything will unfold as it should....and you might be surprised in a few years that the love of your life is actually someone that you don't know today.
Practice being happy......and especially towards your ex.....it might make him look at you in an entirely different light.
Peace
2007-03-05 02:56:13 · answer #2 · answered by Michael Timothy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This may takes months or up to years for you to be able to even start to get past this person that you loved so much and shared your life with. You may need counseling to help get past the pain and the hurt and betrayal that you are feeling. You do have to move on with your life. Good luck to you and here comes lots of hugs your way today. I hope things start to get better for you soon.
You may also want to take up a new hobby and start hanging out with some friends and doing things like shopping and things. Go out and get your hair done and maybe even a makeover and buy a new outfit or two. I am here to talk if you need a listening ear as well.
2007-03-05 02:32:32 · answer #3 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's been over a year for me, and I think I'm pretty much there. I still have moments where I miss us (my ex-wife and me) at our best, but the reality is that we've both moved on without each other. It truly does become easier with time, because the more experiences you have apart from one another, the less you really have in common. My ex-wife and I really don't have the same friends in common anymore. It does get better, you may have those old pains once in awhile, but they do become fewer and farther apart. Good luck, a heart is a fragile thing and it takes time for it to mend. Give yourself that gift and learn from what happened back there. Vow to fix you so that you won't repeat any mistakes with the future "love of your life."
2007-03-05 02:12:09 · answer #4 · answered by Dino 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think your ever get over the love of your life, espceially if you were'nt the one to want to end things. Time is a great healer, but also meeting new people and dating other men will also help ease the pain. Once you find someone else you'll stop thinking about your ex as the love of your life and start just to see him as your daughters dad. Try to have a social life, go out with friends, maybe start new hobbies as all these things will help keep your mind occupied.
2007-03-05 02:07:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry it takes a long time but you do have to move on. Whatever happened is not your fault and it will work out for the best. It has been eighteen years for me and it still hurts whenever i run into him but i am married to a wonderful man that i also love very much. You can still love the other person but you can also love others too. Just pray about it and then do what god wants you to do.
2007-03-05 14:36:40 · answer #6 · answered by short_stuff_406 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Somthings always hurt. The hurt will fade, but maybe never be 100% gone. It's a matter of not letting your mind settle on the subject of the pain. My mama always says "one nail will drive out another" , by this she ment replace this person's place in your life. Don't go trying to fall madly in love, you can't force those things. You can however meet new people. Go out for coffee, see a movie or going dancing with some nice eye candy. You deserve to be happy. Get you mind off the "old news".
2007-03-05 02:10:35 · answer #7 · answered by wishtodream 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It has been 4 years for me. To this day, if I dwell on "why", or "what might have been" long enough, I can still find the hurt. I have coped by moving forward. Throwing myself into my kids,(I've ended up raising all four, one of which I did not give birth to -his daughter) & seeing to their happiness helps. Also, doing things My Way, so to speak gives a boost. You know, the things you once had to compramise on. For ex: I painted my bedroom a girly lavender; and decorated in floral prints. Do things to make yourself happy.
2007-03-05 02:16:50 · answer #8 · answered by T S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will never get over it completely but you can learn to live with the loss and continue your life by finding something to fill the space. Something good. Don't turn to things that are self destructive.
A good thing to do is find something to distract yourself, something you find rewarding. Helping others. Going to a talk group.
Give yourself time, 4 months is nothing. It is true what they say "time heals all wounds" give yourself that time. Feel the pain, don't hide it and don't go through this alone. There is nothing worse than heartache. You need friends and gamily now. Confide in them.
I wish you all the best.
2007-03-05 02:06:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Time really does heal the woulds. The best advice I can give is for you not to replace the grief with another relationship, and don't fall for the same personality trait again. In fact, dont look for a relationship at all, you'll find one soon enough in the course of time, so learn to live with yourself. It can be a lot of fun learning how to work and play on your own instead of having another half around.
Good luck!
2007-03-05 02:07:41 · answer #10 · answered by Mark P. 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really do not think you will ever get over the real true love of your life. I know I will not.I lost him 2 years ago, heart condition. It gets easier, life goes on, and you cope a little better, but You may never get over him.
2007-03-05 03:24:12 · answer #11 · answered by PEPPER 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋