What should I do in disciplining my daughter...?

Question

I was a single father for awhile of my now 6 year old daughter until I met my wife. My wife has been nothing but positive and loving and my daughter says that she loves her like her own mother. However, "our" daughter one day went into our bedroom; climbed up the shelved in my wife's walk in closet and tossed her wedding and engagement rings into the dumpster outside. Now, my daughter says that she did this because, "She didn't like them." The rings had sentimental value as well as it was passed on from generations to generations. After cooling off, we spanked her but it didn't work. We have her on punishment cleaning the house all day and night but she shows no remorse. We tried talking to her and everything but she has this persona as though she rules the home, my daughter I mean - LOL... We set rules for her to clean her bathroom and just pick up after herself but she tells us that's our job. We've emptied her room until she earns piece by piece.

Answer 1

wow 6 years old and cleaning the house???? can anyone say Cinderella? lol..

Im curious.. at what point do the parents take some responsibility in all of this.. SHE IS 6 YEARS OLD.. where were the parents, when she was able to climb up all these shelves (im assuming there must be several for her to climb to the top and get the rings as i know my daughter even on a chair couldnt reach my top shelf of my closet) , she climbed down the shelves, with the rings, walked through the house with the rings, went outside unsupervised, and dumped the rings in the dumpster.. I must say ur daughter is a genius.. because im a mother of 5 and at 6.. for them to devise a plan that took climbing, finding rings, hiding them , going outside to throw them away.. is mind boggling, as most 6 year olds, dont even bother to throw garbage away in the "trash" inside the house, let alone to have to walk all the way outside to throw it away with out being seen..

She's six years old for pete's sake and im wondering how many times ur going to punish a little girl for the same act ? U've already spanked her, uve made her into ur personal maid, that cleans morning and night? You've taken all her things away? and ur wanting to do more??????

Why doesnt she have remorse? because she doesnt understand about wedding rings, heirlooms etc.. she's "6" years old.

Maybe if she had some "real" parental supervision, and was actually treated like a 6 year old instead of expecting her to act like a teenager..

And im thinking if these rings were so important that your wife didnt wear them.. why arent they in a safe or safety deposit box at the bank???

You want her to feel remorse.. maybe u need to "teach" your child remorse, instead of punishing a child constantly for an action that she doesnt understand thinking that will work, u take her most favorite possesion, and u throw it away.. (doesnt mean u leave it thrown away) but u throw it away right in front of her, when she starts throwing a fit, u explain to her, thats how mommy felt when u threw away her rings.. it hurt her feelings, made her upset, and made her sad.. then u tell her to tell her mom she's sorry and if and when she does u take it back out of the trash, and give it back to her.. if she doesnt, u leave it in the trash till she does..

But at some point.. u have to realize your daughter is a "CHILD" she is not an adult..and if a "ADULT" was actually watching her, she wouldnt of be able to climb shelves, hide rings, make her way outside and throw it away....i understand u cant stand on top of your children 24/7 but for her to be able to do all of this..with out being seen, she is either a "Ninja" , "Invisible" or alot of time elapsed with out a parent watching.. and perhaps u should buy some door alarms to put on ur doors because u should feel lucky that she didnt just run off, or get stolen.. since parents arent watching when she goes in and out of the house..

Answer 2

The girl is 6 years old for heavens sake! A little girl born into an unloving family. Now forced to live with a strange woman that she has never bonded with. When the deed was discovered you should have acted very sad, for her, because now the ring that was suppose to be handed down to her is lost forever.
How many times are you going to punish her? Do you think 100 times will be enough? A 6 year old cleaning a bathroom is not even safe (I personally keep chemicals out of my children's hands)
Grow up daddy.
Why in the world were the rings not on your new honey's finger or in a safe. Lock your bedroom door if you don't want her in there.
With your daughters background, I doubt she in incapable of showing remorse. She has had to develop some pretty thick skin just to survive your mistakes.
Spanking kids like her does no good, matter of fact it just reinforces the fact the no one loves her.

Answer 3

IT MIGHT BE MORE THAN DISCIPLINE YOUR DAUGHTER NEEDS. It seems like she is trying to get your attention. Maybe she is jealous. You were a single father and all your attention was on your daughter. Now she has to share your affection and attention. You have brought a new person into her life. Even though she is 6 she can still feel jealousy. Now you might not see a conflict but to a little kid she notices everything you do and do not do. I think the most important thing is to remember to include your daughter in everything from decisions on dinner to what the family watches on TV. This will make her feel important not just conveniently around.
How is her relationship with your wife? Does the wife spend time with her without you? Does the daughter call her by her name? Does your daughter feel comfortable referring to her as her stepmom? Your wife is also the key to calming your daughters jealousy. Your wife is deeply right now interested in YOU but she has to show and give at least 70% of her interest to your daughter as well. It can be as simple as a hug, making lunches, taking her shopping, picking her up from daycare, watching cartoons together, arts and crafts together, and etc. This creates a bound. The daughter will begin to realize she is a part of the puzzle not the missing piece.
Jealousy is a nasty habit that eats away at kids emotions. But with determination, PATIENCE and extra love it can be controlled.

Answer 4

What she did seems to symbolize your daughter's dislike of the marriage between you and new wife and her defiance sounds like she is punishing you both. Since you were alone with your daughter for awhile before remarrying, maybe she has become jealous of the relationship you two share. As for her tossing those rings in the dumpster, I would go get a possession of hers that is equally valuable and sentimental to your daughter and take it away from her. If she continues to rebel, taking away all her privileges and making her earn them back one at a time sometimes work - and teaches her that YOU have the upper hand, not her. Maybe counseling too, if things don't get better. Good luck, kids can be sooo difficult!

Answer 5

Mother Of four here, 3 boy's and a 7 yr. old step daughter, just so you know i speak from expeience here LOL. You must be consistant with her because believe me at her age if you do not get a handle on things you will not like her at all when she become's a teen, it is so easy to fall for the cuteness and let discipline slide .you need age appropriate punishments but as i said if you say it mean it, if you take the play station away for a month keep it away for the month etc.. Children these day's are much smarter at earlier ages than most give them credit for. So make her follow your rules and make sure you back up your wife and never over rule her decision's (as long as they are appropriate!).keep an open line of communication explain to her why what she did was very wrong , but try not to play head games with the child be to the point and stand by your decisions wether she like's it or not!!

Good luck

Answer 6

I am not the best at telling people who to punish their kids, because growing up, I never got grounded, my parents would literally beat me whenever I did anything wrong. I don't believe in hitting your kids now. This is a hard situation though, you obviously need to have some severe consequences for this one, because what she did was a big deal. Spanking her in this case, was not a bad idea. Now I would simply talk to her, and be serious about it too, because a 6 year old is smarter then you think, shoot.. I remember being 6, and they are just as functional as you and me are. I would just tell her that she is no longer allowed to touch anything on a shelf anymore in the house, and if she does take away something. Just seriously though, sit down and tell her how it was such a bad thing to do, and how terrible it really was. Good luck!

Answer 7

Punishing your daughter in this way is not the answer. It sounds like she is jealous of the new woman in your life and only pretends to love her like a mother. It is normal for her to resent your new wife and only a lot of patience and understanding on your part will help her adjust to the new situation. Try talking to her more often,be firm but kind,and plan activities that the 3 of you can do together-like this she doesn't feel that it's the 2 of you against her.

Answer 8

this does not sound good

she is six most 6 year olds are dieing for your approval
do you ever give it ?
find a way to catch her being good
but I have a feeling that you don't know how to give a spanking. If you get no remorse from the child you had better do it again. and warn her in advance
so she can think about it
and follow though
if you don't do what you say you will do you will never change her behavior

Answer 9

she seems to be jealous of your wife. does her birth mom have an influence on her? u will have to take the things she loves best away from her. never hit. she may resent your wife, she has to know that there are consequences for her behavior. your daughter may be unhappy over the divorce from her mom, she may be picking up on what her mom is saying to her. u can't force your daughter to like your wife, but it is probably something she may be hearing from her mom that has caused this.

Answer 10

You should try some positive reinforcement. When she is bad put her in a time out a corner with a chair will do. More importantly when she is good give her tons of attention, and make sure she knows that she is being good. It will work kids crave attention and if being good gets them the attention they desire that is what they will do, if being bad gets them the attention they desire that is what they will do. Positive reinforcement!