Can someone please help me. My boss is making my life a misery and I'm close to tears?

Question

Each time I make a mistake, my boss has to tell me in a loud voice, so that everyone can hear. I feel humiliated. My colleague has already told me that her behaviour is totally out of order, but I'm shy to confront and don't know where to start! My boss tells me that I have errors in my letters and that the managers have complained about me. When I emailed these managers to apologise for all these mistakes, I get replied with, "It's not a problem". I'm very slim and now my boss is asking if I'm anorexic or bulimic, as she ''wishes she was slim'. I feel I don't want to come in to work anymore, but as she's my immediate boss, how do I cope with her? If I have a disagreement about something, she raises her voice so everyone can hear and she always wins the argument. Once, when she was speaking with me she said to me, "You've gone all red". PLEASE HELP. It's different if she were a colleague, but she's my line manager and I don't know my rights enough.

Answer 1

your boss is a bully and basically likes to intimidate others to make herself feel better. If you have a HR dept then report this to them, or to her boss. Stand up for yourself, when she talks to you in a loud voice and puts you down ask her back (in a loud voice) why she feels the need to do this. Whatever you do don't let her away with it. I would also keep the e:mails from the managers who have allegedly been complaining about you also so that you can build a case. Good luck, and remember bullies tend to be extremely unhappy, jealous people, so try (publicly) pitying her.

Answer 2

Don't get a new job!! It is this behaviour that allows the behaviour to continue. What I suggest you do is for the next week or two keep a diary of all the abusive insults you receive and then contact the people higher up and report her!! Also make a note of the bullying that has gone on so far. Being shy I know it will be difficult to go through the process of reporting her but it is something you need to do. This is probably why she is being a bully to you - because she knows she can get away with it - she knows you will not confront her. By taking the easy option of finding a new job she is getting away with it - is this what you want?? And what if you go to another job and the boss there bullies you are you going to leave that job too. You need to put a stop to it now!!

Answer 3

What your boss is doing is illegal. It's called "professional harassment". It's commonly referred to as "bullying". Unfortunately, taking legal action is a last resort and since you still work there it's not advisable (only if you get fired or are forced to quit, then you sue for professional harassment.) The best option at this point is Human Resources. They are trained in handling dispute resolution between managers and employees. The upside is the HR rep will probably get the manager to stop the visible harassment, although the boss can turn to indirect, discrete forms. The downside is the manager is always considered correct in any dispute with an individual employee, so it will go down on your record as you having the problem and it required HR intervention to resolve.

Let me explain how I know this. I once had an ugly dispute with a manager that reached a boiling point so bad that HR was called in (I had to be physically separated from my manager by security and they called in HR.) In the end, I left the company but the HR rep advised me, for my own good, that I could have gone to them earlier for dispute resolution and avoided the job loss. At the time I didn't know HR did this. I then inquired about it with a former collegue of my father's who was an HR director at a large company. Not only did he confirm that HR does this, it's VERY COMMON! He had many employees come to HR with complaints about their manager. He explained they would sit down with both of them and try to find a resolution. He said about 80% they were able to find one. He admitted, sometimes they were not and they were split up. In a few rare cases, the employee was terminated. He then explained that in either case, the employee was written up over the incident and put on their company file. Naturally, I asked what was written about the manager. He said, "Nothing. The manager is SUPREME!" At first, I didn't like that but after thinking about it makes sense. The manager has the higher authority and responsibility, therefore, must have the final word on what is to be done and who is to be rewarded or punished. This obviously opens up possible abuses of authority, i.e. harassment, but the working life ain't fair.

Now, there is one exception to the "manager is supreme" rule. If more than a few employees complain about the manager, then the manager is written up, removed or even fired. There are two scenarios. The first is, say, half the employees in a department band together and go to HR or the next level manager and complain as a grop. This is highly effective because no one person is singled out. What's more, strength in numbers speaks volumes. How can 6 persons be wrong and one person be right? That's counter-logical. The other scenario is you go to complain about the manager and the HR rep notes that your are the 4th employee in 3 months to report a dispute with the manager. That's a big warning sign and it's the same reasons as the first. The HR rep may not tell you officially that the boss is a known problem but, quietly, they often do (because I've had two HR reps say that to me!!) In this case, the manager is pulled aside and verbally warned to get the complaints down and is then written up. If it continues the manager is removed or even fired. I have seen it happen!

Before you go to HR, check if other coworkers are being harassmed/bullied by this boss. If they are and also want it to stop, go as a group! It's works wonders. If you go alone, sory to say, it may stop the visible harassment but the boss will resort to other indirect/discrete forms and you also get written up by HR. If you break donw in tears or are on the verge of tears at work, send en e-mail to the boss saying you are not feeling well and just go home for the rest of the day. Don't make my mistake and let your emotions make the situation far worse!


Best,
-- Liam

Answer 4

If it was me, I would do a few things. First of all, I would respond to the woman in a calm voice, saying something like "please do not shout at me, I'm trying to sort this out in a civil matter and shouting is not helping". I have tried this and it did work.

Another thing you can do is confront her in a non-aggressive way, ask her if you can talk and then when you are sitting with her, ask her if she has a problem with how you do your work. Tell her that anything you are doing wrong isn't intentional, but if you don't know the problem, you can't address it. This will take the wind out of her sails and you will be the one in control. She will probably back down, not giving you any reason for her behaviour. These two steps have been enough for a female ex-boss of mine not only changing her loud, bullying ways, but actually respecting me for standing up to myself. If you do it this way, she also has no ammo to fire at you over it.

If these steps don't work, try speaking to her boss, phrase it as you are worried if she is alright, as she seems very tetchy. Tell her boss that you even got to the point where you thought it may be you, but having sat down with her to sort it, she didn't voice any concerns. Tell her boss that you are feeling quite insecure about your job as her actions make you feel that you are for the boot. This will make it harder for your immediate manager to get rid of you.

Finally, remember this is NOT your fault, this is her problem and having been a female with a female boss, I have found there are often jealousy issues. From what you say, she has an issue with her weight too, us slim-jims are often subjected to jealousy from bigger framed women!! Its not our fault and if she is stressing you out at work that can make you lose even more weight! (I lost a stone in a month when I was in your situation!)

As far as your rights are concerned, if you have worked there longer than 12 months, you have alot of rights. Ring ACAS, they give free impartial employment law advice.

Anyway, good luck chick and don't let the bast*rds grind you down!

Answer 5

You can infact report her to HR and if there is no resoulution to this, you can take the next step. However, reporting her to HR may contribute to further problems and more hositility. It is a double edge sword. Learn to speak up, I find it that most women bosses do not like younger attractive women for what ever reason they hold. I find that they are always nice nice in the interview but is only us being there toy. Either way if HR doesn't do anything you may want to complain to the board of labor or even possibly speak with a lawyer saying that she is creating a hostile work enviroment, no work establishment likes to be known as a hostile work enviroment. The easiest way to get out of this is really just search for another job. When you leave I would not give them the deceny of a notification, I would write my resignation letter and I would state that you felt that you were bullied and not one person seemed to take notice or speak up for you and it is causing you to much mental anquish. You need to make sure that you state these phrases in your letter and keep a copy as well so that it does not haunt you in later years. It will also be noted of your boss an I am sure it will raise a few eyebrows and she will have demarits against her. Take it easy and keep in mind it is just here being jeaoulus cause she looks aweful.

Answer 6

I was in a similar situation and I quit (thankfully it was a temporary job) and I regretted quiting because it was for a good company where I could have moved up. If you love this job or the company don't let this woman push you out she is probably jealous or intimidated by you. If I could have done it all over again I would have tried to speak to her first but if that didn't work I would have went to her supervisor or HR. If you feel this way about her you are not the only one, others have probably complained about her to you may just be the complaint to get her reprimanded or fired. It is none of her business if you are anorexic, bulimic or whatever and that is borderline harassment. You have got to stand up for yourself! I am quiet and reserved too but this is your life and you have to go and be at this job 40+ hours a week. Don't let her run you off that is what she is hoping you will do!!!!

Answer 7

Just because she is your line manager does not give her the right to be a bliddy bully. Go above her head and report her to her boss. If you don't want to do it in person, then write a letter. If she starts on you whilst you are working, then just leave your desk, get up and walk away, go to the loo or some such. Whatever you do do not run, or show your upset in front of her.
If you have not already seen it then ask for a copy of the disciplinary procedure and the anti bullying policy for the workplace. Read, digest, and follow the procedures. Then we will see who is the stronger - - the bully or the victim. It is always the victim, because they have the right on their side.

Answer 8

She sounds like a bully on a power trip.

How about asking if you can have a meeting with her because you'd like to discuss things with her.

Tell her in the meeting that you are aware that she is unhappy with your work and that you are looking to her for help in where she thinks you are going wrong. Make her see that you are very keen to do a good job but that you feel that her constant demoralisation is making you nervous and make more mistakes.

Be professional (even if she isn't) and keep your cool. The more mature you can be in front of her the more likely she is to respect you. She obviously feels threatened by you because you are prettier than her so she wants to put you down because it is the only way she can feel better about herself. I feel sorry for your boss - you can leave your job but she will always be paranoid!

If it continues after your meeting then start looking for another job with a nicer boss. Good luck and remember - it's not your fault - you are fine, it's her who has the problem.

Answer 9

Do not put up with it, your boss is a pig and the law is on your side. She is probably jealous of you.

Go to her office and tell her calmly how you feel and that if she has a complaint she must tel you privately. If she does not correct her ways, go to the head of personnel or the managing director. In the mean time make notes of the incidents, dates and witnesses.

If things still do not improve, get another job and go to the industrial tribunal or a solicitor to sue them for constructive dismissal, victimisation and bullying, on a no win no fee basis. It may be better to find such solicitor and talk to him before you get another job, in case this will reduce any damages you get.

Answer 10

Whether she is the president of your contry, she has no right to talk to you in that manner.. She obviously have issues and insecurities and are probably jealous of you..I would say get another job, but why should you leave because of her, She is the problem. Go to your HR department and lay a grievance against her. The only reason you are probably making these mistakes is because (besides the fact that you are human) you are terrified of her. She is supposed to couch and guide you and help you. Shame on her for being such a bully...Just know that she is not God, so you have nothing to fear and also know that she will continue to be a complete b!tch until you do something about it. So the ball is in your court..