what should i do?

Question

my husband and i are well having sexual issues.i am beginning to take it personal when i confront him he says i am too aggressive and i need to back off.my questions is does your partner ever just dis you and if they do do you think its right?what do you say to yourself to make it ok in you mind cause its making me hate myself...

i tried talking to him.the only thing he says is that its not me but he doesnt feel sexual and then when i try he pushes me away.i have tried giving him space but i really need affection and love and i dont understand why he doesnt need or want me

Answer 1

Hi...i probably dont have the kind of answer you are looking for...but im going to give you the perspective from his side of the coin. Ive been married for 6 years, have three wonderful children, a house thats paid for....whole nive yards. People who know us probably think we have the picture perfect marraige. Problem is...is that we dont. Between her post pardom depression, he constant yelling. Wanting everything to be her way, when she wants it, how she wants it. Making me feel as though i do nothing...our sex life went from hot and heavy to nonexistant.

I think what you need to do...something i wish my wife would do, is take some time to try and figure out the cause of it. If she would sit me down and talk about it in a calm way...id me more prone to try and figure things out together. Try things at his speed and maybe, perhaps you can get him to move twords yours. Honesty will always work in this fashion. Try this...have you both write down what you want and need from one another physicaly and mentaly and then talk about what you wrote down.

Answer 2

Everybody's sex drive goes up and down (and more frequently with age) and unfortunately it never seems to be at the same time.

Don't worry about it. I'm sure you'll find here that every couple goes through it. When it happens to me, I tell myself to let it go and not make it into an issue. The more you bring it up, the less desire he will have to do it and it will begin to seem like a chore to him. When you're in the mood, make the little gestures you usually do and if he doesn't bite, then back off. I will tell you though, when I feel like I've been denied twice in a row I go to him the next day and while I'm giving him a hug I tell him that I need some d**k, he'll laugh and get the idea and I don't mention it again. It usually comes that night or the next day.

You can't let it bother you. The feeling of not being desired can eat you alive but the impression of being confident in your sexuality will increase his desire.

Answer 3

You need to talk to your husband, maybe get counselling. Your husband shouldn't say things that make you hate yourself. Have you tried giving him some space? Men can be very sensitive about sexual problems. Could you be taking it too personal? I'm trying to look at both points of view, without more details it's hard to give advice.

Answer 4

Too aggressive? Most of us males should be so fortunate. One...its always nice for a man NOT to be the instigator for a bedroom romp and two...any disrespect from the spouse will usually be met with a cool reception from me for some time until the air is cleared.
I mean just what are you doing he considers aggressive? Grabbing him by the front of his trousers and dragging him down the hallway? Short of that I can't fathom his complaint.

Answer 5

I think there is something more going on here.Maybe he is having erectile problems it is something that you and he needs to talk about other than you just being aggressive.My man would love it if I was aggressive.Don't be hard on yourself it's probably not you,men in general have a hard time expressing their feelings and talking about problems for sure.