Should I tell people the REAL REASON why we are separated?

Question

He is going around telling people that I am an alcoholic and crazy, neither of which is remotely true. He actually left to be with another woman in the neighborhood. He is trying to hide that because he wants to appear to be the family man good guy. Should I tell the truth? Some advise that I should just keep it to myself.

Answer 1

What goes around, comes around. Believe me, it'll ALLLLL catch up with him in the end.

Answer 2

Well it depends on why you haven't already told the truth. Are you protecting him or yourself?

If you feel it's emabarassing that he chose another woman over you...then that may be keeping you from telling the truth.

You don't have to be embarassed. Him leaving you for another woman is in no way a reflection on you. It's a reflection on him. And sometimes, in marriages, things just don't work out. You can't always get the justification you want.

Personally, I'd tell the truth. Not in a revengeful way, but if someone mentions it...tell them the truth. He has to realize their are consequences...and he's certainly tryng to ruin you.

Answer 3

You don't have to tell the whole truth, just say he is very childish and immature and he wanted to explore different avenues so you had to let him go. Do let people know that you are not an alcoholic or crazy but don't argue with them this will just make you look like you are in denial.

Answer 4

No need to build an army. The truth will come out on its own in good time. Tell the truth when asked, but don`t bring it up.

Answer 5

Its really no one's business why you are separated. Tell close friends the real reason and don't elaborate with people you aren't close with. If you really want to tell though, you have every right. Honestly it makes good gossip for people to hear and they'd feel sorry for you, etc, which is a good reason to just keep it to yourself and take the high road.

Answer 6

I'd say, since you received the scorpion, fatten it up and return it to the giver instead of enduring it. Why are you allowing yourself to be trodden on and being portrayed as a lunatic asylum inhabitant? That's my point of view anyway.
But if you genuinely DON'T care about him, why bother? It'd be unlikely that people actually believe him. Not to react is probably the best way, after all.. When people find out the actual truth, it's going to be a real hard smack up his ***.

Answer 7

Mmmm - my friend is going through this and much to her surprise, everyone in the town knows her business, even though he'd asked her not to talk about it to her friends. And guess who was doing the talking????
Now she's isolated, people refuse to speak to her and we, who care about her, are having to undo quite a lot of damage.
So yes, I'd make sure people know what is going on. Tell a few friends and let them spread the word.

Answer 8

Yes, tell the truth! My sister went through this recently to cover up the fact HE was having an affair. When he got caught, he would tell people it was actually my sister, not him. He turned into a psycho, and told my sister that someone was out to kill her and the kids, and he was just trying to protect them and wasn't really having an affair. However, she had proof, and he eventually got fired from his police job, is not allowed to have contact with her and only gets supervised visitation with the kids.

Yes, tell the truth!

Answer 9

IF you can keep this embarrassing detail amongst yourselves you will be both better off. Especially if children are involved. In the long run, its better to keep your familiy and ex family members out of the gossip mill, which can only damage yourselves in the long run.

Only keep this information to yourselves, and possibly close relatives because they might need to kmnow real reason of breakup, and possibly only your closest one or two friends who can help you get through this emotionally, as long as you trust them not to spread it any further.


HOWEVER, if he is indeed spreading stories to the gossip circles, especially if he is lying, then in that case you should stand up for yourself and make it known to those he's lied about about and set the record straight. And try to make sure that it stops there and that they dont spread it further...although that might be tough to do at this stage.

Stick up for yourself is all i can say.

I spead somewhat from experience since i am in middle of separation proceedings myself, and it too was because of an affair (actually affairS) my wife was having. But we have managed to keep those details to parents and closest friends.

If she were to start tarnishing my rep with lies to our social circles though........i got all the emails and txt messages between her and her liasions over the last couple of years to back me up and i'd just send them to anyone she might think of slandering about me to.

Answer 10

That is your decision to make. I'm sorry to hear that your husband is so selfish and immature. Are there children involved? If so, I wouldn't say anything that they may overhear.

You are certainly entitled to your side of the story. I'm sure the people who matter (the ones who know and love you), know the truth. As for everyone else, it's none of their business.

I wish you well.

Answer 11

Let him say what he wants. People that know you, know the truth and those don't have no need to know anything. It's nobody's business except yours and his. If the other woman is in the neighborhood, the neighbors know what the truth is. Divorce him and take him for whatever your lawyer can get.