Is this girl trying to steal my husband? What should I do?

Question

My husband is a first year grad student and among all of the ppl he has met this year there is one girl in particular who's name keeps coming up. He has said he really isn't interested in hanging out with ppl outside of school, that his classmates are just that and not friends. Last Nov. the girl called and invited US to go out drinking with her. He declined and, seeing how upset it made me, said he wouldn't answer her calls from then on and make it clear that he wasn't interested in doing things with her outside of school. She still eats lunch with him and a group of other classmates, which isn't a problem with me, but last week he went out to eat with just her alone. I am 6 months pregnant and he didn't even tell her (and hasn't told any of his classmates except one other) until that day. So, yesterday he gets a phone call from her inviting us to come over to her house, that she and her roommate (who neither of us know) will make us dinner. He admitted it was strange yesterday and said that instead of us just going to her house he'd see if a bunch of students wanted to go out to dinner one night this week, but this morning before he left he woke me up and asked me if we could just go out to eat at a restaurant with just her. Am I just being paranoid or is there something seriously wrong with this? What should I do? What should he do? He just refuses to admit it as a possibility that she has a crush on him even though one of his friends has been calling her his girl friend for months! Any advice would be helpful!!!

Umm.. he knows it bothers me, by the way. THat is the problem.

Answer 1

Just tell him that it bothers you.

Answer 2

You aren't being just paranoid. That is your husband and he shouldn't be going out alone with other women. Why does he even have her #? That's another thing that doesn't make sense. I think you need to sit down and have a talk with him. It's him who you should be more concerned about and not the girl. He doesn't have to eat lunch with her alone or have her # but he does. Im pretty sure she wouldn't persue him if he acted like "just a classmate" with her. These little things can grow into even bigger things if you don't talk to him and just let him continue to string you along.Think about the future of your baby. Confidently tell him that his friendship with this girl makes you uncomfortable and you don't trust her. Let him know also that You love him and it would put your mind at ease if he didn't go out with her alone, and if he would please not call her.Make sure whenever you decide to do this that you aren't shy about it and you speak up. Look him in the eye and don't look away. If not he will try to take advantage of the situation.If he makes a big production about it and he won't do that for you as your husband then there is something wrong. Good luck.

Answer 3

Plain and simple it makes you uncomfortable. He needs to be straight up with her that he is married and has a new life on the way. He shouldn't be doing things with just her. It sounds like she is chasing him a bit which would make me concerned because he hasn't tried to stop it as a matter of fact he is accepting her offers/invites. Now especially that you are expecting you need him to be there for you so that you don't overdue it also you are very sensitive he should be understanding of your condition. He should stop, its not right, you should matter more to him. This can eventually lead to something but then again it may not but I always play it safe. He shouldn't place himself in a situation that can tempt him. Going places with just her can very well allow something to happen. I would have a talk with him and say "look, this makes me uncomfortable and concerned you may think its all innocent but you have to see this from my view she is interested and/or being too friendly so therefore you need to let her know your not and put a stop to her advances. I would appreciate it if you refrain from going on outings with her. Its not right how would you feel if i was going to lunch/dinner or anywhere with some guy? Think about it.
Married guys do not act this way, single guys do!! Also ask him why he hasn't told many people about the little one on the way? Is he ashamed, not happy? Find out because most of time guys can't seem to keep that a secret. Try to understand him, don't lose your temper. Overall yes this would raise red flags so do what needs to be done. Good Luck.

Answer 4

Pull him aside on a day when the two of you will have time to talk. Let him know in no uncertain terms that this entire deal has been slowly eating you up, that it has the potential to change and damage your relationship with each other. Ask him if that is what he wants.
If you can strike the fear into him if needed, that would be a last resort.
I think he's blind to her advances. Some guys are dumb that way.
But if he isn't then that brings a whole new set of things to look at.

Answer 5

Go out for dinner with her and your husband. Make sure the fact that you're pregnant comes up. You can say something nonchalant, like asking the waiter for some crackers, and then say to her, I find they help settle my stomach since my morning sickness started.

Afterwords, tell your husband that if he doesn't knock it off, he will be minus a wife and waist deep in lawyer bills and child support.

If he hasn't cheated, he definitely seems to be contemplating it. She is blatantly trying to get your husband away from you, and don't just blame her. Your husband is an adult too. They both know what they're doing and you're going to get caught in the crossfire.

I'd say leave if there wasn't a baby involved. This is a tough one dear. Good luck to you.

Answer 6

I don't think there is anything wrong with you, the whole situation is suspecious and the way your husband is acting make it even worse. I think there is something going on between the two of them (not necessarily something serious), but if I were in your shoes, I won't let it go on like this any more.

Talk to your husband and MAKE sure he understands your point and that him hanging out/eating dinner/calling/befriending with this girl or ANY other girl is totally unacceptable by you and you will not put up with it. If he stops, and the girl doesn't, go and give her a piece of your mind so that she knows whom she is dealing with.

Take Care of yourself and the baby.

Answer 7

I was in this position before. If I were you, I'd give him an ultimatum. What he's doing is severely rude and uncalled for. He should *not* be associating that closely with another female.

Don't want to give you any horror stories, but if you don't stop in now it just gets worse. My husband talked about a certain girl a few times (she was one of my friends) and then later on, I went on a trip and found out that they'd called each other several times at an hour or so a pop. It's not a good thing.

Stop it before it turns into an affair!!!!!

I'm sorry this is happening to you. It's really a miserable experience.

Answer 8

Doesn't seem like much too me, besides I kind of sympathize with her. Some women just make better friends with guys than other women. I'm one of them. When the guy is married or involved, it always becomes a problem. Just because he's a guy, and she's a woman, doesn't mean they are sleeping together or even interested in that. It seems like she suspects you may be uncomfortable; that's why she invited BOTH of you to dinner. What's wrong with that? Your husband is the one who is commited to you. He's the one who knows you. The responsibility lies with him to tell the girl outright (preferably in front of you) that he is not interested in anything other than friendship. He must have known you were the jealous type when he married you, so he shouldn't have a problem doing this. Maybe the pregnancy is causing you to be a little moodier than usual? Have faith in your husband until he gives you a good reason not to.

Answer 9

the next time she invites u and ur husband to dinner i think u should go and see how they interact with each other. if ur able to use evidence from that night (like something she said or if she was a little too touchy) he won't be able to deny it because u both saw it and u'll have a better reason to not have him talk to her any more. Or maybe u'll see there's nothing to worry about and be relieved. From what u've said i don't think u should be too worried because ur husband seems to be very honest about the whole thing and she is inviting the both of u. Good luck

Answer 10

He went out to eat with her, ALONE? Oh. Hell. No. He is definitely hiding something, whether he has done something or not, which I don't think he has. But it seems as though he likes the attention from her, maybe even has a crush. Tell him how you view this, how you feel (but he already knows) and ask him if it would be okay for you to hang out with another guy, go to lunch alone with him, etc. Plus, you are pregnant, so the hormones are already raging.

Answer 11

I think you've missed some golden opportunities...you said she's invited the both of you to do things. That was your chance to socialize with her and your husband. Show her that you are not threatened in any way, you and your husband are in love and happily awaiting the arrival of your child.

You are giving her power (real or imagined) that she does not have. You are in control, when you know her and she knows you. It's a lot harder to go after another woman's husband when you know the woman!

The bottom line is, she may have a crush on your husband. So what? He loves you...he's with you...he's having a family with you. Her having a crush doesn't equal him doing anything wrong. I agree he shouldn't hang out with her after school...alone. Go ahead and meet her, maybe have dinner together...if she has a crush on him, it will put it to rest when she sees that your husband is faithfully yours.